Like Ketchup and Mayo
Fandom: Glee (slightly AU)
Pairing: Puck/Santana, Santana/Brittany
Rating: PG-13
Words: ~3k
Summary: Santana loves Brittany but where does Puck fit in at all.
A/N: Here Autumn, finally some Pucktana! Hope you can keep up with the POV changes. Story is unbeta'd.
I’m gay. It was the last thing he expected to come out of her mouth. I mean like Ellen Degeneres in love with my own Portia, gay. The last thing he expected to come out of Santana Lopez’s mouth while she was busy fixing her bed. The bed she just had sex with him, as in a guy, in. To say you were a little confused would be an understatement. And a little hurt. Did I make her this way? Was that what she was trying to tell me? What was she even doing with me if she was gay?
“I don’t understand. You were just pulling the fucking inverted cowgirl or some shit with me. A dude.” He scrunched his eyebrows together as he watched her fixing her makeup in the mirror.
Santana sighed as she turned around and crossed her arms over her chest. “Look...” She quickly ran a hand through her hair trying to calm herself. Puck scooted towards the edge of the bed to hear her better. “I’m in love with Brittany. I really am. But I just...” It felt like a wave of sadness just came crushing down on you, that was the whole point of tonight, to let you down easy. She’s in love with Brittany, not you. Just like Quinn still wanted Finn, not you. You quickly stood up and grabbed your shirt not bothering to pay any more attention to what she was saying. You heard her calling your name as you bolted out the door and through the rest of the house out towards your car. You didn’t need to be let down again. To not be picked again.
You avoided her for a while after that. Skipped a couple Glee Club meetings. Didn’t answer her calls, deleted her text messages and didn’t bother listening to any voice mails she left. You don’t need to hear any more reasons or excuses. But you couldn’t stop yourself from going to see her. You knew her and Brittany still hung around after school around the track and football field. They wanted to keep themselves in shape even if they weren’t on the Cheerios. So you’d come and you’d sit high up in the bleachers and just watch. Watch the way the muscles in her legs would go rigid as she tried to land some flip or some shit. The way she’d always use her right hand to wipe the beads of sweat from her forehead. You’d just watch her. Once or twice you’re sure she’d looked up and caught you on the bleachers but she’d never commented about it the few scarce times you’d passed her in the halls or charge up the bleachers steps to confront you, so you didn’t mention it either.
“I miss him.” You mutter one evening as you lay with Brittany. Her fingers are trailing through your hair and you’re thinking of him. How fucked up is this? You think. You groan and roll over muttering a sorry into Brittany’s side.
“Why are you sorry, silly? It’s ok to miss Puck. It’s Puck.” She shrugs like it’s the simplest thing in the world.
She shoots up to stare at Brittany as she works herself into a rant. “Because I’m in love with you. I know that. And yes it is Puck. It’s fucking Puck. The asshole who knocked up his best friend’s girl because they were both too drunk to put on a condom. The ass who tried to make it all better by playing baby daddy. Who fucking cried when the little lizard was born. The guy who stuck up for Berry when no one else would, not even her boyfriend,” You don’t notice your voice is starting to soften as you rant continues, slight anger and confusion alleviating into something else. “The boy who beat up Karofsky in fifth grade because he called me a spic. The guy who’s never told a soul that I collect pokemon pez dispensers.” She chuckles a bit at that one, remembering the Christmas where he helped her finish her collection. “He’s just that guy. Why do I have to be in love with him?” With that she flops back down onto the bed with a groan. It takes a moment before what she’s said finally sinks in and she goes slightly rigid at the thought. “Shit. I’m in love with him. I’m in love with Puck.” Her eyes go wide as she rolls to face Brittany again. “I’m so sorry. I just…he’s Puck.” She scrambles to try and find the words to explain but Brittany runs a soothing hand down her arm and speaks up.
“San, really, it’s ok. I get it. It’s Puck after all.”
“But,” she furrowed her eyebrows further, in the back of her mind worrying about how many wrinkles she’ll have gathered once she finally figures this out, “I’m gay. At least…I just had this bigass revelation that I liked chicks and I’m in love with a guy. Isn’t that like against the rules or whatever? And I’m in love with you. I meant it when I said I don’t care about being with another guy ever again. And believe me you can do things to me that no penis ever could. Its just…Puck.” She sighed trying to will the tears she felt prickling behind her eyes not to come.
