On perversity and fitting in
On Perversity and Fitting In: Thoughts on Fandom
Is it ever frustrating to you that other people don't like the things you like? Or, rather, that you don't like the things that other people like?
I consider myself a fan. I consider myself a pretty dedicated fan. I've written fanfic, I've made art and videos, I've sewn costumes, I've gone to midnight showings, I've gone to cons, I've painted myself silver. I love sci-fi and fantasy books and movies and television, which are traditionally seen as the "staples" of fandom. And yet I can't contribute to or participate in most fan discourse online-- in places like fanthropology or metafandom. I don't read the majority of the fanfic that pops up on my friendslist. Because the things I'm fannish about are not the things other people love.
I'm not a Harry Potter fan. Not even a Lord of the Rings fan. Can't bring myself to watch Dr. Who. Find Smallville laughably bad (although I do watch it). Find Law and Order:SVU extremely compelling, but not in a fannish way. Like House but not in a fannish way. Have never seen Supernatural. Can't bring myself to watch Buffy or Angel. Don't watch Grey's Anatomy or Lost. Missed Stargate SG1 when it premiered on Showtime and I didn't get that channel, and then didn't have time to catch up on several seasons of backstory when it moved to Sci-fi. Missed Heroes while I tried to graduate from college. RealPersonFic squicks me out. Anime distracts me to the point of being unwatchable. Etc, etc, etc.
This is not to say these things are not likable or to pass judgment on them (except maybe Smallville, I guess I was passing judgment there {g}, but even then it's only my personal opinion and your mileage may vary.)
Instead I focus my fannish activities on properties with very small fandoms. I spent three or four years of my life in love with Lois and Clark because I found the relationship between the title characters compelling and real, even when everything around them was ridiculous and stupid. The average quality of fanfic in that fandom is unusually high. And it's the most organized fandom I know. But it's pretty small; the show's been off the air for 10 years now. My favorite current TV show is Boston Legal, because it cracks me up and makes me think at the same time. I love Alan Shore. But it's a coutroom drama/comedy, so it doesn't attract fans the way a sci-fi series would. And frankly I'm afraid to look for fic, because the slash angle does nothing for me. I spent six months writing Aida fanfic when I knew it had absolutely no audience, because I just had to write it. And I will adore Gargoyles until the day I die, but I don't really have close friends in that fandom, either. The fandom itself is probably only a couple hundred people anyway; the "active" fandom is probably only 10 or 20 percent of that. The only exception to the rule is Star Wars, which has a large fandom but seems to have fallen out of favor since the prequels. And it's such a large fandom that it's fractured all over the place. There are prequel fans and OT fans and NJO fans and A/P fans and H/L fans and L/M fans and J/J fans and... And none of them are as widespread or outspoken as, say, Harry Potter fans. Really I think I just missed the high point of SW fandom; it's a bit old hat now and fans have moved on to other things. Even when I like things that are popular, like Firefly, I don't start to like them until after the wave of fandom has passed.
Now, maybe it's just that I fall in love with properties that aren't very good and thus aren't very popular ;). There may be some truth to that. After all, Lois and Clark was pretty ridiculous a lot of the time. I've always known I like the show as it appears in fanfic better than I liked the show as it appears on television. And Aida spoke to me on a level I didn't understand-- moved me in some way-- but objectively I realized it was not a particularly good musical. But I don't think that's true of all my fandoms. This post isn't supposed to be "My show is so good and no one watches it, what's wrong with you people?" (or even, "My show is so good and no one watches it, isn't that sad? Don't you feel sorry for me?") so I'm not going to go into that. But I don't think my taste is quite that flawed {g}.
So maybe there's another explanation-- maybe I dislike popular things because they're popular. I'm perverse that way. It sometimes seems like every boyfriend I've ever had has wanted me to read Ender's Game. One in particular was rather vocal; it was his favorite book. He really wanted me to read it, to the point of mentioning it all the time. If I was a good girlfriend, I'd have read it just because he loved it so much, even if I had no particular desire to do so. But I've never been a particularly good girlfriend ;). And the more he brought it up, the more he pushed it at me, the less inclined I was to read it. Ever.
A year ago (or maybe two years ago?) a Big Name Fan in one of my fandoms fell in love with a New Fandom. Which was fine; people fall in love with new fandoms and leave old ones all the time. But shortly thereafter, this fan started converting other fans in the Old Fandom. Pretty soon everyone on my flist was writing New Fandom fic and raving about new characters and pairings and whatnot. Every time I saw a new person joining the discussion, a little part of me thought, "Et tu, Brute?"
It might not have helped that I was a little upset with the "go forth and make disciples" attitude to begin with. In the past, when writers in Old Fandom (including me) fell in love with New Fandoms, they were often harassed by other fans (including BNF) for not writing exclusively for Old Fandom anymore. Why was it suddenly okay to write something else, and to take everyone else along, when in the past it was a terrible thing to do?
In the meantime, New Fandom seemed to be the new darling of fans everywhere. And the more people who fell in love with it, the more determined I was not to get involved. Ever.
I'm just perverse that way. Is that a stupid reason not to do something? Probably. Does realizing that make me any more willing to do it? Not really.
So I'm left with a bunch of fandoms with very small memberships. Writing fic that very few people will read, and unable to join in fan discussions. Which would be fine if I were happy with that, but I'm not. My natural inclination is to want to be part of things. To participate in things. And call me crazy, but I like having an audience for my fanfic {g}. I'd like to be interested in things that are popular.
