Comments | kayliemalinza: TW fic: The Applesauce Incident Is What Tipped Them Off, Really (G/PG, Gen)

kayliemalinza

TW fic: The Applesauce Incident Is What Tipped Them Off, Really (G/PG, Gen)

Aug 10, 2008 13:51

Title: The Applesauce Incident Is What Tipped Them Off, Really
Rating: G. PG for implied violence?
Word Count: 916 (510 added!)
Pairing: implied Jack/Ianto, but mostly gen
Inspiration: the phrase "an angry apple" in this fic. I'm also maybe poking a bit of fun at my personal characterization of Ianto.
Series: I guess with this and Crème Brûlèe ( Read more... )

tw: s1 or s2, doctor who, comment-fic, tw: s2, fic: pg, rant, tw: jack/ianto, tw: post s2, meta, tw: tosh/ianto, tw: team, fic, beta, i'm so on crack, fic: draft, torchwood

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NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! order_of_chaos August 11 2008, 02:07:17 UTC

Oh yes. *grins maniacally* Absolutely yes. ASFTWWC! (awesomesauce for the win with cinnamon)
AND IANTO IS EVIL! I have said this before, and I'll say it again. Evil. Such lack of remorse. Such smile. *beams*

Gwen slinking. And your description of Jack. *cackles*

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! kayliemalinza August 11 2008, 02:13:39 UTC

Wheeee, feedback from Chaos! AGAIN! You're spoiling me darl, you really are.

I'm just wondering-- I pretty much have to continue this, right? But how? Is Evil!Ianto the result of alien possession, magic mushrooms, or a mid-life crisis? What about bananas? Seriously. Bananas. Are they in league with the apples? Where do Ianto's brass knuckles fit in?

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! order_of_chaos August 11 2008, 05:08:12 UTC

I'm just wondering-- I pretty much have to continue this, right?
*nods solemnly* That's right.

Oh, hey. Options. I had assumed it was residual trauma from losing Tosh and Owen.
Alien possession has been done. And done and done and done. BUT. That isn't to say one didn't try, only to end up buried under a mountain of angst in a blocked off corner of Ianto's brain.
Magic mushrooms, I have read recently. IIRC, they were doing pelvic thrusts. But that was in a different fandom, and I have no evidence to say that Evil!Ianto couldn't be caused by magic mushrooms. You would have to explain why the others weren't also evil, though.
All things considered, I don't think Ianto would have time for a mid-life crisis.

Bananas are good. This is canon. You wouldn't want to go against canon, would you?

The brass knuckles came free with the paring knife. Which is alien, but not an alien.

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! kayliemalinza August 11 2008, 05:15:44 UTC

Hey. Hey. What if....

Ianto and Tosh were totally in a D/s relationship for the whole of TW 1 and 2, and that's where Ianto got all of his mean out, but now that she's gone he's out of balance? I'm thinking Tosh was the domme. Totally. Yes. Except not at all. Or maybe they switched. Can we fit this into the 4chanTroll!Tosh scenario...?

Really I'm just making stuff up and this does not make any sense. But I like the idea that Ianto is like this naturally and is just now showing it more for some reason.

Or the bananas are talking to him. They are far more interesting, after all.

Obviously the brass knuckles/paring knife combo was a special on the Home Shopping Network of some planets where fruit gangs are a problem. "Harold, don't approach that kiwi! It's rotten to the core!"

There's also the Evil Twin option...?

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! order_of_chaos August 11 2008, 05:45:46 UTC

Canonically - ow, ow, ow, my brain, no. Fitting it in with the canonical and semicanonical bits of Jack/Ianto and Lisa/Ianto (not to mention Tosh/Owen) would be... would be....
Canon-regardless - wheeeee!!!!!! They switched. They totally switched. And not all the time - sometimes they were all fluffy and adorable, and sometimes one of them just wanted to flay someone alive be in control for a while (or lose it). It may or may not have started after the thing with the cannibals.

But I like the idea that Ianto is like this naturally and is just now showing it more for some reason. Yes. Definitely. That's partly why I favoured residual trauma over alien possession or magic mushrooms. He's still himself.

I don't like the Evil Twin option so much. Theoretically it should be awesome, but when I think about it I just feel cheated that our Ianto doesn't get to be evil.
He could have a good twin, though :D

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! kayliemalinza August 11 2008, 06:09:11 UTC

Let's go with canon-regardless, since this fic started out being me making fun of my fanon characterization. SO. I think it *did* start after Countrycide-- Ianto asking Tosh to teach him to be brave, how to deal with field work or sommat? ALSO. Tosh might want to work out some frustrations left over from Cyberwoman, and Ianto might want to do some penance for Cyberwoman (since Tosh, of course, was v. quiet about her sense of betrayal, unlike Jack, Gwen, and Owen.) I think some tremulous-yet-earnest cunnilingus is in order. Um. I swear I am not a broken record, I just think that Ianto would be brilliant at it and Tosh really deserves it and, um. I should probably just finish the mistletoe fic and get it out of my system. ::coughs lightly:: SO. Tosh would be an AWESOME StrictSchoolteacher, yes? Like, maybe maybe maybe the fluff starts out as a legitimate lesson, since Ianto wants to learn a computer system or a particular branch of temporal physics, and Tosh teaches him a fair bit of it, but then, as Ianto is Ianto, he starts making sly ( ... )

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! order_of_chaos August 11 2008, 08:30:51 UTC

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
Tosh would be an AWESOME StrictSchoolteacher, yes?
And yes. And Ianto would make a very good school-student.