She felt a warm hand reach over and grasp her own. “San, listen to me. I know you love me. I know you want to be with me. But, you also want to be with Puck and I get that. It’s like how I always want ketchup and mayo on my hot dogs. They are both totally great separately but so amazing together and I would like die, or well be sad for a really long time if I could only ever have one again. My hot dogs would never be the same. Puck and I are your ketchup and mayo.” She smiled so brightly, like she had just finally figured out a rubicks cube, that you couldn’t help but smile a little as well.
“But I’m gay.”
“So? Puck’s totally just like your exception or something. Like, you’re not in love with his penis, although it is pretty big and so much better than any toy. You’re in love with him. Like how I love cherry popsicles and there was that one time I had an orange coloured popsicle but it was cherry flavoured. They both looked different but they were both cherry and that’s what I loved.” You scrunch up your face trying to understand her line of reasoning. “Besides, he is totally like your bitch most of the time anyways.”
You shake your head as you lean forward to kiss her, resting your forehead against hers after your lips part. “God, I am so in love with you.” You smile and kiss her once more. You might not have everything figured out right now but now at least you were sure Brittany would still be there, and that she understood, well probably understood more than you actually did.
It was a few weeks later when you were laying in your bed, arm tucked under your head reflecting on how it had gotten to this point. To the point where he was avoiding his best friend since childhood, the one person who understood him better than anyone else on the planet. “Fuck,” you mutter and roll over to stare out the window. When did this all get so fucked up? You stare at the beads of rain rolling down the window, contemplating when it all changed until you notice your vision starting to blur with your tears. You blink them away not even bothering to care and it all begins to click in your head. You’re reminded of the day nearly a year ago when you were crying ten times harder than this.
Santana was your rock the summer after Beth was born. She had been your rock nearly all your life but especially then. She just always seemed to know what you needed, be it a bottle of rum, a good fuck, or throwing on a sad chick movie just so you had an excuse for the tears that never seemed to stop coming just after Beth had come and gone. It was that summer, you realize, when things started to click in your head, or more accurately, in your heart. Santana was just always the one that stuck around, the one that really looked out for you. The only one that never really needed anything but for you to be you. You know it sounds so cheesy but there really was not putting into words exactly what Santana had come to mean to you.
You blink more tears away and come back into the present. This needed to end soon; you knew you needed to do something to start it or really end it all, the back of your mind added on. Puck, time to be a man.
You’re falling asleep in Spanish yet again, because really you could still pass it in your sleep, when a small scrunch of paper is tossed onto your desk. You press your hand over it quickly so Mr.Schue doesn’t notice then look over your shoulder to see where it came from. Puck. He catches your eyes for a moment and gestures for you to open it before he flicks his eyes back down to his notes. Wait…Puck is taking notes? Since when? You shake your head and smile slightly, out of the guys in Glee Club he was the one who had definitely gone through the most changes. He was really becoming a man. You quickly smooth out the small ball of paper across your notebook. Come over tonight. It reads, with a scarcely added To talk.
You watch out of the corner of you’re eye as she uncrumples the slip of paper and reads it over. You needed to do this, you tell yourself. You’re being a man. And yeah, ok, maybe you missed your best friend a fucking lot, more than you should miss someone who is with someone else. But if anyone asked you would swear it was just because you needed to get your rocks off and Santana was the best. The truth was though that you couldn’t even get your own rocks off since that day, since all these feelings came rushing to the surface. Feelings you would normally push away but this time it was about being a man. You needed to do this.
Santana turns towards you and mouths ‘what time?’ while pointing at her wrist. You think for a moment before replying with seven. She nods and faces forward again but you watch her a moment more. You never noticed she sat so close, the perfect angle to watch her out of the corner of your eye and still look like you were paying attention. That was probably because you hardly ever used to come to Spanish class, maybe you had a reason now. You break your gaze as Brittany leans over to Santana, probably to copy her work or something. You could never really be mad at Brittany, because come on, she’s Brittany, but even the sight of them together didn’t stop your heart from quenching a little. You buckle down the slight burst of emotion and remind yourself that it all comes down to tonight. Tonight, Puck, tonight.
