another nightmare...
(Previously, I vaguely remember a dream about having a child, very bloody. I threw up everywhere. The same person who was there when i had the baby, was also in this dream, sitting at a table, with another guy.)
It starts out as a dream. I'm fine, skateboarding with a bunch of gay people, like a gay fraternity, but there were girls too. I remember distinctly there was a pregnant girl. I skateboarded up the hill, again there seemed to be water everywhere, like huge puddles all on either side of the sidewalk I was skateboarding on...
anyway we all ended up at a carnival. I remember being pissed off because I didn't have any money walking all around this fun place and I couldn't do anything but watch. Lots of stuff was going on, everything, I couldn't participate in...Again this place looks very familiar to me, like a place I know in Nebraska...
Anyway, I find a blue balloon, then see lots more balloons, Then I see a lady at a stand, and she asks if I want to pop it, I said okay and popped it, then she asks for ten dolllars, of course I don't have it, so I gave her the popped balloon and prize inside and walked off.
So I get to what looks like the end of the grounds, and walk into a building. The man who was there when i had the baby in the last dream, was sitting at a table. I walked around, and come to the conclusion that I am in a hotel. I go back into the other room with the guy at the table. Somehow, I was looking around, and found the pants i threw up all over in my last dream underneath a small side table...
This room appeared to be like a conference room, after noting the pants i look up and the guy sitting at the table is sitting having a conversation with another man about me, and when i had the baby. I just kinda stood back and listened. I looked out the window and noticed large bullet holes, and an elevator in the room. (I remember the 2nd man, talking about havin a sexual relationship with this girl?)
I don't really remember having any emotions at this point, i felt empty almost, anyway, i was very involved in the conversation, not talking but listening.
Then all the sudden I hear screaming. Loud horrible screams. not just one person, but several. very unison. I run into the other room, what looks to be another conference area, and ask what was going on. a girl sitting at the table tells me someone has bombed the building. As soon as I heard the screaming, I instantly felt sharp pain and fear. I asked the girl how many floors there were and she said eight. So I was trying to analyze how fast this end would come and where should I stand and who would I call...The last thing I saw before i woke up was an elevator.
I felt so panicked, crazy. odd. alone. fearful. useless.
In response to your comment Mala, i did go look it up, before you had said to.
but yes I agree with you, as far as losses are concerned. My ex recently was locked up. I'm very sad about it. I know he's going to be in there for a while. Hopefully not, God I hope not, but I'm not naive. Also another one of my friends has to go to court on some very serious charges this summer. I'm very afraid of losing him. So that's two very very strong male figures in my life.
Also I don't have many friends out here, I'm looking but no one right has popped up. I keep getting hit on by lots of men, but none want to be with me. And I don't want to fuck, I want a boyfriend, a manfriend rather. Either way, right now I feel very alone. Isolated. I'm starting to feel better, more adjusted. But i just don't know why I have so much conflicting emotion. I'm fighting myself. Now i feel it constantly.
As for the whole pregnancy thing, my two longest best friends are pregnant, one of thier little sisters is pregnant, and honestly, I think another one of my best friends is pregnant. so that makes four pregnancies. Lots of babies...
I know this is very long... but somebody give me feedback. I want it...
It starts out as a dream. I'm fine, skateboarding with a bunch of gay people, like a gay fraternity, but there were girls too. I remember distinctly there was a pregnant girl. I skateboarded up the hill, again there seemed to be water everywhere, like huge puddles all on either side of the sidewalk I was skateboarding on...
anyway we all ended up at a carnival. I remember being pissed off because I didn't have any money walking all around this fun place and I couldn't do anything but watch. Lots of stuff was going on, everything, I couldn't participate in...Again this place looks very familiar to me, like a place I know in Nebraska...
Anyway, I find a blue balloon, then see lots more balloons, Then I see a lady at a stand, and she asks if I want to pop it, I said okay and popped it, then she asks for ten dolllars, of course I don't have it, so I gave her the popped balloon and prize inside and walked off.
So I get to what looks like the end of the grounds, and walk into a building. The man who was there when i had the baby in the last dream, was sitting at a table. I walked around, and come to the conclusion that I am in a hotel. I go back into the other room with the guy at the table. Somehow, I was looking around, and found the pants i threw up all over in my last dream underneath a small side table...
This room appeared to be like a conference room, after noting the pants i look up and the guy sitting at the table is sitting having a conversation with another man about me, and when i had the baby. I just kinda stood back and listened. I looked out the window and noticed large bullet holes, and an elevator in the room. (I remember the 2nd man, talking about havin a sexual relationship with this girl?)
I don't really remember having any emotions at this point, i felt empty almost, anyway, i was very involved in the conversation, not talking but listening.
Then all the sudden I hear screaming. Loud horrible screams. not just one person, but several. very unison. I run into the other room, what looks to be another conference area, and ask what was going on. a girl sitting at the table tells me someone has bombed the building. As soon as I heard the screaming, I instantly felt sharp pain and fear. I asked the girl how many floors there were and she said eight. So I was trying to analyze how fast this end would come and where should I stand and who would I call...The last thing I saw before i woke up was an elevator.
I felt so panicked, crazy. odd. alone. fearful. useless.
In response to your comment Mala, i did go look it up, before you had said to.
but yes I agree with you, as far as losses are concerned. My ex recently was locked up. I'm very sad about it. I know he's going to be in there for a while. Hopefully not, God I hope not, but I'm not naive. Also another one of my friends has to go to court on some very serious charges this summer. I'm very afraid of losing him. So that's two very very strong male figures in my life.
Also I don't have many friends out here, I'm looking but no one right has popped up. I keep getting hit on by lots of men, but none want to be with me. And I don't want to fuck, I want a boyfriend, a manfriend rather. Either way, right now I feel very alone. Isolated. I'm starting to feel better, more adjusted. But i just don't know why I have so much conflicting emotion. I'm fighting myself. Now i feel it constantly.
As for the whole pregnancy thing, my two longest best friends are pregnant, one of thier little sisters is pregnant, and honestly, I think another one of my best friends is pregnant. so that makes four pregnancies. Lots of babies...
I know this is very long... but somebody give me feedback. I want it...