...and then he goes even further and she just so happens to be holding a ruler, and and and....

ow
sorry. i didn't mean to do that
it's alright. i was just... I...
you what?
never mind
do i need to spank you again?
...
oh. oh

I'm going to move on now before you encourage me I embarrass myself. what's it like when Ianto doms? GUH topless Tosh tied up STOP IT, BRAIN.
Me? Encourage you? Never.
Meticulous. Artistic. Whimsical. Sadistic. Tosh on a backdrop of black velvet, arms up above her head and tied there so she's all stretched out and on display. Mock-blindfolded with a strip of black gauze thin enough to see through.
But I'm not thinking that.

The Good!Twin needs to be set pre-Exit Wounds, so Owen can be around. The moment of revelation that their Ianto is the evil twin is going to be awesome.
But long in coming - maybe weeks, even - because naturally they'd all assume their Ianto was the ( ... )

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! kayliemalinza August 11 2008, 15:54:42 UTC

OMG JUST IMAGINE TOSH AND IANTO FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER. Ianto would be all lip-curling and smirky and Tosh would be a bit abashed but shy-smiling and she'd be sekritly snarky, too, and Ianto would be comfy because Tosh doesn't initiate physical contact all that often and Tosh would be comfy because Ianto is gentlemanly and makes sure she knows how he's going to touch her and is ok with it before he does it (in the realm of arm strokes and facekissing-- beyond that, a little surprise is nice) and Tosh doesn't know quite how it happens, but Ianto has her flushed and witty and her breasts just sort of... reach out of their own accord and he just gets lost in them and her code's done compiling but she doesn't care and DAMMIT DAMMIT. DAMMIT, BRAIN ( ... )

Evil!Ianto is Evil order_of_chaos August 12 2008, 09:36:25 UTC

OMG Ianto and Tosh and identical smiles of evilness. Yessssssss. *is ded*
Part of me is convinced that they also stop before it gets porny, and just let the UST build. And build, and build, all the while knowing exactly what they're doing to each other. Insinuating glances over cups of coffee. Emails that border on cybersex ( ... )

Re: Evil!Ianto is Evil kayliemalinza August 12 2008, 15:37:36 UTC

For some reason, I'm imagining Ianto slipping Tosh a folded card with her coffee: it's a lovely, subtly-colored, Art-Deco erotic drawing. With bondage scarves. MEANWHILE Good!Ianto sets out tiny vases of flowers, and while Gwen is touched, Tosh can't be bothered, really. Evil!Ianto convinces Tosh to include Good!Ianto in her Fantastically Complicated and Brilliant Prankish Plan of Evilness Against Owen. They eventually target Jack and Gwen, too, 'cause their reactions are funny. (I am in no way angling for EvilTwin!Tosh. Nope. Not at all. Tosh is unique and special and singular. Her Evilness needs no counter. Owen starts the search for her Good twin anyway ( ... )

Tosh/Ianto-- I SEE IT. kayliemalinza August 14 2008, 18:11:51 UTC

Hey. I rewatched "Countrycide" and you know what? I think Tosh and Ianto might have been switching-- albeit maybe non-sexually-- before then. If you get a chance, watch the bit where Tosh and Ianto are looking for the SUV. Ianto is holding Tosh's tech (having "taken the liberty" with it ages ago) and Tosh comes up besides him, being all small and wonderful, scowls, and snatches it back!

Ianto smiles. While being tall.

Something's going on there, methinks.

(Also, tech = security blanket. D'awwww.)

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! kayliemalinza August 11 2008, 05:16:47 UTC

WAIT. THE MUNITIONS FACTORIES / BANANA GROVES OF VILLENGARD.

007 JONES.

JUST SAYIN'.

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! order_of_chaos August 11 2008, 05:54:06 UTC

YESSSSSSSSSSS.

Causing large explosions doesn't make him a pyromaniac - it's his job.

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! kayliemalinza August 11 2008, 06:21:32 UTC

So maybe, after The Stolen Earth or sommat, the Doctor gets his past self to recruit Ianto or something? However it happens, Ianto walks off into a supply closet or something at, say, 10:30 am, does secret agenty stuff for a few months or years, and returns just before noon. He's seen the universe, he's cranky because the only reason he's back is because he got demoted (office politics, and some silly dignitary complained, and really, was that bit of accidental genocide really his fault?) and he doesn't quite remember Gwen and Jack as well as he used to, and also he likely racked up some Angst and Anger Issues while 007-ing.

AHAHAHAHA NO WAIT. He was supposed to PROTECT the munitions factory, but the Doctor OUTSMARTED HIM and that's why Ianto got sacked, and of course post-"The Stolen Earth" Jack and Gwen are jabbering on and on and on about how wonderful the Doctor is, how dashing, and isn't he lovely in those suits and Ianto is understandably irked. Gwen gets decaf so she'll doze off and he won't have to listen to her prattle. ( ... )

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! order_of_chaos August 11 2008, 10:22:12 UTC

...and isn't he lovely in those suits and Ianto is understandably irked.
Understandably from the perspective of someone who knows what happened. From the perspective of Jack and Gwen, of course, Ianto hates them for no reason at all and it's not fair.
And eventually Gwen gives him hurt puppy-dog eyes of confusion and Jack - Jack - starts turning down sex in favour of conversations like "Ianto, please, please tell me what's wrong so I can fix it." and "I'm sorry, okay? Now stop it, you're upsetting Gwen." and "Would killing me help? Because if it would...."
And Ianto decides that Explanations are in order after all, and Jack assures Ianto that his suit is much nicer than the Doctor's, and when Martha comes Ianto is very nice to her indeed.

Re: NOM NOM NOMMMMMMM! kayliemalinza August 12 2008, 02:37:17 UTC

I'm pretty much gonna have to add you as co-author when I do the next part.

P.S. I ADDED ON TO THE END OF THIS PART. A LOT. DOUBLED THE LENGTH, ACTUALLY.

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