Confessions.
Of course we all know what today is. It's all over the television and the radio. A day of sadness for a nation. While people around me are wracked with grief and sadness for the people who departed us 5 years ago today, I have a hard time feeling the way the media wants me to feel.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a 100% uncaring unfeeling selfish bitch. It's not the people who departed that I have sadness for. It's the people who were close to these people who I feel sadness for. Those people who had their loved ones ripped out of their lives in such an un-expected and mainly UNTHINKABLE manner. But, I'm in no way demoralized by the events of 9/11. Well, I'd say I'm more pissed about the whole thing then I am wracked with fear and sadness.
At the same time, most of those people who have lost people would probably tell me that they dont want my sympathy. I can't help it. It's the way I am programmed.
In true dysfuncational fashion, I've been accused of being uncaring and unfeeling. I wasnt acting all "in mourning" like the media wants me to feel. The whole day has left me feeling like I just had my nose swatted with a newspaper. I hate the these types of days because it brings out this argumentative political side of my dad. It's days like this where I know that I need to get the hell out of here, but I cant go just yet. I feel like I cant leave until things with my grandparents are resolved with my mom. I dont want to let her down again after I stopped assisting my grandparents on the weekends and it's my mom who wants someone here with my dad since my brothers are away at college. She doesnt tell me that directly, but I know her well enough to know that she feels better with me here instead of Dayton.
But anyway, like I said. It's not the people who lost their lives today that need to be remembered. It's my faith and my particular set of beliefs that there's an afterlife. It's the departed's family and friends who I think of. It's the familes of those who have lost their lives in the continued aftermath that have my thoughts today. I have a special grief for all those young children who will never get a chance to get to know their Mothers and Fathers, uncles, aunts, and/or grandparents.
I cannot change the events of the past. I can only remember and pay my respects to the living who are left behind.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a 100% uncaring unfeeling selfish bitch. It's not the people who departed that I have sadness for. It's the people who were close to these people who I feel sadness for. Those people who had their loved ones ripped out of their lives in such an un-expected and mainly UNTHINKABLE manner. But, I'm in no way demoralized by the events of 9/11. Well, I'd say I'm more pissed about the whole thing then I am wracked with fear and sadness.
At the same time, most of those people who have lost people would probably tell me that they dont want my sympathy. I can't help it. It's the way I am programmed.
In true dysfuncational fashion, I've been accused of being uncaring and unfeeling. I wasnt acting all "in mourning" like the media wants me to feel. The whole day has left me feeling like I just had my nose swatted with a newspaper. I hate the these types of days because it brings out this argumentative political side of my dad. It's days like this where I know that I need to get the hell out of here, but I cant go just yet. I feel like I cant leave until things with my grandparents are resolved with my mom. I dont want to let her down again after I stopped assisting my grandparents on the weekends and it's my mom who wants someone here with my dad since my brothers are away at college. She doesnt tell me that directly, but I know her well enough to know that she feels better with me here instead of Dayton.
But anyway, like I said. It's not the people who lost their lives today that need to be remembered. It's my faith and my particular set of beliefs that there's an afterlife. It's the departed's family and friends who I think of. It's the familes of those who have lost their lives in the continued aftermath that have my thoughts today. I have a special grief for all those young children who will never get a chance to get to know their Mothers and Fathers, uncles, aunts, and/or grandparents.
I cannot change the events of the past. I can only remember and pay my respects to the living who are left behind.