Fic: She won't be thinking about her in the morning.
Title: She won't be thinking about her in the morning.
Pairing: Brittany/Santana; mentions sex with Mike, Finn, dating Puck.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1000 +
Summary: Santana tells herself she won't think about her in the morning. Except she does.
Spoiler: 1x15 Power of Madonna
Disclaimer: I don't own them...blah blah blah.
This is my first fic so please be easy on me and let me know if I did anything wrong.
She won't be thinking about her in the morning. That's why she does it.
Santana sleep with Mike after one of Puck's parties. She isn't drunk and she really doesn't want to blame it on that at all anyways. She wants to sleep with Mike, she really does. It'll make her forget about her. At least that what she tells herself. She can't think about her like she has been. Her parents would think it's wrong. People in school would think it's wrong. So because of that she tells herself that it is wrong. So she sleeps with Mike.
But she thinks about her in the morning. She thinks about how Brittany will look when Santana tells her that she slept with Mike. She always tells her what she does. She is her best friend. Santana will notice the hurt that will flash in her eyes for a second, and Santana's heart will clench. But then Brittany will plaster on a smile and say it's okay. So Santana tells herself it is.
Santana Lopez cannot be in love with her best friend. She can't. She convinces herself that it's only because they have great sex that she feels this way. That maybe all she has to do is find someone else, a guy, that she has better sex with and then it will go away. So that's what she does.
She won't be thinking about her in the morning, she tells herself before she takes Finn's virginity.
It's better to be a slut than possibly gay and in love with your best friend right? That's what she tells herself. Her parents will probably kick her out if they knew how she felt for Brittany. Or send her away where she can't see Brittany. And there is no way she can deal with that. So she tells herself she can't love her. She can't stand to not have her in her life so she will settle for hurting her if it keeps her around in some capacity.
But she thinks about her in the morning.
“I don't feel anything because it didn't mean anything” Finn had said after. Santana realizes that's what's happening every time she sleeps with a guy. She doesn't love them.
She tells Brittany that she slept Finn. And she pretends she doesn't die a little when she sees that she hurts Brittany. Again. She sees how Kurt gets pushed around for being gay. She can't let Brittany go through that. She tells herself that she is protecting her. She tells herself maybe one day she won't have to. One day.
Santana Lopez cannot be in love with her best friend. Except that she is. She has known for awhile. Probably since they were kids when she really thinks about it. Santana was always Brittany's protector. And she's afraid that if the truth were to come out, she couldn't protect her. She can't let that happen.
Santana tells herself all these reasons why she and Brittany can't be together. Convinces herself of all these things.
“Why?” Brittany asks her one day when they are sitting in Brittany's room studying. She knows what Brittanys asking but she plays dumb.
“Why what, B?
“Why can't we be like together together? I love you.”
“Because...because...” Santana can't say all the things she convinced herself of because deep down she knows that aren't true. And that scares the shit out of her. “You can't love me.” She says as she gets up and walks out of the room. She can't look back because she knows Brittany is hurting. She knows she is probably crying. And Santana knows she would cry too. So she leaves.
Santana Lopez is in love with her best friend. So in love with her best friend. It scares the shit out of her to love her so much. She knows there is nothing she can really do about it. There never really was. But she always tried to push it away. That's what she plans to do when she gets to Puck's party. She plans to push it away. She plans to sleep with Puck. I mean they dated once right, she has to feel something? She plans to sleep with Puck and feel something.
She won't be thinking about her in the morning she plans to tell herself. She won't think about how much she loves her. How much she hurts her. How much she wants to be with her. How much she wants to say fuck you to Lima and school and her parents if she has to. She plans not to think about these things in the morning.
And for one she doesn't think about her in the morning like she usually does.
She doesn't need to because she is in the bed right next to her.
“I'm an idiot.” She told Brittany last night after she ran out of Puck's party and all the way back to Brittany's. She has tears in her eyes and an ache in her heart. She loves Brittany with all her heart.
“I know S.” Brittany says as she pulls the other girl into her room and pulls her into a hug. “I love you S.”
“Fuck them all!” Santana says pulling away to look up at the blonde.
“Huh?” Brittany asks confused.
“Fuck them all B. I was scared. I was stupid. But I don't care anymore. You are all I ever wanted. All I ever needed. I know I can handle whatever Lima or assholes at school or my parents do because I will have you with me. I love you so much B.” Santana and Brittany both have tears streaming down their faces as they kiss. “I want to be with you B. Well that's if you'll still have me. I did...umm..I'm so sorry for ever hurting you. God I nearly died every time I saw how what I did hurt you. I just wasn't ready to deal with everything yet. And...I really don't want to be too late to still have you. Please I will do anything B. I'll hold your hand in the hallway or whatever. I'll punch everyone in the face if they say something. I just want to be with you B. Please tell me it's not too late B.” Santana pleads holding Brittany's face in her hands.
“S, can we just go to sleep it's late. We have school tomorrow.” Santana's heart feels like it's gonna fall out of her chest. “And you need to get some sleep if you plan on beating everyone up to protect you girlfriend.” She finishes.
“What! Really?” She nearly squeals as Brittany shakes her head yes. “I love you so much B!” She says as she kisses her hard and they fall back onto the bad.
Santana doesn't need to think about Brittany in the morning because she is right next to her in bed. She has the love of her life. And this time it meant everything.