Boys Want Everything - Chapter 9
So I got this out much faster than I had planned on! I hope that everyone likes it. It was a fun chapter to write. A sequel is being seriously planned out for these boys. We're not at the end yet, though, so don't worry! :)
Chapter 9
Having gotten in the habit of rising early due to spending time working at his father’s legal firm, Arthur found himself sitting at the dining room table drinking orange juice and eating cereal at six in the morning. He didn’t like waking early, he really preferred sleeping in, but his sleep had been restless and he knew that if he tried to force his body to go back to sleep, he would only dwell on the previous night’s conversation with Merlin. He had no idea how to convince Merlin to give him a chance and he wasn’t even sure if he should. It was obvious there was something lurking behind Merlin’s easy, crinkly smile and wicked grin. Arthur wanted to ask but he hated the idea that Merlin may not answer him. Trust was important to him and Merlin didn’t appear to trust him.
Merlin’s friend Will had hinted that something had happened but Will had been so hostile that Arthur hadn’t been able to find out anything else. He sighed and pushed his cornflakes around in the bowl. If he couldn’t ask Merlin and Merlin wouldn’t tell him, how was Arthur supposed to believe Merlin when he said he trusted Arthur? Arthur considered Merlin to be among his closest friends. Merlin was the first person Arthur rang when he had good news and the first person he wanted to talk to when something was wrong. Merlin listened, offered his opinions, and told Arthur to get over himself. As much as he could get on Arthur’s nerves, Merlin was an important part of Arthur’s life and he didn’t want that to end.
Sighing, he snatched up the bowl of his half-eaten cereal, chugged the rest of the orange juice, and deposited the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. Morgana and Merlin weren’t awake yet but that didn’t mean Arthur had to wait for them. He sent a text to Lance telling him to go to the park whenever he woke up so that they could practise shooting goals before the pick-up game at ten. Lance probably wouldn’t meet him there until eight or nine but Arthur didn’t care, he didn’t want to wait in the house until Merlin woke up and tried to talk to him. He didn’t want to see Morgana watching them as they danced awkwardly around each other. He especially didn’t want to find out if Merlin was planning on going home a day early due to everything that had happened the night before.
Arthur changed, grabbed his football, and scribbled a quick note to Morgana telling her that he would be at the park and could use a cheerleader for their game later. He was about to walk out the door when he hesitated. After a moment of indecision, he went back to the notepad and wrote a note to Merlin, pushing it under the door to the guestroom before he left. He felt his stomach clench as he walked out the door, hoping that Merlin would read it in private or at least notice it before he ran into Morgana. Arthur didn’t think he could handle it if Merlin left without reading it and Morgana or Margaret found the note.
****
It was hard for Arthur to rein his temper in as he and Lance took practise shots against Lionel. When Lionel yelled at Arthur for the third time to stop being so aggressive, Arthur finally snapped and told Lionel to stop being such a girl.
“You can’t kick the keeper just because you missed your first shot, Arthur,” Lionel snapped, the ball tucked under his arm as he glowered at the younger blond youth.
“I didn’t mean to kick you!” Arthur exploded, ignoring Lance who was trying to calm him down. “You dove for the ball right when I was about to score, it’s not my fault your shoulder got in the way.”
Lionel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, mate, maybe you should go for a quick jog or something and get your anger out before everyone else gets here. At this rate you’re going to earn yourself a red card in the first few minutes and we can’t afford that.” He looked at Arthur seriously. “I don’t know what’s wrong but I won’t let you play if you can’t control yourself. It’s not fair to us or the other team if you hurt someone.”
“I’m not going to hurt anyone,” Arthur grumbled. “I’m not angry!”
“Come on, Arthur,” Lance said quietly, plucking Arthur’s shirt sleeve and nodding his head to the left. “Let’s just run to those trees and back, it’s not even a half mile.”
Arthur growled his frustration at the brothers and took off for the trees, ignoring Lance who was yelling at him to slow down.
Lance caught up to him quickly and said nothing as they sprinted for the trees. Arthur stopped once they got there and slumped against one of the tree trunks, saying nothing for long minutes as Lance panted next to him, trying to catch his breath. They both looked back at Lionel who was now waving at a few of the others boys and two of the girls who played in the pick-up games with them sometimes. Arthur wondered if Morgana would come to watch and if she would bring Gwen. He wondered if Merlin would come with her or if he would ring Gaius and asked to leave early.