I'd like to fit in. I'd like to like things other people like. I just... don't like any of the current options.
Is it ever frustrating to you that other people don't like the things you like? Or, rather, that you don't like the things that other people like?
I consider myself a fan. I consider myself a pretty dedicated fan. I've written fanfic, I've made art and videos, I've sewn costumes, I've gone to midnight showings, I've gone to cons, I've painted myself silver. I love sci-fi and fantasy books and movies and television, which are traditionally seen as the "staples" of fandom. And yet I can't contribute to or participate in most fan discourse online-- in places like fanthropology or metafandom. I don't read the majority of the fanfic that pops up on my friendslist. Because the things I'm fannish about are not the things other people love.
I'm not a Harry Potter fan. Not even a Lord of the Rings fan. Can't bring myself to watch Dr. Who. Find Smallville laughably bad (although I do watch it). Find Law and Order:SVU extremely compelling, but not in a fannish way. Like House but not in a fannish way. Have never seen Supernatural. Can't bring myself to watch Buffy or Angel. Don't watch Grey's Anatomy or Lost. Missed Stargate SG1 when it premiered on Showtime and I didn't get that channel, and then didn't have time to catch up on several seasons of backstory when it moved to Sci-fi. Missed Heroes while I tried to graduate from college. RealPersonFic squicks me out. Anime distracts me to the point of being unwatchable. Etc, etc, etc.
This is not to say these things are not likable or to pass judgment on them (except maybe Smallville, I guess I was passing judgment there {g}, but even then it's only my personal opinion and your mileage may vary.)
Instead I focus my fannish activities on properties with very small fandoms. I spent three or four years of my life in love with Lois and Clark because I found the relationship between the title characters compelling and real, even when everything around them was ridiculous and stupid. The average quality of fanfic in that fandom is unusually high. And it's the most organized fandom I know. But it's pretty small; the show's been off the air for 10 years now. My favorite current TV show is Boston Legal, because it cracks me up and makes me think at the same time. I love Alan Shore. But it's a coutroom drama/comedy, so it doesn't attract fans the way a sci-fi series would. And frankly I'm afraid to look for fic, because the slash angle does nothing for me. I spent six months writing Aida fanfic when I knew it had absolutely no audience, because I just had to write it. And I will adore Gargoyles until the day I die, but I don't really have close friends in that fandom, either. The fandom itself is probably only a couple hundred people anyway; the "active" fandom is probably only 10 or 20 percent of that. The only exception to the rule is Star Wars, which has a large fandom but seems to have fallen out of favor since the prequels. And it's such a large fandom that it's fractured all over the place. There are prequel fans and OT fans and NJO fans and A/P fans and H/L fans and L/M fans and J/J fans and... And none of them are as widespread or outspoken as, say, Harry Potter fans. Really I think I just missed the high point of SW fandom; it's a bit old hat now and fans have moved on to other things. Even when I like things that are popular, like Firefly, I don't start to like them until after the wave of fandom has passed.
Now, maybe it's just that I fall in love with properties that aren't very good and thus aren't very popular ;). There may be some truth to that. After all, Lois and Clark was pretty ridiculous a lot of the time. I've always known I like the show as it appears in fanfic better than I liked the show as it appears on television. And Aida spoke to me on a level I didn't understand-- moved me in some way-- but objectively I realized it was not a particularly good musical. But I don't think that's true of all my fandoms. This post isn't supposed to be "My show is so good and no one watches it, what's wrong with you people?" (or even, "My show is so good and no one watches it, isn't that sad? Don't you feel sorry for me?") so I'm not going to go into that. But I don't think my taste is quite that flawed {g}.
So maybe there's another explanation-- maybe I dislike popular things because they're popular. I'm perverse that way. It sometimes seems like every boyfriend I've ever had has wanted me to read Ender's Game. One in particular was rather vocal; it was his favorite book. He really wanted me to read it, to the point of mentioning it all the time. If I was a good girlfriend, I'd have read it just because he loved it so much, even if I had no particular desire to do so. But I've never been a particularly good girlfriend ;). And the more he brought it up, the more he pushed it at me, the less inclined I was to read it. Ever.
A year ago (or maybe two years ago?) a Big Name Fan in one of my fandoms fell in love with a New Fandom. Which was fine; people fall in love with new fandoms and leave old ones all the time. But shortly thereafter, this fan started converting other fans in the Old Fandom. Pretty soon everyone on my flist was writing New Fandom fic and raving about new characters and pairings and whatnot. Every time I saw a new person joining the discussion, a little part of me thought, "Et tu, Brute?"
It might not have helped that I was a little upset with the "go forth and make disciples" attitude to begin with. In the past, when writers in Old Fandom (including me) fell in love with New Fandoms, they were often harassed by other fans (including BNF) for not writing exclusively for Old Fandom anymore. Why was it suddenly okay to write something else, and to take everyone else along, when in the past it was a terrible thing to do?
In the meantime, New Fandom seemed to be the new darling of fans everywhere. And the more people who fell in love with it, the more determined I was not to get involved. Ever.
I'm just perverse that way. Is that a stupid reason not to do something? Probably. Does realizing that make me any more willing to do it? Not really.
So I'm left with a bunch of fandoms with very small memberships. Writing fic that very few people will read, and unable to join in fan discussions. Which would be fine if I were happy with that, but I'm not. My natural inclination is to want to be part of things. To participate in things. And call me crazy, but I like having an audience for my fanfic {g}. I'd like to be interested in things that are popular.
I'd like to fit in. I'd like to like things other people like. I just... don't like any of the current options.