why do look if you've already found her?
I really hate the snow. it needs to stop, i want the spring. I hope with the change of seasons my mood will improve. im such a wreck these days and i just dont know how to get myself together. i cant focus on anything except the things that are wrong in my life, and i feel so bad about it because i know im spoiled and that there are so many people out there with real problems but that just makes me feel worse. Ive got to figure myself out. i know i need to get away from here for a while. maybe germany would be good for me for a while. i dont know because lately if chris isnt around then im even more stressed and crazy.. i know thats not good, i will not let myself be dependant on him. i just cant take school anymore, its just too much stress for something i dont care about, i want to make a difference but i just dont think this is where its at for me. too bad im too chickenshit to start over. and i cannot but help worrying about my dad, ive never seen him in so much pain and i just want the doctors to make him better, i couldnt handle it if he could never walk again. thats partly why i dont want to go to washington, if he needs bone marrow i want to be here to give him mine and i dont want to take that chance. I really want it to stop snowing.