The look on Merlin’s face the previous night when he’d told Arthur to go back to his room and not help him make up the bed had left Arthur feeling as though Merlin had gutted him. Merlin had always been so welcoming, had always let Arthur participate in things. It hurt to know that Merlin was starting to shut him out due to the unfounded belief that Arthur would forget him when he went off to university.
Lance cleared his throat and nudged Arthur’s shoulder, silently asking Arthur if he wanted to talk or head back to where the rest of their pick-up team had assembled.
Arthur shrugged and waved towards the team, indicating that they could return but that he didn’t want to talk. He appreciated Lance’s silent acceptance and ability not to pry. Lance was a good friend, Arthur thought, and he would be a good person to talk to if Arthur could figure out where to start.
They jogged back to where the others had gathered. Arthur’s anger had dwindled from raging fury to just general frustration. He sighed and nodded when Lionel told him that he would pull Arthur immediately if he thought Arthur was being too aggressive.
“Just let it go for the next two hours,” Lance suggested quietly, half-smiling when Arthur glared at him. “Whatever it is, you’re not going to sort it out on the field. Better to have fun for a bit and then fix it later.”
“I guess,” Arthur replied, looking in the direction Morgana would likely come from if she chose to watch. He hoped she was better and not still upset about Cenred. He knew she wouldn’t bounce back immediately but her temper the night before had been slightly frightening. ‘A bit like my own,’ he thought miserably. Lionel was right; he needed to get himself under control. Reacting like a child who hadn’t gotten their way wasn’t going to help him.
“What are we doing later?” Lance asked, trying to draw Arthur out of his mood.
“Huh?” Arthur asked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. He’d forgotten that they’d made plans for Sunday afternoon. “Oh, I’m not sure. What did you want to do?”
Lance shrugged. “It’s Merlin’s last day in town, right?”
Arthur didn’t answer. Instead he turned away and crossed his arms, not looking at Lance.
“Arthur?” Lance asked, a frown on his face. “What’s wrong?” When Arthur still didn’t answer him, Lance sighed. “We’ll figure it out later. Come on; let’s take some more practise shots. Just try not to kick me or my brother or anyone else this time.”
Arthur snorted and followed Lance, relieved, and somewhat sorry, that Lance hadn’t pushed him to talk. Merlin would have pushed him to talk, Arthur thought, or he would have just kept talking until Arthur broke down and told him so that Merlin would shut up. Sighing, Arthur chased after Lance to get the ball, trying to put all thoughts of Merlin out of his head, at least until the game was over.
****
It wasn’t until half-time that Arthur noticed Morgana, Gwen, and a blonde girl Arthur didn’t know standing on the side-lines and chatting to one another. He scanned the small crowd of onlookers and wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved not to see Merlin among them.
“Good goal,” Gwen told him when he jogged over, a warm and friendly smile on her face.
Arthur shrugged. “We’re still behind.”
Morgana rolled her eyes. “It’s only two to one at the half, you can still win.”
Arthur shrugged again and Morgana snorted. “How long have you been here?”
“Fifteen minutes,” Morgana answered. She turned to the blonde girl standing next to her. “Arthur, this is Vivian. She went to school with Gwen and me.”
Arthur nodded to her. He’d heard of Vivian before and very few of those things had been positive. “Nice to meet you.”
“Of course it is,” she said haughtily, looking at him as if he were something unpleasant on the bottom of her shoe.
Arthur raised an eyebrow at Gwen who ducked her head to hide a grin. “Is Merlin with you?” he asked quickly, trying not to sound eager or nervous.
“He was,” Vivian said, disgust seeping in to her voice. “He’s quite rude, isn’t he? I suppose you can’t expect much from people like that but it still comes as a shock.” Her eyes flicked to Gwen and her lip curled up in a sneer. “Some can pass better than others, but a pig with lipstick is still a pig.”
“Right.” Arthur stared at her in shock before turning to Morgana who looked as though she was rethinking her decision to bring Vivian along. “So where is Merlin now?”
