(no subject)
Hmm ok so I'm getting really excited about college. I love buying new things and I have my whole list of stuff I need written out and I get to go shopping now!!! And I get to buy new clothes and stuff!!! It's only SIX weeks away. It still hasn't even hit me yet. Ahh! I kind of miss my old friends. But I kind of like hangin out w/ new ones. Actually I don't hang out w/ new ones...just old friends that I didn't hang out with for a while.
Haha um quick change of subject: Keller Williams was AMAZING. Wow. What a talented musician. I want to go back and see him again Right Now. It was such a good show. sooooo so so so good. But he didn't play freakshow :( But he did play Freaker By the Speaker! And we were standing 1st row on the bleachers RIGHT in front of the speaker on the left side so my left ear is still ringing. It actually hurts. That's bad.
So back to friends. I dunno, like when I've seen them at graduation parties it's just like it was before, but for some reason I never find the time/motivation/reason to call them during the week just to hang out. And I feel like it's too late now to call and get into the rhythm of hanging out w/ them regularly. Cos like, ya kno, over the summer there's always two or three people you talk to almost every day and see at least 4 or 5 times a week. The people who you can just hang out with in the middle of the afternoon not doin anything. And I know I can't do that now with the friends that I haven't even seen 5 times this summer. Bummer, man.
But then sometimes I'm not disappointed about not hanging out with them. Like when I'm with all of them I have a good time, but most of those kids I would never hang out with or really even talk to one-on-one. So then it's like, well, why would I expect them to call me in the first place, ya kno? I'm not one of the "regulars" of the group, I guess you could say. So that's when I don't feel sad about not hanging out with people who aren't even really "true" friends ya kno? And then I sometimes feel like I missed out on something. Like, I'm not gonna have that group of friends in 3 or 4 years that I still talk to and get together with from high school, and those kids will...and I feel like I somehow missed out on the high school experience by not havin that. I mean sure, I made some good friendships, and a few really true ones, which feels good, but I don't have that bond with a group, which always feels so good to have.
So I dunno...I just hope in college I can find that. A group. Not that I feel like I really need to have one, cos I want to hang out with different people, but I just want that safe, "I belong here" feeling. Like I would have a group to turn to and support me, not just individual relationships. Although I want those, too. By the way, if you haven't noticed yet, I'm really getting into this whole paragraphing thing. Anyway, I just don't want it to be a group like I had my junior year...not sayin it was bad, cos we definitely had some good times together, but it just fell through. I know nothing lasts forever, shit happens, blah blah blah, but I just want to have some friendships I can take with me in life, and not just memories of them. I actually want the people there, still with me, still people I can really call "friends."
"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.
Before him I may think aloud."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
That guy knew his stuff.
Haha um quick change of subject: Keller Williams was AMAZING. Wow. What a talented musician. I want to go back and see him again Right Now. It was such a good show. sooooo so so so good. But he didn't play freakshow :( But he did play Freaker By the Speaker! And we were standing 1st row on the bleachers RIGHT in front of the speaker on the left side so my left ear is still ringing. It actually hurts. That's bad.
So back to friends. I dunno, like when I've seen them at graduation parties it's just like it was before, but for some reason I never find the time/motivation/reason to call them during the week just to hang out. And I feel like it's too late now to call and get into the rhythm of hanging out w/ them regularly. Cos like, ya kno, over the summer there's always two or three people you talk to almost every day and see at least 4 or 5 times a week. The people who you can just hang out with in the middle of the afternoon not doin anything. And I know I can't do that now with the friends that I haven't even seen 5 times this summer. Bummer, man.
But then sometimes I'm not disappointed about not hanging out with them. Like when I'm with all of them I have a good time, but most of those kids I would never hang out with or really even talk to one-on-one. So then it's like, well, why would I expect them to call me in the first place, ya kno? I'm not one of the "regulars" of the group, I guess you could say. So that's when I don't feel sad about not hanging out with people who aren't even really "true" friends ya kno? And then I sometimes feel like I missed out on something. Like, I'm not gonna have that group of friends in 3 or 4 years that I still talk to and get together with from high school, and those kids will...and I feel like I somehow missed out on the high school experience by not havin that. I mean sure, I made some good friendships, and a few really true ones, which feels good, but I don't have that bond with a group, which always feels so good to have.
So I dunno...I just hope in college I can find that. A group. Not that I feel like I really need to have one, cos I want to hang out with different people, but I just want that safe, "I belong here" feeling. Like I would have a group to turn to and support me, not just individual relationships. Although I want those, too. By the way, if you haven't noticed yet, I'm really getting into this whole paragraphing thing. Anyway, I just don't want it to be a group like I had my junior year...not sayin it was bad, cos we definitely had some good times together, but it just fell through. I know nothing lasts forever, shit happens, blah blah blah, but I just want to have some friendships I can take with me in life, and not just memories of them. I actually want the people there, still with me, still people I can really call "friends."
"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.
Before him I may think aloud."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
That guy knew his stuff.