Pieces of Me Falling, ch13/19
This part is for Tensai, of Spoiler Slayer fame. The sight is now officially closed, but I am among the many who enjoyed it for years. Thanks for all the hard work!
Warning: This has only been roughly beta'd.
Update: I have written through chapter 15 and outlined the rest. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I will be able to write during classes!
And again, whoever nominated this for the Bodice Ripper Awards, THANK YOU!
Title: Pieces of Me Falling
Author: KellyB
Rating: back to PG-13 for now...
Pairing: B/G, some B/R. Other couples: X/A, W/T, Joyce/OC
Timeline: Post Season Four.
Disclaimer: Joss/Fox/ME own it; According to Joss, all the best fans write fanfic.
SUMMARY: A long summer for Giles. A realization for Buffy. A series of threats they cannot control.
FEEDBACK: I have actually developed a plot. It’s practically a fanfic first for me. Your constructive and specific criticism is coveted and valued! - kmc_burton AT yahoo DOT com
Distribution: My site: atticspace.kelshouse.com, my livejournal: kaymickbee.livejournal.com. Various & sundry other places when it's finished.
A/N: Thanks to Taryn & Random for beta.
Title inspired by the Sara Evans song, “Tonight.”
This is a WIP, complete with lots of angsty lead-in before the payoff(s).
~.~ Chapter 13~.~
“Buffy! God, we’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Xander? What are you guys doing here? How did you know?”
Xander and Anya looked at her questioningly. “We didn’t,” he said. “What’s going on?”
“Riley’s here. The airline called my mom’s house…”
“Oh how strange,” Anya said, as Xander asked, “What’s wrong?”
“His heart again, and…” Buffy paused as she noticed the mascara tracks on Anya’s face. “The Initiative doctor is on his way. Anya, what is it?” But she knew.
Xander, one hand clenching Anya’s, put the other on Buffy’s shoulder. “We had to bring Giles here.”
“Another headache? One of those bad ones?”
“No… um, a seizure we think.”
“What? But, I mean, from scar tissue? That doesn’t sound right.”
“Buffy, let’s sit down.”
“Xander, *just* tell me.”
“Please.” He pleaded with his eyes. “Please sit down with me.”
They walked a few feet to a row of chairs near the nurses’ station. Xander whispered something to Anya, who managed to walk wordlessly away.
He then proceeded to tell Buffy everything: the second diagnosis Giles had received, the confirmation, the drug trial, and what happened in the parking lot that evening.
He didn’t mention Giles confiding his feelings for Buffy, or the tears free-falling off her chin. She brushed away his hand when he tried to wipe them away.
“Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t *you*?”
“You know Giles. He… didn’t want anyone to fuss.”
“Fuss?” she spat. “It’s not like we missed his birthday. This is… I don’t even know. Do you? I mean, is it cancer?”
Xander shook his head. “Don’t think so. Just a… growth, that’s causing too much pressure. That’s why the headaches and the dizziness…”
“And tonight.”
“Yeah.”
“Where is he now? And how is he?”
Xander exhaled deeply. “He should be in his room by now. And not so good.”
“Xander…!”
“He sort of came to right before the ambulance got there.”
“And…?”
He stared off at an image he couldn’t forget. “He didn’t really… he wasn’t coherent. They said his blood pressure was low. He was just… pretty out of it. Hurting bad, I think.”
Buffy softened as she saw her friend’s pale face, and leaned over against his shoulder. “What happens now? Is he going to be alright?”
Xander rested his head against hers. “Gotta meet with the doctor in about twenty more minutes. He’s probably going to need surgery to get it out, but if he hasn’t… if he can’t talk, I… I have to give permission...”
Her head snapped up straight. “What? Why you?”
Xander cleared his throat. “When all this started, he had to name someone as a local…” He tried to avoid Buffy’s dartlike stare. “… next of kin. Part of that means someone to make decisions about his health if he’s… if he can’t.”
“I understand that.” She nodded slowly. “Why you?”
“Because, Buffy. Does it matter?”
“Yes, it does, Xander. I don’t understand this. I don’t understand why I didn’t know about it! I don’t-“
Xander’s resolve was lost. “Hey Buffy? Look, I know you and Giles got pretty tight the last few weeks, but you can’t just forget that you weren’t around the whole rest of the summer, or most of last year. *I* was. I was there when he needed someone to convince him to go to the doctor, to drive him, to listen to him…”
“Xander, stop!”