“He’s talking to Lance,” Gwen answered, motioning to where Merlin and Lance were chatting on the other side of the field. “I’d actually like to say hello to Lance, I’ll go with you.”
Arthur, assuming Gwen wanted to escape from Vivian, didn’t protest. He shot Morgana an almost apologetic look when she made what sounded like a strangled cry at the realisation that she was to be left alone with Vivian.
“Why did she bring her along?” Arthur demanded quietly when they were a few metres away.
“She’s a piece of work, isn’t she?” Gwen replied almost sadly.
“You had to go to school with her,” Arthur said, realisation dawning on him. Gwen had probably had to deal with that sort of behaviour from Vivian and other students for years. He wondered if Merlin went through similar things at college and if that was why he was so reluctant to trust Arthur when he said he wouldn’t stop caring for him. Merlin had always known Arthur was wealthy but this summer had shown Merlin just how much. Arthur suddenly felt embarrassed and angry for reasons he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
“It wasn’t so bad,” Gwen replied. “Most of the girls aren’t like that and Vivian was in Morgana’s year so she won’t be going back with me.”
As they drew closer to where Lance and Merlin were chatting, Arthur heard Merlin saying, “I’m not sure, it’s going to be a busy year!”
“Well, maybe I’ll come see you,” Lance replied.
“I’d like that,” Merlin said and Arthur could see his grin. “I miss my friends when I’m in Ealdor.”
Lance looked like he was about to ask a question when he noticed Arthur and Gwen and waved at them. Merlin glanced at Arthur and then immediately back at Lance, muttering something Arthur didn’t quite catch before walking away. Lance frowned at Merlin and then at Arthur when Arthur paused, trying to decide if he should follow.
“Something’s not right with him,” Gwen whispered, watching as Merlin walked over to talk to Lionel and Rekha. “Do you think he’s upset that he has to leave tomorrow? I mean, I know it’s not easy for him in Ealdor, he doesn’t have to say much but you can tell it’s hard for him there.”
“What do you mean?” Arthur looked at Gwen in confusion. “He’s got Will and his mum is really nice.”
Gwen shrugged. “He didn’t really tell me anything. You can just tell it’s not easy when he talks about it.”
“Does he talk about it a lot?” Arthur asked, feeling hurt that Merlin had never talked to him about the problems he had back in Ealdor. Maybe Gwen was reading too much into things, Merlin hardly knew her.
Gwen shook her head. “No, but you can just tell.” She turned to say hello to Lance who was now standing a short distance away as though he was politely waiting for them to invite him into their conversation.
“We’re trying to figure out what we should do later,” Lance said to Gwen, trying to include Arthur, who was still watching Merlin, in the conversation as well.
“Vivian wants to go to Harrods,” Gwen replied, looking quickly at Arthur who made a disgusted noise.
“No,” he said and Gwen smiled. He ignored the conversation between Gwen and Lance and watched Merlin, who was now walking towards Morgana and Vivian.
“Team!” Lionel called out, interrupting everyone’s conversations. “Time to get back on the field.”
Arthur and Lance smiled apologetically to Gwen and jogged back onto the field. Arthur felt a pang of guilt for not having said anything to Merlin but then again, Merlin hadn’t approached him either. The thought wasn’t a comforting one.
****
Merlin sat on the grass with Gwen as the game continued. Morgana had left with Vivian to go shopping at Harrods, promising to meet up with everyone later once she had gotten rid of Vivian. Merlin had taken a dislike to the girl after she’d told him he needed to walk a short distance behind them so that people wouldn’t think they were together.
“Merlin,” Gwen said gently, interrupting Merlin’s thoughts. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he lied, a falsely bright smile on his lips as he turned to look at her. “I don’t really fancy football, is all.”
She sighed. “I don’t particularly like football either but you’re not even watching. Did you want to leave? I could tell Rekha to tell Lance and Arthur that we’ll meet up with them later. We could go get that ice cream we talked about.”
Merlin smiled at her for real this time. “That’s okay.”
“What is it?” she asked again, obviously concerned. “Is it Arthur? Did he do something?”
“It’s not Arthur,” Merlin replied, turning to look at where Arthur was running forward to help Lionel protect their goal.
