Handling stress
This week I am having a very educational lesson in how I handle stress and why I tend to be one of those people who takes charge and also takes the “fine, I’ll just do it myself” approach.
My troupe is working on piece for a performance at a dance festival next weekend. The choreo is finally all locked in and we’re just smoothing things out. What has been a trial is the costumes. First there was pulling together a troupe order, then getting it sent in, then getting the vendor to respond, then waiting for shipping, and now hoping they show up in time. Plus we have parts we’re making ourselves, and there’s been decision making, and getting samples, and getting materials, and having the time to put these things parts together. I have one fun thing planned this weekend because I cleared the rest of my schedule to Get Things Done if need be. Also, for possible Driving Quite Far To Pick Things Up If It Comes To That.
I’m on day somethingysomething of anxiety dreams. During the day I can trick myself by saying, “Don’t worry, it’ll work out, or we’ll make it work, don’t freak out.” But at night my brain thinks it knows that, “IT’LL ALL END IN TEARS AND FIRE.”
When I’m responsible for the process or product I may be super stressed but I can manage it. When I’m depending on other people all the way down the supply chain to make the whole thing work, I freak out even when it’s unconsciously. I’ve had problems with other people and follow through in the past, so there is also a precedent.
So, almost needless to say, I’m exhausted, feeling pulled pretty fucking tight, and am not enjoying something that is usually fun even when it involves some stress and a lot of work (I like the work, I’m a process person!).
Right after this performance we have 5 and a half weeks to pull together three 45 minute festival sets, and right now we have the smallest troupe ever and some people are out one or the other day for previous obligations. Add in that I think I’m done performing in this capacity at the second event, and I’m feeling worn out. After we get through this I need to reexamine how I am participating in that event, Some plans are afoot that I am excited about.
On the other hand, a miracle of scheduling means this year I get to hit MD Sheep and Wool Festival!