(no subject)
Wow. Wearing my watch on my left wrist feels really weird. Even though I'm right-handed, I've always worn my watch on my right wrist. It just seemed to make sense, that when I wanted to check the time, I would aim the watchface at my eyes using my right arm, and I look at my watch way more often than I actually set it. I don't mind using my left hand to set the watch at all. I mean, it's good to make yourself do things with your nondominant hand. But I think having the watch on the arm of my dominant hand is messing up my handwriting. And yet, having the watch on my other arm is messing up my typing! It's like my brain doesn't know which hand is which because it's so used to the feeling of the watchband indicatng the right arm, and it can't keep track of where my hands are on the keyboard with the cue switched around. I guess I can try it for a day, but I'm probably going to go back to having my watch on my right arm.
In other news, I feel like I've been living in a mental fog for the past month or so. I don't know what the problem is, but I can't seem to get stuff done. I haven't followed up with that lady at the hospital about my work-study, and I haven't done so well on recent tests as I was doing earlier in the semester. I don't know what's wrong. It doesn't seem like stress because I was way more stressed last year and I didn't get brain fog like this. I hate this feeling, and I hate knowing that I'm not living up to my potential. At this rate, I'm not going to pull my GPA up at all and I'll graduate with a 3.0 which is not good enough for the kind of medical schools I'm interested in. Maybe I'll have to go to grad school for a year or two and do a master's in Neuroscience or something like that before I can get into med school. I guess it comes down to my MCAT score. I should start studying now, shouldn't I?
But wait, I can't do things like planning for med school or studying for tests inside this unremitting FOG! What's wrong with my brain? Is my ADHD getting out of control or something? I don't think taking more medicine will help. Maybe it's my sleep. I felt so much clearer during the summer even though I got high pretty often, but I was going to bed at 11 and waking up in the mornings after about 8 hours of sleep, using my sunlight simulator in the morning. Maybe this is all just chronic sleep deprivation. On one hand, I really hope that's what it is because that's so easy to fix, but on the other hand, I don't want to give up my nighttime! The night is when I feel best, and I hate to make myself go to bed when I don't feel tired, when I know my friends are having fun and I want to join them, and when it means stopping what I'm doing. Because I'm always in the middle of something, and it's never a convenient time to stop. Those background tabs in Firefox never go away -- they breed and multiply. If Firefox doesn't stop acting buggy when I upgrade to Windows 7, I'll have to start using Google Chrome. Look, it happened again! Tangential thoughts have defined my cognition for the past several weeks, and I'm tired of it!
Something has to give, because I should be making better than a 3.0 average. I shouldn't be screwing up tests in Calculus I (easy if you do even a little bit of the homework, which I'll have to start doing some day) or Experimental Psychology (easy but really tedious to study for, so I never study for it). I don't mess up Behavioral Neuroscience because that's just too interesting for me not to study it, but I can't take only super-interesting classes. I have a degree to earn, and I really want to get all A and A- grades this semester. I should have been earning those grades all my life, but the last time I made all A's was... the beginning of second grade. Whatever, the past is past, but I really want to pull my grades up this semester and next. If I make all A's, I can get it up to about a 3.2 which is way better than a 3.0 or 2.9 and I guess that's the best I can hope for. I just need to re-take Organic Chemistry lab 1 and 2, which I'm not doing now. Why? I don't know. This would be the perfect semester to retake Organic Lab 1 because it would have fit perfectly into my schedule. Hats off to anyone who can figure out why I didn't do it, because I've about given up understanding some parts of my own behavior.
In other news, I feel like I've been living in a mental fog for the past month or so. I don't know what the problem is, but I can't seem to get stuff done. I haven't followed up with that lady at the hospital about my work-study, and I haven't done so well on recent tests as I was doing earlier in the semester. I don't know what's wrong. It doesn't seem like stress because I was way more stressed last year and I didn't get brain fog like this. I hate this feeling, and I hate knowing that I'm not living up to my potential. At this rate, I'm not going to pull my GPA up at all and I'll graduate with a 3.0 which is not good enough for the kind of medical schools I'm interested in. Maybe I'll have to go to grad school for a year or two and do a master's in Neuroscience or something like that before I can get into med school. I guess it comes down to my MCAT score. I should start studying now, shouldn't I?
But wait, I can't do things like planning for med school or studying for tests inside this unremitting FOG! What's wrong with my brain? Is my ADHD getting out of control or something? I don't think taking more medicine will help. Maybe it's my sleep. I felt so much clearer during the summer even though I got high pretty often, but I was going to bed at 11 and waking up in the mornings after about 8 hours of sleep, using my sunlight simulator in the morning. Maybe this is all just chronic sleep deprivation. On one hand, I really hope that's what it is because that's so easy to fix, but on the other hand, I don't want to give up my nighttime! The night is when I feel best, and I hate to make myself go to bed when I don't feel tired, when I know my friends are having fun and I want to join them, and when it means stopping what I'm doing. Because I'm always in the middle of something, and it's never a convenient time to stop. Those background tabs in Firefox never go away -- they breed and multiply. If Firefox doesn't stop acting buggy when I upgrade to Windows 7, I'll have to start using Google Chrome. Look, it happened again! Tangential thoughts have defined my cognition for the past several weeks, and I'm tired of it!
Something has to give, because I should be making better than a 3.0 average. I shouldn't be screwing up tests in Calculus I (easy if you do even a little bit of the homework, which I'll have to start doing some day) or Experimental Psychology (easy but really tedious to study for, so I never study for it). I don't mess up Behavioral Neuroscience because that's just too interesting for me not to study it, but I can't take only super-interesting classes. I have a degree to earn, and I really want to get all A and A- grades this semester. I should have been earning those grades all my life, but the last time I made all A's was... the beginning of second grade. Whatever, the past is past, but I really want to pull my grades up this semester and next. If I make all A's, I can get it up to about a 3.2 which is way better than a 3.0 or 2.9 and I guess that's the best I can hope for. I just need to re-take Organic Chemistry lab 1 and 2, which I'm not doing now. Why? I don't know. This would be the perfect semester to retake Organic Lab 1 because it would have fit perfectly into my schedule. Hats off to anyone who can figure out why I didn't do it, because I've about given up understanding some parts of my own behavior.