“He likes you,” Gwen said simply. She giggled when he whipped his head around to stare at her. “It’s obvious to anyone who knows him.” She paused and then said a little nervously, “You don’t have to tell me but do you like him back? He can be difficult but he’s really not so bad under all of that and I told you before, I liked him once…you could…well, you’re more his type and I just…”
Merlin shook his head and squeezed her hand to get her to stop her rambling. “It’s not that.” When Gwen didn’t press him he added, “I do like him.”
Gwen squealed and clamped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly.
Merlin smiled. “It’s fine.” He sighed. “It’s just not that easy.”
“What do you mean? You like him and he likes you back. Merlin, he likes you a lot!” Gwen looked pleased but hesitant as well. She could tell there was more that Merlin wasn’t saying but didn’t want to push him too hard if he was unwilling to talk about it.
“Yeah,” Merlin said angrily, “but for how long? We’re both going to uni in a year. He’s not going to keep me around when he’s at uni. It’ll be easy while he’s at Eton. No one will see us together; no one will be able to say anything. But when he’s at Oxford? He’s not going to want anyone to know he’s a poof or dating a weird looking twink whose family can barely pay the bills.”
“Merlin!” Gwen said, clearly shocked.
“What?” he asked dejectedly. “It’s true, Gwen.”
“For one, you’re not weird looking,” Gwen told him gently, making Merlin scoff and turn away. “No, listen to me.” When Merlin looked back at her raising an eyebrow, she continued, “I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit. He likes you and it takes a lot for Arthur to like someone like that.”
Merlin shrugged. “I doesn’t matter. He’ll figure himself out when he’s at Oxford and he’ll forget me.”
“You know Arthur’s pretty sure he’s gay, yeah?” Gwen asked, more amused than anything. “He knows it’s not a phase. I was there when he told Mister Pendragon. Morgana told me to stay in her room but she and Arthur went out there and she yelled at him until he finally told Arthur that as long as he didn’t get HIV or start wearing rainbow flags, then it was fine.”
Merlin laughed despite himself at the image of Arthur in a rainbow t-shirt. He had a feeling Arthur wouldn’t be caught dead in one. “His father doesn’t care?”
“Oh he cares,” Gwen replied. “Maybe not for the reasons you think he does but he cares. He worries about Arthur and Morgana. Morgana thinks that Uther’s an old bigot but I don’t think it’s homophobia. I think he’s just worried and doesn’t know how to handle it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Have you told your family yet?” Gwen asked, getting the answer when Merlin looked away. “Maybe you should tell them and you might understand a bit better.” She reached out and took Merlin’s hand, squeezing once before just holding on to it. “You won’t be in trouble, will you?”
Merlin shook his head. “My mate Will reckons my mum and uncle already know.” He sighed. “I’m not really worried about them. I just…I don’t want to have to say anything.”
“It’s everyone else?” Gwen asked knowingly. When Merlin didn’t respond she said, “You shouldn’t think about them. They don’t matter. People are always going to talk nonsense, they aren’t worth it.”
“I know,” he replied quietly, thinking back to the Tanzanian girl Geoffrey had told him about and the khanga hanging on Geoffrey’s wall.
“You give them power over you by worrying about what they think,” Gwen said sternly. “You don’t have to tell everyone but you should tell your family.” She looked up at the game to see Arthur and the rest of the team tackling Lance into a hug for scoring. She smiled briefly and yelled encouragement before turning back to Merlin. “No one who cares about you is going to hurt you or hate you.”
“There’s no one left who can hurt me,” Merlin muttered.
Gwen frowned. “What do you mean?” When Merlin didn’t answer her she pushed him with her shoulder. “Merlin.” She squeezed his hand again. “What happened?”
He looked at Gwen, taking in the worried and concerned expression in her brown eyes. She was a good friend, he thought. She would keep his secret if he told her and never tell anyone else. He couldn’t tell her though, it didn’t feel right, and he shook his head.
Gwen nodded. “Whatever it was, you should tell someone. Maybe tell Arthur.”
“He’ll get angry,” Merlin replied. “I’ve already seen him lose his temper with Morgana; I don’t particularly want to be on the other end of it.”
Gwen snickered. “Well, at least think about it. I doubt you could tell him anything that would make him get too angry with you.” She shrugged. “Just remember what I told you before: if someone really cares, they won’t hurt you or hate you for who you are.”
