Voodoo, Niagra Falls, and the Hope That I'll Never be Obese
I thought I needed a place to be me.
So I tried that.
And failed.
So here's my newest attempt.
I'm not really good at these first... this is who I am entries. So I decided to dive right into this.
I just got back today from my weekend in Niagra Falls, NY. I drove Ashley's sister, Kailee up there to live with their Aunt Tammy. None of us thinks she'll last there, but she's stuck, because no way in hell will I be driving back up to get her. But, we'll see how that goes.
I was on my way back earlier today and was pulled over for going 73mph in a 65 zone. Stupid end of the month cop quota. Ridiculous. I didn't even know my speed limit because of that stupid fuse we still haven't changed out so that my speedometer continues to work properly. Hmm it's possible that that's more important than I give it credit for.
Ashley thought it was hilarious.
I've been having one of those moments today... the ones where I think back on things I've done and silently reprimand myself for being such a horrid person sometimes. I'm trying to forgive myself, but mostly wonder sometimes if I'll ever be able to... especially when they haven't forgiven me.
I doubt it.
Brad's still ego boosting me on occasion and re-deflating my head if it gets toooo big. Good thing I have friends like that. Ashley and Brad are my lifesavers.
Mark's over just for the night, since we couldn't spend the weekend together, even though I've been wishing we had a little. I'm exhausted and I missed him a lot.
I'm kind of rambling. I wish I had a direction to go with this chattering.
I'm feeling like... someone else.
Like Hyde took over my body and for most of my life I was Hyde... and now Hyde's gone and I'm Jekyll again... and I should have no care in the world about that Hyde character because he's gone... and it's just me now. Safe and sound... no harm done.
But harm was done... and as of yet the biggest price I've paid is the absence of one very superb person in my life.
And I should be able to swallow it back and press onward.
So what am I doing NOT pressing onward? Why do I keep rewinding for a moment in time? It's like the movie keeps skipping backward to that part...
I won't ever forgive myself for it, though I know it's stupid and I should.
This is insane.
I know they're going to yell at me and talk me out of being dissatisfied with myself as a person. This isn't for them though, it's all for me.
Selfish, but true.
-------
I'm not sure why I just thought of this, but I love working out. I just realized it today when I got home.
This weekend was a bust on food. I couldn't eat anything healthy because I'm poor and all I was offered was junk food. I ate so many potato chips, chicken nuggets, hot dog pieces, mac and cheese, french fries, candies, etc. this weekend, I could explode.
I gained about a pound just over these past two days. I was so unbelievably disgusted with myself... which in turn made me proud of myself. Oddly enough.
Well, after eating two slices of pizza at Ashley's house when we got back, I came home and did my Wii Fit Plus routine for 45 minutes. 20 of it was just Free Stepping. Then I did jack knives, bridge-extensions, the sitting v-pose, hula hooping, and I went for a short run. I felt so much better after having worked a bit of the disgusting off of myself.
I can't ever be fat. I want to be cute. Very badly. And it's impossible for me to do if I'm ever morbidly obese.
And so I feel happy about my little bout of being a "sporty" chick.
Not that that's ever who I'll be.
I think it's time for bed, as my fiance, Mark, is giving me that look. That cheesy, but adorable smirk that says it's bed-time.
Well, goodnight... whoever passes by this, if anyone does, that is.
Wish me luck on my Algebra test tomorrow.
-Katt Martin- (AKA KD)
So I tried that.
And failed.
So here's my newest attempt.
I'm not really good at these first... this is who I am entries. So I decided to dive right into this.
I just got back today from my weekend in Niagra Falls, NY. I drove Ashley's sister, Kailee up there to live with their Aunt Tammy. None of us thinks she'll last there, but she's stuck, because no way in hell will I be driving back up to get her. But, we'll see how that goes.
I was on my way back earlier today and was pulled over for going 73mph in a 65 zone. Stupid end of the month cop quota. Ridiculous. I didn't even know my speed limit because of that stupid fuse we still haven't changed out so that my speedometer continues to work properly. Hmm it's possible that that's more important than I give it credit for.
Ashley thought it was hilarious.
I've been having one of those moments today... the ones where I think back on things I've done and silently reprimand myself for being such a horrid person sometimes. I'm trying to forgive myself, but mostly wonder sometimes if I'll ever be able to... especially when they haven't forgiven me.
I doubt it.
Brad's still ego boosting me on occasion and re-deflating my head if it gets toooo big. Good thing I have friends like that. Ashley and Brad are my lifesavers.
Mark's over just for the night, since we couldn't spend the weekend together, even though I've been wishing we had a little. I'm exhausted and I missed him a lot.
I'm kind of rambling. I wish I had a direction to go with this chattering.
I'm feeling like... someone else.
Like Hyde took over my body and for most of my life I was Hyde... and now Hyde's gone and I'm Jekyll again... and I should have no care in the world about that Hyde character because he's gone... and it's just me now. Safe and sound... no harm done.
But harm was done... and as of yet the biggest price I've paid is the absence of one very superb person in my life.
And I should be able to swallow it back and press onward.
So what am I doing NOT pressing onward? Why do I keep rewinding for a moment in time? It's like the movie keeps skipping backward to that part...
I won't ever forgive myself for it, though I know it's stupid and I should.
This is insane.
I know they're going to yell at me and talk me out of being dissatisfied with myself as a person. This isn't for them though, it's all for me.
Selfish, but true.
-------
I'm not sure why I just thought of this, but I love working out. I just realized it today when I got home.
This weekend was a bust on food. I couldn't eat anything healthy because I'm poor and all I was offered was junk food. I ate so many potato chips, chicken nuggets, hot dog pieces, mac and cheese, french fries, candies, etc. this weekend, I could explode.
I gained about a pound just over these past two days. I was so unbelievably disgusted with myself... which in turn made me proud of myself. Oddly enough.
Well, after eating two slices of pizza at Ashley's house when we got back, I came home and did my Wii Fit Plus routine for 45 minutes. 20 of it was just Free Stepping. Then I did jack knives, bridge-extensions, the sitting v-pose, hula hooping, and I went for a short run. I felt so much better after having worked a bit of the disgusting off of myself.
I can't ever be fat. I want to be cute. Very badly. And it's impossible for me to do if I'm ever morbidly obese.
And so I feel happy about my little bout of being a "sporty" chick.
Not that that's ever who I'll be.
I think it's time for bed, as my fiance, Mark, is giving me that look. That cheesy, but adorable smirk that says it's bed-time.
Well, goodnight... whoever passes by this, if anyone does, that is.
Wish me luck on my Algebra test tomorrow.
-Katt Martin- (AKA KD)