“Seven o’clock,” you say as you glance at your phone one last time before opening Puck’s front door and walking inside. You didn’t bother knocking because you had pretty much been a staple in his house since you were a kid, just like Puck and Brittany had been in the Lopez house as well. You smile slightly thinking of all the Passovers and Hanukahs you’ve spent here. Your eyes focus on the stairs and you steel yourself up a bit as you start to make your way up them. You here the dull thump of rock music playing as you make your way up and you sigh when you realize it’s Puck’s emo chick rock music. Specifically, female-fronted rock bands singing all emo shit about their feelings and stuff. Puck only ever played it when he has really feeling down.
Santana sighed once more before pushing Puck’s room door open and marching inside. He was laying with his eyes closed on the bed and hadn’t even noticed she had come in. After a look around for the stereo she quickly slapped the power button and crossed her arms over her chest looking at Puck.
“Hey!” He bellowed slightly, sitting up in the process. His features softened some, taking on a kind of sadness when he realized it was Santana. “Hey,” he repeated more softly.
“Hey.” The silence drew out for a few seconds and you sighed and took a seat in his desk chair. “So, you wanted to talk?”
“Yeah.” You watched as he slid towards the edge of the bed and took a moment to figure out what he was going to say. “I love you.” You couldn’t help but gasp slightly and look him in the eyes, searching for anything to tell you he was lying, to make this easier. You saw nothing but the absolute truth though. Puck was in love with you. You opened your mouth to respond but he beat you to it. “But I know you’re gay and you’re with Brittany,” he continued. “And…I-I just don’t want to lose you.” His hands gripped the edge of the bed tight. “So, we can just be friends or…whatever you want. It’s not like it’s the first time I haven’t been picked anyways. I’m an asshole. But it’s…”
You couldn’t take it anymore. You knew he really felt that way, felt like everyone he had ever loved had not cared and just left. You worked to swallow the lump forming in your throat as you cut him off. “Stop Puck! You’re not worthless okay? I’ve never ever thought that. You’re my Puckasaurus…”
“San, just stop.” It was his turn to cut you off, his walls slowly starting to fall into place again. “Stop with the trying to let me down easy act okay? I’m trying to be fucking good here and suck it up. Go be gay with Brittany and shit just please…”
“Dammit Puck!” You screech with anger. Anger that he fucking continues to sell himself short, angry that you’ve probably contributed to that with this whole mess. “You’re my fucking only exception or some shit, okay? You’re the only guy I ever felt good with, the only guy I ever wanted to be with. I don’t know, okay? Fuck. I’ve known you as long as I have Brittany too. You know me just as well as her. And we’re both the same amount of fucked up. This is all so fucked up. But I just…” You take a calming breathe and run your hand through your hair. “I’m in love with you Puck. And I’m in love with Brittany too.”
You both just stare at each other for a few seconds letting the words and feelings sink in. It was mostly all out in the clear now. You loved each other, but she loved Brittany as well. “What does this mean?” You swallow your pride and ask. “For us? And for you and Brittany?”
You watch as Santana walks across the room and rests lightly on the bed next to you. You’re scared to breathe, scared to move, scared of what could come next. Scared of losing it all. “I don’t really know.” Santana finally says. “But I do know that I need you both. I can’t lost either one of you. It’s like you’re both a part of me, you both have been for so long. So I want to be with Brittany…and you. If you want? I’ve already talked with Brittany and she is totally fine with it she even said we wouldn’t have to use toys anymore.” She lets out a small chuckle and you can’t help but smile, leave it to Brittany to simplify it like that. “I mean, I know it’s not really traditional or whatever, but come on when have we ever been? And yeah I am gay but you’re just you. I can’t explain it and I’m not sure I really want to. I just want you both.” She turns to look at you and you’re silent while you try and shuffle through all your thoughts.
Maybe you could be that. I mean, she was picking you as her first guy right, her only guy, which had to count for something. And even though she is still with Brittany, Brittany was still bisexual so you could get in on that action as well., hell it seemed like Brittany even wanted you in on that action. Instead of giving space to all the thoughts in your head trying to push to the front, thoughts like ‘not good enough,’ ‘she’ll leave like the rest,’ you just leaned in and kissed her. It might not be perfect, but at least someone was thinking of you for once.
