2011
I've been couch surfing for almost a year now
tonight I find myself in the exact place I started
my latest Angel needs the couch back this week
cant tell him I'm sleeping in my car
he's been so generous, just don't wanna put him in that position
so I lied, for both of us
A big part of my depression this year was the fact that I became homeless.
I lost my apartment after much struggle and stress
and felt a special shame that I was not able to fix it
a grown woman unable to take care of myself
I was so embarrassed and angry
I took a terrible job not in the nick of time
its money, food, gas
for a long time I didn't tell people where I worked and what I did
It was embarrassing (still is)
because I am so much "better than this"
I'm smart dammit
and I'm creative
and I never hurt anyone
am never cruel
I'm a good person
I deserve better than this
tonight I notice that someone asked my where I worked,
I hesitated, but I told them
I dont know when it got easier
at my latest housesitting interview
I told them I was couch-surfing
and they knew exactly what I meant
more and more
I've realized that lots of people know someone who is homeless
and I'm not the one they are thinking of
Misery loves company huh?
So many people have no where to go
my shame has somewhat turned to sad at realizing that fact
there are thousands of people like me
smart, funny, kind, creative
who simple have no where to go
who have to rebuild from scratch
again
does it really get better
or do we just continue to fool ourselves long enough to forget
the pain of trying in the first place
Callbacks tomorrow
two actors have already flaked on me
looks like HOT GUY is a shoe in
tonight I find myself in the exact place I started
my latest Angel needs the couch back this week
cant tell him I'm sleeping in my car
he's been so generous, just don't wanna put him in that position
so I lied, for both of us
A big part of my depression this year was the fact that I became homeless.
I lost my apartment after much struggle and stress
and felt a special shame that I was not able to fix it
a grown woman unable to take care of myself
I was so embarrassed and angry
I took a terrible job not in the nick of time
its money, food, gas
for a long time I didn't tell people where I worked and what I did
It was embarrassing (still is)
because I am so much "better than this"
I'm smart dammit
and I'm creative
and I never hurt anyone
am never cruel
I'm a good person
I deserve better than this
tonight I notice that someone asked my where I worked,
I hesitated, but I told them
I dont know when it got easier
at my latest housesitting interview
I told them I was couch-surfing
and they knew exactly what I meant
more and more
I've realized that lots of people know someone who is homeless
and I'm not the one they are thinking of
Misery loves company huh?
So many people have no where to go
my shame has somewhat turned to sad at realizing that fact
there are thousands of people like me
smart, funny, kind, creative
who simple have no where to go
who have to rebuild from scratch
again
does it really get better
or do we just continue to fool ourselves long enough to forget
the pain of trying in the first place
Callbacks tomorrow
two actors have already flaked on me
looks like HOT GUY is a shoe in