“No! You’re going to listen to me this time.” He stood up and ignored the nurse looking at him as he raised his voice. “Giles is just like anyone else. He has weaknesses. He needs friends who can be there for him. He needs… help sometimes. You can’t just dust him off when you get bored with Riley or-“
“I don’t have to hear this.” Buffy started stomping in the other direction.
“Don’t you even want to know where he is?” he called after her.
She stopped, but didn’t turn around.
Xander walked to her, and said more calmly. “I don’t want to fight with you. He needs us.”
She nodded, swiping at her wet face.
“I’m sorry I yelled.”
She exhaled harshly. “I’m sorry I… have no fucking clue, apparently.”
Buffy’s typical effect on Xander engaged. He hung his head and put his hands on her shoulders, steady until she finally turned and hugged him fiercely.
“He’s going to be alright,” Xander told her. “He has to be.”
“Not with our luck,” she said.
He pulled away to look at her. “Buff, let’s go see what his doctor has to say, okay? Then we can panic.”
~.~
Willow detangled herself from Tara’s arms as Xander walked from Giles’ room a few hours later.
“He’s awake,” he said, averting everyone’s eyes.
“Xander, you’re crying,” Anya said, rushing to him.
“Thanks An.” He accepted her hug, rolling his eyes at Willow, and Tara, waiting on the sofa. “Where’s Buffy?”
“She went to check on Riley,” Tara answered. “She sh-should be back any minute.”
“We were just discussing that they’re probably going to move him to a military hospital,” Anya said. “Won’t Buffy need to go with him?”
Willow met Tara’s eyes before answering. “I don’t think it’s that simple. Buffy will want to-“
“What will I want?” came a voice.
“Hey Buffy,” Xander said. “Um, Giles is up. They’re going to have to bring him to the OR soon, but he… he asked for you.”
“O-ok.”
Willow reached to her and took one quivering hand in hers. “How’s Riley?”
“Right now, fine.” She looked at them one by one. “Graham says they have to take him to their hospital, and they have to do it soon, so… I got a phone number from him so I can meet them later, if they’ll let me in.”
“You’re not going?” Anya asked.
Buffy shook her head slowly. “Not now. I…”
“It’s okay.” Willow rubbed Buffy’s back. “We understand. You don’t have to explain.”
Her eyes widened. “Riley doesn’t even know if they’re going to give me clearance. I just can’t…”
“Don’t worry,” Tara said. “You should go in to Giles. He’ll be happy to see you.”
“Yeah.” Her eyes locked on Xander’s. “How is he?”
He looked soberly back at her. “I never thought I’d see it, but, I think he’s scared.”
Buffy didn’t say another word, just took off like a bandit toward her Watcher’s room.
~.~
When she reached the doorway, Buffy stopped cold. She had just seen Riley, who had almost always been strong and solid, wheeled away on a gurney to go some place she couldn’t even follow. She had felt sick to her stomach when she kissed him goodbye, a sense of betrayal removed from her since the day her friends had found out Angel came back to her. Now, as her heartbeat accelerated, she wondered whom she was betraying.
As quietly as possible, she opened the door and tried to breath normally as she took in the view. Giles was pale, eyes closed, thinner than he had been just three days ago, frail.
She would try the sarcastic route, so she could somehow hold herself together. “You sure go to great lengths to avoid a second date.”
Giles opened his eyes part way and smiled weakly at her. “Buffy.”
“The one and only, thank God,” she chided. “Hi.”
“I’m sorry,” he said immediately. “I didn’t want you to-“
“Please don’t.” She moved from her spot at the threshold and stood over him, wanting to touch him, but afraid. “I’m mad at you, for not telling me. But we don’t have time for that now. Sounds like we have a surgery to get through.”
He closed his eyes, and she could see pain on his face. “Can I help?” she asked. “Is it bad?”
“I can’t feel a thing right now.” He held up a small contraption with a wire on one end and a button on the other. “Limitless morphine.”
“Guess it *was* bad, then. God, Giles.” She finally sat down in the chair next to him, still trying to ignore how feeble he looked, lying there in his teal hospital gown with things hanging out of his arms. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I didn’t know. I should have…”
“Buffy, please.” And then she got it. _She_ was the hurt he was feeling right then. The conflict. “Xander told me Riley is here, and Graham is securing a proper doctor for him.”