Pairing: Puck/Santana, Santana/Brittany
Rating: PG-13
Words: ~3k
Summary: Santana loves Brittany but where does Puck fit in at all.
A/N: Here Autumn, finally some Pucktana! Hope you can keep up with the POV changes. Story is unbeta'd.
I’m gay. It was the last thing he expected to come out of her mouth. I mean like Ellen Degeneres in love with my own Portia, gay. The last thing he expected to come out of Santana Lopez’s mouth while she was busy fixing her bed. The bed she just had sex with him, as in a guy, in. To say you were a little confused would be an understatement. And a little hurt. Did I make her this way? Was that what she was trying to tell me? What was she even doing with me if she was gay?
“I don’t understand. You were just pulling the fucking inverted cowgirl or some shit with me. A dude.” He scrunched his eyebrows together as he watched her fixing her makeup in the mirror.
Santana sighed as she turned around and crossed her arms over her chest. “Look...” She quickly ran a hand through her hair trying to calm herself. Puck scooted towards the edge of the bed to hear her better. “I’m in love with Brittany. I really am. But I just...” It felt like a wave of sadness just came crushing down on you, that was the whole point of tonight, to let you down easy. She’s in love with Brittany, not you. Just like Quinn still wanted Finn, not you. You quickly stood up and grabbed your shirt not bothering to pay any more attention to what she was saying. You heard her calling your name as you bolted out the door and through the rest of the house out towards your car. You didn’t need to be let down again. To not be picked again.
You avoided her for a while after that. Skipped a couple Glee Club meetings. Didn’t answer her calls, deleted her text messages and didn’t bother listening to any voice mails she left. You don’t need to hear any more reasons or excuses. But you couldn’t stop yourself from going to see her. You knew her and Brittany still hung around after school around the track and football field. They wanted to keep themselves in shape even if they weren’t on the Cheerios. So you’d come and you’d sit high up in the bleachers and just watch. Watch the way the muscles in her legs would go rigid as she tried to land some flip or some shit. The way she’d always use her right hand to wipe the beads of sweat from her forehead. You’d just watch her. Once or twice you’re sure she’d looked up and caught you on the bleachers but she’d never commented about it the few scarce times you’d passed her in the halls or charge up the bleachers steps to confront you, so you didn’t mention it either.
“I miss him.” You mutter one evening as you lay with Brittany. Her fingers are trailing through your hair and you’re thinking of him. How fucked up is this? You think. You groan and roll over muttering a sorry into Brittany’s side.
“Why are you sorry, silly? It’s ok to miss Puck. It’s Puck.” She shrugs like it’s the simplest thing in the world.
She shoots up to stare at Brittany as she works herself into a rant. “Because I’m in love with you. I know that. And yes it is Puck. It’s fucking Puck. The asshole who knocked up his best friend’s girl because they were both too drunk to put on a condom. The ass who tried to make it all better by playing baby daddy. Who fucking cried when the little lizard was born. The guy who stuck up for Berry when no one else would, not even her boyfriend,” You don’t notice your voice is starting to soften as you rant continues, slight anger and confusion alleviating into something else. “The boy who beat up Karofsky in fifth grade because he called me a spic. The guy who’s never told a soul that I collect pokemon pez dispensers.” She chuckles a bit at that one, remembering the Christmas where he helped her finish her collection. “He’s just that guy. Why do I have to be in love with him?” With that she flops back down onto the bed with a groan. It takes a moment before what she’s said finally sinks in and she goes slightly rigid at the thought. “Shit. I’m in love with him. I’m in love with Puck.” Her eyes go wide as she rolls to face Brittany again. “I’m so sorry. I just…he’s Puck.” She scrambles to try and find the words to explain but Brittany runs a soothing hand down her arm and speaks up.
“San, really, it’s ok. I get it. It’s Puck after all.”
“But,” she furrowed her eyebrows further, in the back of her mind worrying about how many wrinkles she’ll have gathered once she finally figures this out, “I’m gay. At least…I just had this bigass revelation that I liked chicks and I’m in love with a guy. Isn’t that like against the rules or whatever? And I’m in love with you. I meant it when I said I don’t care about being with another guy ever again. And believe me you can do things to me that no penis ever could. Its just…Puck.” She sighed trying to will the tears she felt prickling behind her eyes not to come.
