after all of this
discussing the way that subatomic particles respond to human thought and intention in the laboratory and the larger implications and principles this supports with my cousin today, he said that a japanese scientist did a study on the structure of water molecules after seperate bottles had different words eg. love, hate, etc. taped on them and after x numbers of hours the angles of the bonds, etc, had changed. so i am supposed to trust the chaotic order of the universe that is somehow keeping us afloat, but i am unsure how much free will to figure into it and how much that figures into the larger picture of order, and maybe i don't subscribe enough love into my life and so nothing is responding, and how much CAN one person love me when they go to sleep at night, and if i am creating my life and the universe responds to me and vice versa why are things so ugly, does time heal all things or do you just forget biologically as related to stress and forgetfulness and am i ever going to get better and what about death and smoothing out the wrinkles and my brother's wedding was so beautiful and love is so horrible sometimes and i am tied up in ticking of the clock in the same town in the same stacked bricks and maybe if i just put the word love all over my building and my legs and my clothes and just believed enough it would respond. if i'm seeing it all wrong then i need a new idea and if that doesn't work then i am all out.