“Yes, but-“
“You should be with him.”
“I will be, when I need to be. I’m with you right now.”
“Buffy.” He struggled to sit up and look at her fully. “I know this isn’t easy for you, but the fact remains, you can’t be in two places at once.”
“Giles, you can’t make me leave you right now. Please don’t try, okay?”
He looked at her and chuckled softly. “I suppose you’ll deck me right and proper if I argue, then.”
She tried to laugh back. “Stranger things have happened.”
“Buffy, Saturday was, that is, um-“
She almost reached his arm, but stopped herself. “We probably shouldn’t talk about that now.”
“Shouldn’t we?” he asked, eyeing her hand, suspended on its way to him.
“It was… it was…”
“The most magnificent night I’ve had,” he finished somberly.
Buffy shook her head, tears starting to spill again, and no words coming that seemed right.
“You don’t have to be afraid to touch me,” he said. “I won’t break.”
Determined not to succumb to sobs, she leaned over and carefully rested against his chest. He lifted his hand to her pet her hair as she *didn’t* cry. He felt the small tremors in her body as she held back.
“You must stop shaking,” he tried. “Or they’re going to put me in solitary lockdown.”
She faked a giggle. “Are… Giles, are you nervous?”
He didn’t answer.
“I was with Xander. The doctor told him you might lose… some abilities. Maybe your vision. And… I’m really scared.”
“Since you are the Slayer and able to admit this,” he managed, “I suppose it’s okay if your Watcher feels a tiny bit of fear as well.”
Buffy tightened her arms around his waist as best she could. “We’re all here. And we’ll be here when you’re done.”
“You’re all going to bloody well get thrown out of school.”
“Not Xander and Anya,” she quipped. Then she sat up, holding onto his hand and staring at him resolutely. “We’ll be here when it’s over. And so will you.”
A nurse appeared in the doorway. “Excuse me. We need to get Rupert ready for surgery now.”
“Just one second,” Buffy said. She squeezed his hand more tightly. “Don’t leave me. Got it?”
He nodded, grateful that she ignored his misty eyes. “See you soon,” he muttered.
Standing, Buffy leaned over and gently kissed the side of his neck. She let her mouth linger at his ear and whispered, “I love you too.” With a last glance, she left him.
Warning: This has only been roughly beta'd.
Update: I have written through chapter 15 and outlined the rest. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I will be able to write during classes!
And again, whoever nominated this for the Bodice Ripper Awards, THANK YOU!
Title: Pieces of Me Falling
Author: KellyB
Rating: back to PG-13 for now...
Pairing: B/G, some B/R. Other couples: X/A, W/T, Joyce/OC
Timeline: Post Season Four.
Disclaimer: Joss/Fox/ME own it; According to Joss, all the best fans write fanfic.
SUMMARY: A long summer for Giles. A realization for Buffy. A series of threats they cannot control.
FEEDBACK: I have actually developed a plot. It’s practically a fanfic first for me. Your constructive and specific criticism is coveted and valued! - kmc_burton AT yahoo DOT com
Distribution: My site: atticspace.kelshouse.com, my livejournal: kaymickbee.livejournal.com. Various & sundry other places when it's finished.
A/N: Thanks to Taryn & Random for beta.
Title inspired by the Sara Evans song, “Tonight.”
This is a WIP, complete with lots of angsty lead-in before the payoff(s).
~.~ Chapter 13~.~
“Buffy! God, we’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Xander? What are you guys doing here? How did you know?”
Xander and Anya looked at her questioningly. “We didn’t,” he said. “What’s going on?”
“Riley’s here. The airline called my mom’s house…”
“Oh how strange,” Anya said, as Xander asked, “What’s wrong?”
“His heart again, and…” Buffy paused as she noticed the mascara tracks on Anya’s face. “The Initiative doctor is on his way. Anya, what is it?” But she knew.
Xander, one hand clenching Anya’s, put the other on Buffy’s shoulder. “We had to bring Giles here.”
“Another headache? One of those bad ones?”
“No… um, a seizure we think.”
“What? But, I mean, from scar tissue? That doesn’t sound right.”
“Buffy, let’s sit down.”
“Xander, *just* tell me.”
“Please.” He pleaded with his eyes. “Please sit down with me.”
They walked a few feet to a row of chairs near the nurses’ station. Xander whispered something to Anya, who managed to walk wordlessly away.