She felt a warm hand reach over and grasp her own. “San, listen to me. I know you love me. I know you want to be with me. But, you also want to be with Puck and I get that. It’s like how I always want ketchup and mayo on my hot dogs. They are both totally great separately but so amazing together and I would like die, or well be sad for a really long time if I could only ever have one again. My hot dogs would never be the same. Puck and I are your ketchup and mayo.” She smiled so brightly, like she had just finally figured out a rubicks cube, that you couldn’t help but smile a little as well.
“But I’m gay.”
“So? Puck’s totally just like your exception or something. Like, you’re not in love with his penis, although it is pretty big and so much better than any toy. You’re in love with him. Like how I love cherry popsicles and there was that one time I had an orange coloured popsicle but it was cherry flavoured. They both looked different but they were both cherry and that’s what I loved.” You scrunch up your face trying to understand her line of reasoning. “Besides, he is totally like your bitch most of the time anyways.”
You shake your head as you lean forward to kiss her, resting your forehead against hers after your lips part. “God, I am so in love with you.” You smile and kiss her once more. You might not have everything figured out right now but now at least you were sure Brittany would still be there, and that she understood, well probably understood more than you actually did.
It was a few weeks later when you were laying in your bed, arm tucked under your head reflecting on how it had gotten to this point. To the point where he was avoiding his best friend since childhood, the one person who understood him better than anyone else on the planet. “Fuck,” you mutter and roll over to stare out the window. When did this all get so fucked up? You stare at the beads of rain rolling down the window, contemplating when it all changed until you notice your vision starting to blur with your tears. You blink them away not even bothering to care and it all begins to click in your head. You’re reminded of the day nearly a year ago when you were crying ten times harder than this.
Santana was your rock the summer after Beth was born. She had been your rock nearly all your life but especially then. She just always seemed to know what you needed, be it a bottle of rum, a good fuck, or throwing on a sad chick movie just so you had an excuse for the tears that never seemed to stop coming just after Beth had come and gone. It was that summer, you realize, when things started to click in your head, or more accurately, in your heart. Santana was just always the one that stuck around, the one that really looked out for you. The only one that never really needed anything but for you to be you. You know it sounds so cheesy but there really was not putting into words exactly what Santana had come to mean to you.
You blink more tears away and come back into the present. This needed to end soon; you knew you needed to do something to start it or really end it all, the back of your mind added on. Puck, time to be a man.
You’re falling asleep in Spanish yet again, because really you could still pass it in your sleep, when a small scrunch of paper is tossed onto your desk. You press your hand over it quickly so Mr.Schue doesn’t notice then look over your shoulder to see where it came from. Puck. He catches your eyes for a moment and gestures for you to open it before he flicks his eyes back down to his notes. Wait…Puck is taking notes? Since when? You shake your head and smile slightly, out of the guys in Glee Club he was the one who had definitely gone through the most changes. He was really becoming a man. You quickly smooth out the small ball of paper across your notebook. Come over tonight. It reads, with a scarcely added To talk.
You watch out of the corner of you’re eye as she uncrumples the slip of paper and reads it over. You needed to do this, you tell yourself. You’re being a man. And yeah, ok, maybe you missed your best friend a fucking lot, more than you should miss someone who is with someone else. But if anyone asked you would swear it was just because you needed to get your rocks off and Santana was the best. The truth was though that you couldn’t even get your own rocks off since that day, since all these feelings came rushing to the surface. Feelings you would normally push away but this time it was about being a man. You needed to do this.
Santana turns towards you and mouths ‘what time?’ while pointing at her wrist. You think for a moment before replying with seven. She nods and faces forward again but you watch her a moment more. You never noticed she sat so close, the perfect angle to watch her out of the corner of your eye and still look like you were paying attention. That was probably because you hardly ever used to come to Spanish class, maybe you had a reason now. You break your gaze as Brittany leans over to Santana, probably to copy her work or something. You could never really be mad at Brittany, because come on, she’s Brittany, but even the sight of them together didn’t stop your heart from quenching a little. You buckle down the slight burst of emotion and remind yourself that it all comes down to tonight. Tonight, Puck, tonight.