Merlin sighed and turned back to watch Arthur play. “I hope so.”
Continue to Chapter 9 Part 2
Chapter 9
Having gotten in the habit of rising early due to spending time working at his father’s legal firm, Arthur found himself sitting at the dining room table drinking orange juice and eating cereal at six in the morning. He didn’t like waking early, he really preferred sleeping in, but his sleep had been restless and he knew that if he tried to force his body to go back to sleep, he would only dwell on the previous night’s conversation with Merlin. He had no idea how to convince Merlin to give him a chance and he wasn’t even sure if he should. It was obvious there was something lurking behind Merlin’s easy, crinkly smile and wicked grin. Arthur wanted to ask but he hated the idea that Merlin may not answer him. Trust was important to him and Merlin didn’t appear to trust him.
Merlin’s friend Will had hinted that something had happened but Will had been so hostile that Arthur hadn’t been able to find out anything else. He sighed and pushed his cornflakes around in the bowl. If he couldn’t ask Merlin and Merlin wouldn’t tell him, how was Arthur supposed to believe Merlin when he said he trusted Arthur? Arthur considered Merlin to be among his closest friends. Merlin was the first person Arthur rang when he had good news and the first person he wanted to talk to when something was wrong. Merlin listened, offered his opinions, and told Arthur to get over himself. As much as he could get on Arthur’s nerves, Merlin was an important part of Arthur’s life and he didn’t want that to end.
Sighing, he snatched up the bowl of his half-eaten cereal, chugged the rest of the orange juice, and deposited the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. Morgana and Merlin weren’t awake yet but that didn’t mean Arthur had to wait for them. He sent a text to Lance telling him to go to the park whenever he woke up so that they could practise shooting goals before the pick-up game at ten. Lance probably wouldn’t meet him there until eight or nine but Arthur didn’t care, he didn’t want to wait in the house until Merlin woke up and tried to talk to him. He didn’t want to see Morgana watching them as they danced awkwardly around each other. He especially didn’t want to find out if Merlin was planning on going home a day early due to everything that had happened the night before.
Arthur changed, grabbed his football, and scribbled a quick note to Morgana telling her that he would be at the park and could use a cheerleader for their game later. He was about to walk out the door when he hesitated. After a moment of indecision, he went back to the notepad and wrote a note to Merlin, pushing it under the door to the guestroom before he left. He felt his stomach clench as he walked out the door, hoping that Merlin would read it in private or at least notice it before he ran into Morgana. Arthur didn’t think he could handle it if Merlin left without reading it and Morgana or Margaret found the note.
****
It was hard for Arthur to rein his temper in as he and Lance took practise shots against Lionel. When Lionel yelled at Arthur for the third time to stop being so aggressive, Arthur finally snapped and told Lionel to stop being such a girl.
“You can’t kick the keeper just because you missed your first shot, Arthur,” Lionel snapped, the ball tucked under his arm as he glowered at the younger blond youth.
“I didn’t mean to kick you!” Arthur exploded, ignoring Lance who was trying to calm him down. “You dove for the ball right when I was about to score, it’s not my fault your shoulder got in the way.”
Lionel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, mate, maybe you should go for a quick jog or something and get your anger out before everyone else gets here. At this rate you’re going to earn yourself a red card in the first few minutes and we can’t afford that.” He looked at Arthur seriously. “I don’t know what’s wrong but I won’t let you play if you can’t control yourself. It’s not fair to us or the other team if you hurt someone.”
“I’m not going to hurt anyone,” Arthur grumbled. “I’m not angry!”
“Come on, Arthur,” Lance said quietly, plucking Arthur’s shirt sleeve and nodding his head to the left. “Let’s just run to those trees and back, it’s not even a half mile.”
Arthur growled his frustration at the brothers and took off for the trees, ignoring Lance who was yelling at him to slow down.
Lance caught up to him quickly and said nothing as they sprinted for the trees. Arthur stopped once they got there and slumped against one of the tree trunks, saying nothing for long minutes as Lance panted next to him, trying to catch his breath. They both looked back at Lionel who was now waving at a few of the others boys and two of the girls who played in the pick-up games with them sometimes. Arthur wondered if Morgana would come to watch and if she would bring Gwen. He wondered if Merlin would come with her or if he would ring Gaius and asked to leave early.
