Bleh
I'm still feeling very hurt...which is par for what's happened.
I know I said things I probably didn't mean, and I hope he didn't mean all the mean things he said to me. I guess you could still say I'm in shock, he was supposed to be the nice guy, the one that had been hurt by so many people he would never do the same to another person.
It hurts to know that he thinks he is justified in what he did because he feels he is in love with another person. At one time he loved me too...so why couldn't he have broken up with me when he didn't feel he loved me anymore? I don't think there's any answer anyone can give to make it right or to make me feel better.
Everyone keeps saying that there's someone out there for me. I hope there is, because I have my doubts. As I get older, all the guys I meet are either married, in a relationship, or if I am interested, they're not interested in me.
I'm not going to go out and try to jump into another relationship...I know that would be a terrible mistake despite the fact that right now I'm desperate to feel loved. I have to deal with the pain, the temptation to be a weak feeble mess and focus on the things that make me who I am.
Yesterday I spoke with my mother at great length. I haven't been able to talk that candidly with her in years. Maybe it was the first time in my life that I was able to be completely honest with her because I felt I had nothing else to lose. I was already hurt and rejected so one more wouldn't matter would it?
But she was completely understanding and she cried with me, she cried for me. She understood how I felt so alone and suggested it was because I still haven't found myself.
How does one find themselves?
I know that if I want continual steady happiness I need to do that. Heh...didn't realize I was so lost. So please...I could use the encouragement and the distraction...If you have any insights or personal stories to share about how you found yourself or are trying to find yourself...post them...or send them my way.
Love to all.
~Brooke
I know I said things I probably didn't mean, and I hope he didn't mean all the mean things he said to me. I guess you could still say I'm in shock, he was supposed to be the nice guy, the one that had been hurt by so many people he would never do the same to another person.
It hurts to know that he thinks he is justified in what he did because he feels he is in love with another person. At one time he loved me too...so why couldn't he have broken up with me when he didn't feel he loved me anymore? I don't think there's any answer anyone can give to make it right or to make me feel better.
Everyone keeps saying that there's someone out there for me. I hope there is, because I have my doubts. As I get older, all the guys I meet are either married, in a relationship, or if I am interested, they're not interested in me.
I'm not going to go out and try to jump into another relationship...I know that would be a terrible mistake despite the fact that right now I'm desperate to feel loved. I have to deal with the pain, the temptation to be a weak feeble mess and focus on the things that make me who I am.
Yesterday I spoke with my mother at great length. I haven't been able to talk that candidly with her in years. Maybe it was the first time in my life that I was able to be completely honest with her because I felt I had nothing else to lose. I was already hurt and rejected so one more wouldn't matter would it?
But she was completely understanding and she cried with me, she cried for me. She understood how I felt so alone and suggested it was because I still haven't found myself.
How does one find themselves?
I know that if I want continual steady happiness I need to do that. Heh...didn't realize I was so lost. So please...I could use the encouragement and the distraction...If you have any insights or personal stories to share about how you found yourself or are trying to find yourself...post them...or send them my way.
Love to all.
~Brooke