Broken Little Girl...

[kedobe]

What do I do? I'm one lost puppy. I keep running around in circles trying to find something to fill the void, but it just isn't happening. If you haven't heard yet, Kris and I broke up about three or four weeks ago. I was tired of how he talked to me/treated me... and I decided to listen to everyone tell me what they would do if they were me. Let me just tell you. I am NOT happy. I'm a very sad person. You guys wouldn't believe it. I thought moving to Mobile and dating Dustin would help things heal, but that's just making things worse. And to better the situation, I told Kris that he was bascally the love of my life and that I wished I hadn't listened to what everyone else thought. The sad part? I don't think he wants to get back with me. I think he's just now starting to enjoy his life. He's got another part time job starting up soon, and things at work are coming together. I think he feels better off without me. And that hurts like hell. I would like to move back to Florida, but I don't want to be so close to him if we're not going to be able to get back together. And he also already told me that "if" we were to get back together, I need to find my own place to live. He's always been that way. Oh. I've stayed here for two nights, and the first nite, we played around. The next morning, I wrote him a note telling him how I felt and to let me know what he feels when he's ready. Then I told him to walk over to my computer to listen to a song. It was "Against All Odds". What did I find when I come home but "Spoon" by the Dave Matthews Band. Look up the lyrics to that song. What the hell is that supposed to mean? That I hurt him so bad that he's confused as to what to do??? What about when he broke up with me on November 5-th?! Did he not think that hurt like hell? I don't know what to do you guys. I love Kris to death and would give anything to have things back the way they were. There's got to be something I can do. Should I stay in Alabama till he makes up his mind? How will I know he'll ever want me back? I know I probably dug a knife through his heart when I told him I was dating Dustin. I know how it would feel if I knew he was dating someone else. I don't know how to fix things. I feel like I'm drowning, and the lifeguard is standing on land watching me drown, because he doesn't know if he wants to save me yet.

Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now):

How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking
Every breath with you
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
'Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
Oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
But to wait for you is
All I can do
And that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now
'Cause l'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
That's the chance I've qot to take

Take a look at me now