The look on Merlin’s face the previous night when he’d told Arthur to go back to his room and not help him make up the bed had left Arthur feeling as though Merlin had gutted him. Merlin had always been so welcoming, had always let Arthur participate in things. It hurt to know that Merlin was starting to shut him out due to the unfounded belief that Arthur would forget him when he went off to university.
Lance cleared his throat and nudged Arthur’s shoulder, silently asking Arthur if he wanted to talk or head back to where the rest of their pick-up team had assembled.
Arthur shrugged and waved towards the team, indicating that they could return but that he didn’t want to talk. He appreciated Lance’s silent acceptance and ability not to pry. Lance was a good friend, Arthur thought, and he would be a good person to talk to if Arthur could figure out where to start.
They jogged back to where the others had gathered. Arthur’s anger had dwindled from raging fury to just general frustration. He sighed and nodded when Lionel told him that he would pull Arthur immediately if he thought Arthur was being too aggressive.
“Just let it go for the next two hours,” Lance suggested quietly, half-smiling when Arthur glared at him. “Whatever it is, you’re not going to sort it out on the field. Better to have fun for a bit and then fix it later.”
“I guess,” Arthur replied, looking in the direction Morgana would likely come from if she chose to watch. He hoped she was better and not still upset about Cenred. He knew she wouldn’t bounce back immediately but her temper the night before had been slightly frightening. ‘A bit like my own,’ he thought miserably. Lionel was right; he needed to get himself under control. Reacting like a child who hadn’t gotten their way wasn’t going to help him.
“What are we doing later?” Lance asked, trying to draw Arthur out of his mood.
“Huh?” Arthur asked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. He’d forgotten that they’d made plans for Sunday afternoon. “Oh, I’m not sure. What did you want to do?”
Lance shrugged. “It’s Merlin’s last day in town, right?”
Arthur didn’t answer. Instead he turned away and crossed his arms, not looking at Lance.
“Arthur?” Lance asked, a frown on his face. “What’s wrong?” When Arthur still didn’t answer him, Lance sighed. “We’ll figure it out later. Come on; let’s take some more practise shots. Just try not to kick me or my brother or anyone else this time.”
Arthur snorted and followed Lance, relieved, and somewhat sorry, that Lance hadn’t pushed him to talk. Merlin would have pushed him to talk, Arthur thought, or he would have just kept talking until Arthur broke down and told him so that Merlin would shut up. Sighing, Arthur chased after Lance to get the ball, trying to put all thoughts of Merlin out of his head, at least until the game was over.
****
It wasn’t until half-time that Arthur noticed Morgana, Gwen, and a blonde girl Arthur didn’t know standing on the side-lines and chatting to one another. He scanned the small crowd of onlookers and wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved not to see Merlin among them.
“Good goal,” Gwen told him when he jogged over, a warm and friendly smile on her face.
Arthur shrugged. “We’re still behind.”
Morgana rolled her eyes. “It’s only two to one at the half, you can still win.”
Arthur shrugged again and Morgana snorted. “How long have you been here?”
“Fifteen minutes,” Morgana answered. She turned to the blonde girl standing next to her. “Arthur, this is Vivian. She went to school with Gwen and me.”
Arthur nodded to her. He’d heard of Vivian before and very few of those things had been positive. “Nice to meet you.”
“Of course it is,” she said haughtily, looking at him as if he were something unpleasant on the bottom of her shoe.
Arthur raised an eyebrow at Gwen who ducked her head to hide a grin. “Is Merlin with you?” he asked quickly, trying not to sound eager or nervous.
“He was,” Vivian said, disgust seeping in to her voice. “He’s quite rude, isn’t he? I suppose you can’t expect much from people like that but it still comes as a shock.” Her eyes flicked to Gwen and her lip curled up in a sneer. “Some can pass better than others, but a pig with lipstick is still a pig.”
“Right.” Arthur stared at her in shock before turning to Morgana who looked as though she was rethinking her decision to bring Vivian along. “So where is Merlin now?”
“He’s talking to Lance,” Gwen answered, motioning to where Merlin and Lance were chatting on the other side of the field. “I’d actually like to say hello to Lance, I’ll go with you.”
