Still Here
Someone I know just discovered the saying
"Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results."
I've known that one for a while. Only my version is:
"If you always do what you've always done,
You'll always get what you've always gotten."
But knowing something and heeding that logic are two completely different things.
So I'm doing things I've never done.
I hired a coach.
Totally can't afford her since it looks like I will be losing my job very soon
But I have to do something.
our meetings are part spiritual, part practical
but she gets me out of my head - which is very good, however temporary that might be
I feel like I can be completely candid and honest with her
Then She called me brave.
That always makes me suspicious.
People, friends call me brave all the time
I don't feel brave
I feel scared all the time
scared of not getting there
scare of having nothing
maybe the brave part is that I continue to move forward
or at least I appear to be moving forward, going on, not letting anything stop me
I let things stop me all the time
"What is this brave that you speak of?"
It's amazing and wonderful how many of my peeps have rallied around me
taken care of me since I finally told folks just how utterly depressed I have been
they check in more - alot more
I'm grateful for that
I'm grateful for my friends
I feel really loved
So I guess feeling fulfilled it up to me
ps: gonna start a new story soon kids. (sorry, not of the QAF universe)
I hope you'll check in and give me your thoughts.