not making a lot of progress on those goals I set for myself.
And I know, its only the middle of January ... but still, Id hoped to have formed at least one good habit by now. So far? Not so much.
Going from my original list of five posted here first ...
1) I have started exercising again, but it consists of walking around the neighborhood. And given the ice we still have in places, this isnt the easiest thing in the world. I should go back to the Rec Center, but somehow, its like I cant manage it. Somehow, working there makes me self conscious about it. Its stupid, I know, and something I need to work on.
2) Reading isnt going much better. Im not sitting down and doing the half hour I told myself Id do. I just cant concentrate that long ... hell, sometimes, like yesterday, I cant even sit still long enough to read a page. I chalk it up to meds, though. I just made changes, and theyre still taking effect.
3) I havent made progress on Blue Dragon. Although, again, this I attribute to a major thing. Adrian and I got in this habit of watching the other play RPGs ... sort of following the story along and helping out with FAQs and such as needed. During the week isnt that feasible cause between his work and my work, we lose days and some evenings, and other evenings, we are playing catch up. And the last two weekends, we have spent either doing activities out of the house -- ie, driving up to the mountains so Adrian can ski -- or watching football. Hence, no progress.
Now, the AFC and NFC championships are next weekend, and then we get a weekend break, so maybe there will be some time? Of course, Im sure hed like to go to the mountains this Saturday -- no football -- and the next weekend -- no football -- again, so Im running into the same damn issue over and over.
4) The career change ... this is one place Ive made some progress, but not much. I called and talked to the department head of the MOT program. I need to apply to her after I do a general app to the college, which I did. Thing is, I dont know if I need some feedback from the school that my app has been received or approved -- I did it online, so Im guessing it was received, and it being a community college, I think everyone is approved -- so Im confused there. I still need to do the MOT application, though. I need immunizations, and I need to figure out my transcript. And Im not sure who the transcript goes to as the MOT application says to include it, but I think the general school needs it as well.
So I think the next step on this front is to get an official transcript from BU. Once thats received, I can do the MOT application and submit that. And then, I guess, I wait and see what happens. I can always get the transcript to the general school for consideration later, I suppose. From talking to the head of MOT, I should meet most of the general cert requirements, but it might be good to pick up a few additional classes, such as nutrition. Hell, I could benefit from a nutrition class for my own edification anyway.
5) Bump is, for now, a non starter ... mainly cause of my mental health. First reason is cause my mood is unstable. Second reason is cause, sadly, the MAOI is probably my best anti depressant option, and MAOIs and babies do not mix. >_<
Now, to my other additional goals set later, Im not doing so well either ...
I wanted to try and cook on a more regular basis. And I did make my Christmas Pasta. But did I post the recipe? Nope. And have I cooked anything of significance since? Nope. And will I while Adrian is out of town? Nope ... probably. >_<
The other goal was to try and write to someone once a month. And while this hasnt happened yet and I still have time, its rapidly passing me by. And why havent I done it? I dont know what to say. I write most things about me here, and by the time a snail mail reaches a person, its hopelessly out of date ... which is why, I think, I resist letter writing. Still, I remember how much *I* appreciated Mom's letters and how much I miss not getting them now.
So, yeah ... and the thing that bugs me most looking back over this entry is I feel like Im making excuses at every turn. No, really, it does, doesnt it? Like Im *incapable* of doing these basic things. And maybe I am, to some degree. I wont lie. Being mentally ill makes it hard at times, especially times of great instability, for one to do the most basic of things. But, that sounds like a cop out, and I dont want to use illness as an excuse to not at least make an attempt.
But which to choose? I think Adrian said to Gregg that when trying to make change, making too many changes at once usually results in nothing changing ... and that would seem to be the case with me. So I guess I should choose only maybe two of these things and go with it for a few days.
Looking at this logically ... Bump is the lowest priority, so that goes for now. I cant do anything with education until summer at least, so barring perhaps doing the application for a transcript, that probably should be tabled. I cant do anything significant on games while Adrian is away ... at least not on Blue Dragon, so can that for the moment. I still have time on my letter writing goal, so I dont have to do it today.
So what am I left with? Reading, cooking, and exercise. Reading isnt working at the moment, so Ill let that go for the moment. So Im down to cooking and exercise. Assuming I can handle those two, the plan would then be to make something for dinner and get in a walk. As Im working today, I dont really have time to do a full blown meal, but I think that can be a goal for tomorrow. That leaves getting in a walk today.
Five hours or so until work ... I think I can get a walk in, yes? Yes, I can.
Its pretty bad when one has to spend actual time rationalizing things out, let alone WRITING out the process for all to see. And yet, if thats what I need to do to get anything done, than so be it, I guess. (Its not like you have to read all this nonsense, right?)