Arthur, assuming Gwen wanted to escape from Vivian, didn’t protest. He shot Morgana an almost apologetic look when she made what sounded like a strangled cry at the realisation that she was to be left alone with Vivian.
“Why did she bring her along?” Arthur demanded quietly when they were a few metres away.
“She’s a piece of work, isn’t she?” Gwen replied almost sadly.
“You had to go to school with her,” Arthur said, realisation dawning on him. Gwen had probably had to deal with that sort of behaviour from Vivian and other students for years. He wondered if Merlin went through similar things at college and if that was why he was so reluctant to trust Arthur when he said he wouldn’t stop caring for him. Merlin had always known Arthur was wealthy but this summer had shown Merlin just how much. Arthur suddenly felt embarrassed and angry for reasons he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
“It wasn’t so bad,” Gwen replied. “Most of the girls aren’t like that and Vivian was in Morgana’s year so she won’t be going back with me.”
As they drew closer to where Lance and Merlin were chatting, Arthur heard Merlin saying, “I’m not sure, it’s going to be a busy year!”
“Well, maybe I’ll come see you,” Lance replied.
“I’d like that,” Merlin said and Arthur could see his grin. “I miss my friends when I’m in Ealdor.”
Lance looked like he was about to ask a question when he noticed Arthur and Gwen and waved at them. Merlin glanced at Arthur and then immediately back at Lance, muttering something Arthur didn’t quite catch before walking away. Lance frowned at Merlin and then at Arthur when Arthur paused, trying to decide if he should follow.
“Something’s not right with him,” Gwen whispered, watching as Merlin walked over to talk to Lionel and Rekha. “Do you think he’s upset that he has to leave tomorrow? I mean, I know it’s not easy for him in Ealdor, he doesn’t have to say much but you can tell it’s hard for him there.”
“What do you mean?” Arthur looked at Gwen in confusion. “He’s got Will and his mum is really nice.”
Gwen shrugged. “He didn’t really tell me anything. You can just tell it’s not easy when he talks about it.”
“Does he talk about it a lot?” Arthur asked, feeling hurt that Merlin had never talked to him about the problems he had back in Ealdor. Maybe Gwen was reading too much into things, Merlin hardly knew her.
Gwen shook her head. “No, but you can just tell.” She turned to say hello to Lance who was now standing a short distance away as though he was politely waiting for them to invite him into their conversation.
“We’re trying to figure out what we should do later,” Lance said to Gwen, trying to include Arthur, who was still watching Merlin, in the conversation as well.
“Vivian wants to go to Harrods,” Gwen replied, looking quickly at Arthur who made a disgusted noise.
“No,” he said and Gwen smiled. He ignored the conversation between Gwen and Lance and watched Merlin, who was now walking towards Morgana and Vivian.
“Team!” Lionel called out, interrupting everyone’s conversations. “Time to get back on the field.”
Arthur and Lance smiled apologetically to Gwen and jogged back onto the field. Arthur felt a pang of guilt for not having said anything to Merlin but then again, Merlin hadn’t approached him either. The thought wasn’t a comforting one.
****
Merlin sat on the grass with Gwen as the game continued. Morgana had left with Vivian to go shopping at Harrods, promising to meet up with everyone later once she had gotten rid of Vivian. Merlin had taken a dislike to the girl after she’d told him he needed to walk a short distance behind them so that people wouldn’t think they were together.
“Merlin,” Gwen said gently, interrupting Merlin’s thoughts. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he lied, a falsely bright smile on his lips as he turned to look at her. “I don’t really fancy football, is all.”
She sighed. “I don’t particularly like football either but you’re not even watching. Did you want to leave? I could tell Rekha to tell Lance and Arthur that we’ll meet up with them later. We could go get that ice cream we talked about.”
Merlin smiled at her for real this time. “That’s okay.”
“What is it?” she asked again, obviously concerned. “Is it Arthur? Did he do something?”
“It’s not Arthur,” Merlin replied, turning to look at where Arthur was running forward to help Lionel protect their goal.
“He likes you,” Gwen said simply. She giggled when he whipped his head around to stare at her. “It’s obvious to anyone who knows him.” She paused and then said a little nervously, “You don’t have to tell me but do you like him back? He can be difficult but he’s really not so bad under all of that and I told you before, I liked him once…you could…well, you’re more his type and I just…”
Merlin shook his head and squeezed her hand to get her to stop her rambling. “It’s not that.” When Gwen didn’t press him he added, “I do like him.”