“Seven o’clock,” you say as you glance at your phone one last time before opening Puck’s front door and walking inside. You didn’t bother knocking because you had pretty much been a staple in his house since you were a kid, just like Puck and Brittany had been in the Lopez house as well. You smile slightly thinking of all the Passovers and Hanukahs you’ve spent here. Your eyes focus on the stairs and you steel yourself up a bit as you start to make your way up them. You here the dull thump of rock music playing as you make your way up and you sigh when you realize it’s Puck’s emo chick rock music. Specifically, female-fronted rock bands singing all emo shit about their feelings and stuff. Puck only ever played it when he has really feeling down.
Santana sighed once more before pushing Puck’s room door open and marching inside. He was laying with his eyes closed on the bed and hadn’t even noticed she had come in. After a look around for the stereo she quickly slapped the power button and crossed her arms over her chest looking at Puck.
“Hey!” He bellowed slightly, sitting up in the process. His features softened some, taking on a kind of sadness when he realized it was Santana. “Hey,” he repeated more softly.
“Hey.” The silence drew out for a few seconds and you sighed and took a seat in his desk chair. “So, you wanted to talk?”
“Yeah.” You watched as he slid towards the edge of the bed and took a moment to figure out what he was going to say. “I love you.” You couldn’t help but gasp slightly and look him in the eyes, searching for anything to tell you he was lying, to make this easier. You saw nothing but the absolute truth though. Puck was in love with you. You opened your mouth to respond but he beat you to it. “But I know you’re gay and you’re with Brittany,” he continued. “And…I-I just don’t want to lose you.” His hands gripped the edge of the bed tight. “So, we can just be friends or…whatever you want. It’s not like it’s the first time I haven’t been picked anyways. I’m an asshole. But it’s…”
You couldn’t take it anymore. You knew he really felt that way, felt like everyone he had ever loved had not cared and just left. You worked to swallow the lump forming in your throat as you cut him off. “Stop Puck! You’re not worthless okay? I’ve never ever thought that. You’re my Puckasaurus…”
“San, just stop.” It was his turn to cut you off, his walls slowly starting to fall into place again. “Stop with the trying to let me down easy act okay? I’m trying to be fucking good here and suck it up. Go be gay with Brittany and shit just please…”
“Dammit Puck!” You screech with anger. Anger that he fucking continues to sell himself short, angry that you’ve probably contributed to that with this whole mess. “You’re my fucking only exception or some shit, okay? You’re the only guy I ever felt good with, the only guy I ever wanted to be with. I don’t know, okay? Fuck. I’ve known you as long as I have Brittany too. You know me just as well as her. And we’re both the same amount of fucked up. This is all so fucked up. But I just…” You take a calming breathe and run your hand through your hair. “I’m in love with you Puck. And I’m in love with Brittany too.”
You both just stare at each other for a few seconds letting the words and feelings sink in. It was mostly all out in the clear now. You loved each other, but she loved Brittany as well. “What does this mean?” You swallow your pride and ask. “For us? And for you and Brittany?”
You watch as Santana walks across the room and rests lightly on the bed next to you. You’re scared to breathe, scared to move, scared of what could come next. Scared of losing it all. “I don’t really know.” Santana finally says. “But I do know that I need you both. I can’t lost either one of you. It’s like you’re both a part of me, you both have been for so long. So I want to be with Brittany…and you. If you want? I’ve already talked with Brittany and she is totally fine with it she even said we wouldn’t have to use toys anymore.” She lets out a small chuckle and you can’t help but smile, leave it to Brittany to simplify it like that. “I mean, I know it’s not really traditional or whatever, but come on when have we ever been? And yeah I am gay but you’re just you. I can’t explain it and I’m not sure I really want to. I just want you both.” She turns to look at you and you’re silent while you try and shuffle through all your thoughts.
Maybe you could be that. I mean, she was picking you as her first guy right, her only guy, which had to count for something. And even though she is still with Brittany, Brittany was still bisexual so you could get in on that action as well., hell it seemed like Brittany even wanted you in on that action. Instead of giving space to all the thoughts in your head trying to push to the front, thoughts like ‘not good enough,’ ‘she’ll leave like the rest,’ you just leaned in and kissed her. It might not be perfect, but at least someone was thinking of you for once.