the moon and the raining clouds
I'm starting to feel kind of restless with my life. It's strange, but I don't enjoy some of the things I used to. I'm kind of tired of going to chimes and choir practice every other week, and I don't enjoy church college group as much as I once did. I'm not really sure why. I don't think those things have changed much, which makes me feel bad because I have to admit the problem is mine. But again, I can't explain what the problem is exactly. Come to think of it, I just don't enjoy church in general as much as I used to. That sounds terrible, but I just feel like I'm not focusing as much--like I can't concentrate as well as I used to be able to. And classes... I find the subject matter somewhat interesting, but I used to enjoy actually being in class more than I do now.
It's this feeling of restlessness that seems to be pervading these aspects of my life. And it's discouraging... Last night Frank and Mom were talking about school, and I was thinking about how Frank is SO FAR AHEAD of the game, because he's had his vision and focus and energy since before high school, and he's followed a plan of action to get where he is, and is still continuing to follow that plan toward an actual goal that he has. And meanwhile, I'm almost three years older, and I feel so disadvantaged. Because even though I'm intelligent and have rich parents, I've had almost no vision, focus, or mental energy through high school as well as the two (nearing three) years following.
And I'm wondering WHEN I'm going to wake up and get this magical revelation about how best to direct the resources I DO have! I feel like have no assurance of ANYTHING between now and the consummated kingdom. And it's demoralizing when my friends are making all these big plans, and actually HAVING THE ENERGY to pursue them! The other day, I was visualizing this sorry little episode in which Frank was in Bourbonnais, Megan in Elgin, Brian in Atlanta, and Rebekah doing who-knows-what at the ends of the earth. And then in my vision I turned to Mark and said, "Well, I guess it's just us... Wanna, like, play video games?"
Mom's been urging me to apply for this pr/communications internship at the college. I looked at the job description, but it daunted me straight away upon reading it. I don't feel like I have the mental energy to do well at something like that, even if I might have the skills. So, yesterday afternoon/evening Mom and I went and had dinner at the Promenade (*takes a moment of happiness thinking about that wonderful place*), and I said to her something along the lines of, "Think I could get a job as a waitress?"
"Why do you say that?" she asked.
"Cuz it's probably the only job I could get," I answered rather dejectedly.
And then she said I could do better than that, and why would I want to be a waitress for 20 years when I could get started with something better right now while I was young and fresh and upcoming. Have I mentioned that both of my parents look down on food service? I wonder if they realize that a majority of my friends work/have worked in food service, and they're good-quality people. At least they're DOING SOMETHING instead of slobbing around like loser Rachel. But... Food service is no picnic, according to my friends who do/have done it--it seems like food service workers are continually mistreated by both customers and authorities. Not something I can get too excited about.
Okay, well... Everyone's probably sick of reading the gloomfest, so let's get on to other sundries. I bought a new skirt and purse-bag today from Flying High Foot Path trading company! They come to the college every year in February, and I really like their fair trade bags and clothing. The bag is roomy, but not too huge, and it's got some personality, too. It's nice to have an accessory that packs a bit of personality, especially since my overall style is relatively average. The skirt is an actual CASUAL cotton summer skirt (as opposed to those dressy, flowery, synthetic things--*smirk*--that look good on Easter Sunday, but are rather impractical for very warm days outside) that can be worn without dressing up the top or shoes! Now THAT is an item of clothing I've been needing for a while. And it's fair trade, too! And pink! ^_^
So, instead of having our usual InterVarsity large group meeting today, we're having an "Open Mic Night" at 7 pm. I don't have anything planned to share at this point. We'll see. Good old InterVarsity--I love it so much. Then tomorrow, Aimee and Leslie are hosting a Mary Kay party, which should be fun. And on Saturday, Frank and I are going to see Aaron B in "Godspell" (which is is our school theatre's spring musical).
AND, I want to go ice skating again on March 6th, assuming nothing else is going on.
It's this feeling of restlessness that seems to be pervading these aspects of my life. And it's discouraging... Last night Frank and Mom were talking about school, and I was thinking about how Frank is SO FAR AHEAD of the game, because he's had his vision and focus and energy since before high school, and he's followed a plan of action to get where he is, and is still continuing to follow that plan toward an actual goal that he has. And meanwhile, I'm almost three years older, and I feel so disadvantaged. Because even though I'm intelligent and have rich parents, I've had almost no vision, focus, or mental energy through high school as well as the two (nearing three) years following.
And I'm wondering WHEN I'm going to wake up and get this magical revelation about how best to direct the resources I DO have! I feel like have no assurance of ANYTHING between now and the consummated kingdom. And it's demoralizing when my friends are making all these big plans, and actually HAVING THE ENERGY to pursue them! The other day, I was visualizing this sorry little episode in which Frank was in Bourbonnais, Megan in Elgin, Brian in Atlanta, and Rebekah doing who-knows-what at the ends of the earth. And then in my vision I turned to Mark and said, "Well, I guess it's just us... Wanna, like, play video games?"
Mom's been urging me to apply for this pr/communications internship at the college. I looked at the job description, but it daunted me straight away upon reading it. I don't feel like I have the mental energy to do well at something like that, even if I might have the skills. So, yesterday afternoon/evening Mom and I went and had dinner at the Promenade (*takes a moment of happiness thinking about that wonderful place*), and I said to her something along the lines of, "Think I could get a job as a waitress?"
"Why do you say that?" she asked.
"Cuz it's probably the only job I could get," I answered rather dejectedly.
And then she said I could do better than that, and why would I want to be a waitress for 20 years when I could get started with something better right now while I was young and fresh and upcoming. Have I mentioned that both of my parents look down on food service? I wonder if they realize that a majority of my friends work/have worked in food service, and they're good-quality people. At least they're DOING SOMETHING instead of slobbing around like loser Rachel. But... Food service is no picnic, according to my friends who do/have done it--it seems like food service workers are continually mistreated by both customers and authorities. Not something I can get too excited about.
Okay, well... Everyone's probably sick of reading the gloomfest, so let's get on to other sundries. I bought a new skirt and purse-bag today from Flying High Foot Path trading company! They come to the college every year in February, and I really like their fair trade bags and clothing. The bag is roomy, but not too huge, and it's got some personality, too. It's nice to have an accessory that packs a bit of personality, especially since my overall style is relatively average. The skirt is an actual CASUAL cotton summer skirt (as opposed to those dressy, flowery, synthetic things--*smirk*--that look good on Easter Sunday, but are rather impractical for very warm days outside) that can be worn without dressing up the top or shoes! Now THAT is an item of clothing I've been needing for a while. And it's fair trade, too! And pink! ^_^
So, instead of having our usual InterVarsity large group meeting today, we're having an "Open Mic Night" at 7 pm. I don't have anything planned to share at this point. We'll see. Good old InterVarsity--I love it so much. Then tomorrow, Aimee and Leslie are hosting a Mary Kay party, which should be fun. And on Saturday, Frank and I are going to see Aaron B in "Godspell" (which is is our school theatre's spring musical).
AND, I want to go ice skating again on March 6th, assuming nothing else is going on.