Gwen squealed and clamped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly.
Merlin smiled. “It’s fine.” He sighed. “It’s just not that easy.”
“What do you mean? You like him and he likes you back. Merlin, he likes you a lot!” Gwen looked pleased but hesitant as well. She could tell there was more that Merlin wasn’t saying but didn’t want to push him too hard if he was unwilling to talk about it.
“Yeah,” Merlin said angrily, “but for how long? We’re both going to uni in a year. He’s not going to keep me around when he’s at uni. It’ll be easy while he’s at Eton. No one will see us together; no one will be able to say anything. But when he’s at Oxford? He’s not going to want anyone to know he’s a poof or dating a weird looking twink whose family can barely pay the bills.”
“Merlin!” Gwen said, clearly shocked.
“What?” he asked dejectedly. “It’s true, Gwen.”
“For one, you’re not weird looking,” Gwen told him gently, making Merlin scoff and turn away. “No, listen to me.” When Merlin looked back at her raising an eyebrow, she continued, “I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit. He likes you and it takes a lot for Arthur to like someone like that.”
Merlin shrugged. “I doesn’t matter. He’ll figure himself out when he’s at Oxford and he’ll forget me.”
“You know Arthur’s pretty sure he’s gay, yeah?” Gwen asked, more amused than anything. “He knows it’s not a phase. I was there when he told Mister Pendragon. Morgana told me to stay in her room but she and Arthur went out there and she yelled at him until he finally told Arthur that as long as he didn’t get HIV or start wearing rainbow flags, then it was fine.”
Merlin laughed despite himself at the image of Arthur in a rainbow t-shirt. He had a feeling Arthur wouldn’t be caught dead in one. “His father doesn’t care?”
“Oh he cares,” Gwen replied. “Maybe not for the reasons you think he does but he cares. He worries about Arthur and Morgana. Morgana thinks that Uther’s an old bigot but I don’t think it’s homophobia. I think he’s just worried and doesn’t know how to handle it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Have you told your family yet?” Gwen asked, getting the answer when Merlin looked away. “Maybe you should tell them and you might understand a bit better.” She reached out and took Merlin’s hand, squeezing once before just holding on to it. “You won’t be in trouble, will you?”
Merlin shook his head. “My mate Will reckons my mum and uncle already know.” He sighed. “I’m not really worried about them. I just…I don’t want to have to say anything.”
“It’s everyone else?” Gwen asked knowingly. When Merlin didn’t respond she said, “You shouldn’t think about them. They don’t matter. People are always going to talk nonsense, they aren’t worth it.”
“I know,” he replied quietly, thinking back to the Tanzanian girl Geoffrey had told him about and the khanga hanging on Geoffrey’s wall.
“You give them power over you by worrying about what they think,” Gwen said sternly. “You don’t have to tell everyone but you should tell your family.” She looked up at the game to see Arthur and the rest of the team tackling Lance into a hug for scoring. She smiled briefly and yelled encouragement before turning back to Merlin. “No one who cares about you is going to hurt you or hate you.”
“There’s no one left who can hurt me,” Merlin muttered.
Gwen frowned. “What do you mean?” When Merlin didn’t answer her she pushed him with her shoulder. “Merlin.” She squeezed his hand again. “What happened?”
He looked at Gwen, taking in the worried and concerned expression in her brown eyes. She was a good friend, he thought. She would keep his secret if he told her and never tell anyone else. He couldn’t tell her though, it didn’t feel right, and he shook his head.
Gwen nodded. “Whatever it was, you should tell someone. Maybe tell Arthur.”
“He’ll get angry,” Merlin replied. “I’ve already seen him lose his temper with Morgana; I don’t particularly want to be on the other end of it.”
Gwen snickered. “Well, at least think about it. I doubt you could tell him anything that would make him get too angry with you.” She shrugged. “Just remember what I told you before: if someone really cares, they won’t hurt you or hate you for who you are.”
Merlin sighed and turned back to watch Arthur play. “I hope so.”
Continue to Chapter 9 Part 2