Sighs..
I'm slowly falling apart again.. I'm starting to randomly cry.. God.. I'm like.. crying right now even.. I miss Jose, so much.. So damn much it hurts.. I want to see him, I want to be able to be in his arms, I want to feel his embrace, the taste of his lips against mines.. When I think about it.. I can't help but just cry... Looking at how all I can do is type out "I love you" to him, tell him on the phone I love him.. But it isn't the same as saying I love you to his face... It just hurts so much.... I can't stand it.. When I'm out with my sister, seeing her with Julio, hugging each other and kissing... Playing around... Seeing that... makes me so sad although I try my best to hide it.. I can't stop crying.. I really can't.. It hurts so much.. I wanna be with him.. I'm feeling so hurt that I just wanna end this pain by being gone.. Disappear.. Just.. end my pain... Why did I fall so hard this time.. I told myself, over and over again.. Never fall so hard for someone.. Esp if its long distance... Cause it'll only hurt me.. Though obviously, I fell hard for Jose... &I love him so damn much.. I wonder how the hell do I even survive days, weeks without seeing him... Maybe its cause I cry everynight to make myself feel better?.. This drove me to the point of me having major mood swings... I guess crying it out does helps... But my eyes are becoming sore.. I'm crying way too much... and I can't help it.. I can hardly sleep.. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even doing the best I can for him... Sometimes I feel... Selfish.. That I'm expecting so much out of him.. Yet I do the same shit though I bitch at him for it... Im losing myself... I wish I could just... forget this pain.... I want this to pain to go away..... I hate it... I just... don't know... anymore..