He then proceeded to tell Buffy everything: the second diagnosis Giles had received, the confirmation, the drug trial, and what happened in the parking lot that evening.
He didn’t mention Giles confiding his feelings for Buffy, or the tears free-falling off her chin. She brushed away his hand when he tried to wipe them away.
“Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t *you*?”
“You know Giles. He… didn’t want anyone to fuss.”
“Fuss?” she spat. “It’s not like we missed his birthday. This is… I don’t even know. Do you? I mean, is it cancer?”
Xander shook his head. “Don’t think so. Just a… growth, that’s causing too much pressure. That’s why the headaches and the dizziness…”
“And tonight.”
“Yeah.”
“Where is he now? And how is he?”
Xander exhaled deeply. “He should be in his room by now. And not so good.”
“Xander…!”
“He sort of came to right before the ambulance got there.”
“And…?”
He stared off at an image he couldn’t forget. “He didn’t really… he wasn’t coherent. They said his blood pressure was low. He was just… pretty out of it. Hurting bad, I think.”
Buffy softened as she saw her friend’s pale face, and leaned over against his shoulder. “What happens now? Is he going to be alright?”
Xander rested his head against hers. “Gotta meet with the doctor in about twenty more minutes. He’s probably going to need surgery to get it out, but if he hasn’t… if he can’t talk, I… I have to give permission...”
Her head snapped up straight. “What? Why you?”
Xander cleared his throat. “When all this started, he had to name someone as a local…” He tried to avoid Buffy’s dartlike stare. “… next of kin. Part of that means someone to make decisions about his health if he’s… if he can’t.”
“I understand that.” She nodded slowly. “Why you?”
“Because, Buffy. Does it matter?”
“Yes, it does, Xander. I don’t understand this. I don’t understand why I didn’t know about it! I don’t-“
Xander’s resolve was lost. “Hey Buffy? Look, I know you and Giles got pretty tight the last few weeks, but you can’t just forget that you weren’t around the whole rest of the summer, or most of last year. *I* was. I was there when he needed someone to convince him to go to the doctor, to drive him, to listen to him…”
“Xander, stop!”
“No! You’re going to listen to me this time.” He stood up and ignored the nurse looking at him as he raised his voice. “Giles is just like anyone else. He has weaknesses. He needs friends who can be there for him. He needs… help sometimes. You can’t just dust him off when you get bored with Riley or-“
“I don’t have to hear this.” Buffy started stomping in the other direction.
“Don’t you even want to know where he is?” he called after her.
She stopped, but didn’t turn around.
Xander walked to her, and said more calmly. “I don’t want to fight with you. He needs us.”
She nodded, swiping at her wet face.
“I’m sorry I yelled.”
She exhaled harshly. “I’m sorry I… have no fucking clue, apparently.”
Buffy’s typical effect on Xander engaged. He hung his head and put his hands on her shoulders, steady until she finally turned and hugged him fiercely.
“He’s going to be alright,” Xander told her. “He has to be.”
“Not with our luck,” she said.
He pulled away to look at her. “Buff, let’s go see what his doctor has to say, okay? Then we can panic.”
~.~
Willow detangled herself from Tara’s arms as Xander walked from Giles’ room a few hours later.
“He’s awake,” he said, averting everyone’s eyes.
“Xander, you’re crying,” Anya said, rushing to him.
“Thanks An.” He accepted her hug, rolling his eyes at Willow, and Tara, waiting on the sofa. “Where’s Buffy?”
“She went to check on Riley,” Tara answered. “She sh-should be back any minute.”
“We were just discussing that they’re probably going to move him to a military hospital,” Anya said. “Won’t Buffy need to go with him?”
Willow met Tara’s eyes before answering. “I don’t think it’s that simple. Buffy will want to-“
“What will I want?” came a voice.
“Hey Buffy,” Xander said. “Um, Giles is up. They’re going to have to bring him to the OR soon, but he… he asked for you.”
“O-ok.”
Willow reached to her and took one quivering hand in hers. “How’s Riley?”
“Right now, fine.” She looked at them one by one. “Graham says they have to take him to their hospital, and they have to do it soon, so… I got a phone number from him so I can meet them later, if they’ll let me in.”
“You’re not going?” Anya asked.
Buffy shook her head slowly. “Not now. I…”
“It’s okay.” Willow rubbed Buffy’s back. “We understand. You don’t have to explain.”
