(no subject)

[kedobe]

Oh boy. What in the world am I doing to myself? I have spent soooo much money in two days... I'm so tired of dealing with bullshit and drama. Why is it that I do this to myself? Why can't I just put my foot down? Why am I such a pushover and the "nice guy"? When am I going to learn to stand up for myself? Since Kris and I are broken up, I'm trying my best to occupy my mind so that I don't think about it. Unfortunately, I'm not doing well for myself. When I talk to Kris, he only wants to hear about the "happy stuff". Well, ya know... I wish I could ignore all the crap in my life right now, and pretend nothing is wrong, but I can't. Unfortunately, there's this sickening feeling in my stomach that keeps getting worse and won't leave. I feel like I'm not doing something right. Fact of the matter is that I'm not doing alot of things right. I'm up here in Alabama right now. God only knows why. I just want to go home, crawl in bed next to Kris, pull the covers over my head and wish everything away. I'm sick of the way things are. Kelly works her ass off and ends up giving all her money to mom. I have spent almost $400 in two days. Taking mom out to dinner. Filling up their gas tank so Eric can teach a dance lesson and make money. Giving mom $50 here and $30 there. Ugh. I feel so sick. She had the nerve tonite to ask me for more money so her and Eric could go to the bar. I don't know why I did, but after they asked for $40 or $50, I agreed that I would give them $30. I already gave her $50 a few hours ago.... where did that go?! So they go to the bar and walk in a few mins ago (hours later). Mom says Eric got into it with the bartender beause they supposedly drank $50 worth and only gave him $30. The bartender said he was calling the cops on them. So guess what. Mom has my bank card right now to go get the money out that she needs at an ATM. I know good and well she's gonna find out the balance in my account, but I didn't think of that till she had already left. She'd better not take out more than she should or I'm gonna be hot headed. Her, Kelly, and Eric have until Monday to move all their stuff out. They don't know where they are going to go. ::shrug:: And yet they are worried about drinking all nite. Ugh. I'm so throughly pissed. My whole tax refund is gonna be gone in three days. That's almost $1000 down the drain. When do I get my turn?? I know mom got a job today. She starts orientation at 9am on Saturday. If she fucks this up, her ass is gonna meet my foot. I can't wait to just leave everything behind me. I miss Kristopher so bad it makes me sick. Oh yeah. Something new. Dustin tells me I act like a kid cause we were in Subway (one of the ones inside of WalMart) and I drew on a napkin, and was dancing to the music on the radio in his truck. What kinda bs is that?! He told me "I don't need to raise another kid!" What the fuck ever. Get over yourself. As far as my missing $500 digital camera goes that got stolen, I talked to mobile PD tonite and he told me to call back tomorrow with the serial number of the camera and the street address it got stolen from, and they would try to track it down for me. I'm crossing my fingers on that. As far as my GameCube goes... I had lent it to KC (a kid from the neighborhood). I went and tried to get it from him the other nite and he was sleeping but his parents and sister told me it wasn't there. They told me to ask Mark, who is across the road. Mark wasn't home neither, but they also said it wasn't there. So... Mom and Eric follow me over there tonite and we start a big commotion cause Mark and KC are gone, and I want my damn GameCube and everyone was playing he said-she said. So Mark calls me on someones house phone and says KC said he gave it to Jennie. I was like "Why the fuck would he give it to her?! She lives in Mississippi!!" So then a few mins later, KC calls and ends up talking to Eric. Kept saying he gave it to Jennie and then finally admitted he let a friend borrow it. So Eric asks him if he could get it that nite. KC said he could. Eric told him he has till 6p tomorrow (technically today). We're supposed to go back over there around 6p and I'll bet all hell breaks loose. Someone's gonna end up starting something. I told Eric to bring a cop over just in case. He said no way. We'll see I guess. I'm just tired. I'm sick of everything. My cell phone has also come up missing. I know for a fact I left it in Dustin's wrecker, but he won't let me look cause "he's already cleaned his wrecker out and it's not in there". He gave me his old phone, but took out the SIM card. I don't want to think he'd do this to me, but right now I'm not putting anything past anyone... but I think he's got my cell phone and is gonna put his sim card in my phone. I'm gonna try to call Nextel tomorrow to see if I can stop it just in case. But anyways. Venting is out for now. I'm exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and everything else. It's almost 4a. I'm going to bed now while I still can. Please give me some comments, or words of advice/caution, or encouragement... or something!! I'm not really sure what to do anymore........

UPDATE: It is now over 2 hours since mom and Eric left with my credit card to go take money out of the ATM. I am really worried because they still aren't home. I keep checking my bank acct and no money has been taken out. They said they were going to Mango's (a bar). I did a little research and Mango's is only 8.07 miles away. WTF?! I'm gonna drive over there and see what I can find out, and PRAY to God they didn't get pulled over on the way there (after all, the bartender DID say he was calling the cops on them). Damnit. I'm sure they are okay.... so why am I so worried?????????