Her eyes widened. “Riley doesn’t even know if they’re going to give me clearance. I just can’t…”
“Don’t worry,” Tara said. “You should go in to Giles. He’ll be happy to see you.”
“Yeah.” Her eyes locked on Xander’s. “How is he?”
He looked soberly back at her. “I never thought I’d see it, but, I think he’s scared.”
Buffy didn’t say another word, just took off like a bandit toward her Watcher’s room.
~.~
When she reached the doorway, Buffy stopped cold. She had just seen Riley, who had almost always been strong and solid, wheeled away on a gurney to go some place she couldn’t even follow. She had felt sick to her stomach when she kissed him goodbye, a sense of betrayal removed from her since the day her friends had found out Angel came back to her. Now, as her heartbeat accelerated, she wondered whom she was betraying.
As quietly as possible, she opened the door and tried to breath normally as she took in the view. Giles was pale, eyes closed, thinner than he had been just three days ago, frail.
She would try the sarcastic route, so she could somehow hold herself together. “You sure go to great lengths to avoid a second date.”
Giles opened his eyes part way and smiled weakly at her. “Buffy.”
“The one and only, thank God,” she chided. “Hi.”
“I’m sorry,” he said immediately. “I didn’t want you to-“
“Please don’t.” She moved from her spot at the threshold and stood over him, wanting to touch him, but afraid. “I’m mad at you, for not telling me. But we don’t have time for that now. Sounds like we have a surgery to get through.”
He closed his eyes, and she could see pain on his face. “Can I help?” she asked. “Is it bad?”
“I can’t feel a thing right now.” He held up a small contraption with a wire on one end and a button on the other. “Limitless morphine.”
“Guess it *was* bad, then. God, Giles.” She finally sat down in the chair next to him, still trying to ignore how feeble he looked, lying there in his teal hospital gown with things hanging out of his arms. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I didn’t know. I should have…”
“Buffy, please.” And then she got it. _She_ was the hurt he was feeling right then. The conflict. “Xander told me Riley is here, and Graham is securing a proper doctor for him.”
“Yes, but-“
“You should be with him.”
“I will be, when I need to be. I’m with you right now.”
“Buffy.” He struggled to sit up and look at her fully. “I know this isn’t easy for you, but the fact remains, you can’t be in two places at once.”
“Giles, you can’t make me leave you right now. Please don’t try, okay?”
He looked at her and chuckled softly. “I suppose you’ll deck me right and proper if I argue, then.”
She tried to laugh back. “Stranger things have happened.”
“Buffy, Saturday was, that is, um-“
She almost reached his arm, but stopped herself. “We probably shouldn’t talk about that now.”
“Shouldn’t we?” he asked, eyeing her hand, suspended on its way to him.
“It was… it was…”
“The most magnificent night I’ve had,” he finished somberly.
Buffy shook her head, tears starting to spill again, and no words coming that seemed right.
“You don’t have to be afraid to touch me,” he said. “I won’t break.”
Determined not to succumb to sobs, she leaned over and carefully rested against his chest. He lifted his hand to her pet her hair as she *didn’t* cry. He felt the small tremors in her body as she held back.
“You must stop shaking,” he tried. “Or they’re going to put me in solitary lockdown.”
She faked a giggle. “Are… Giles, are you nervous?”
He didn’t answer.
“I was with Xander. The doctor told him you might lose… some abilities. Maybe your vision. And… I’m really scared.”
“Since you are the Slayer and able to admit this,” he managed, “I suppose it’s okay if your Watcher feels a tiny bit of fear as well.”
Buffy tightened her arms around his waist as best she could. “We’re all here. And we’ll be here when you’re done.”
“You’re all going to bloody well get thrown out of school.”
“Not Xander and Anya,” she quipped. Then she sat up, holding onto his hand and staring at him resolutely. “We’ll be here when it’s over. And so will you.”
A nurse appeared in the doorway. “Excuse me. We need to get Rupert ready for surgery now.”
“Just one second,” Buffy said. She squeezed his hand more tightly. “Don’t leave me. Got it?”
He nodded, grateful that she ignored his misty eyes. “See you soon,” he muttered.
Standing, Buffy leaned over and gently kissed the side of his neck. She let her mouth linger at his ear and whispered, “I love you too.” With a last glance, she left him.