Check Mate.
so apparently it was matty that convinced them to do what they did.
apparently they actually did care about me? and then matty convinced them to do otherwise.
whatever.
I still have nothing to apologize for, because I didn't do anything wrong.
you're a psych major, and you yourself was in a similar situation before. if you had just given me time, it would have been fine.
but no, instead you figured i would "sabotage" the relationship? you really don't know me like i thought you did.
I could never be that petty.
I'd love to be friends with them both again.
But they're going to have to re-gain my trust. Its not going to happen overnight.
And if they can't admit to their mistakes, then that's not my problem now, is it.
nope, its not :)
Things are good for me on this end. not fantastic, but getting there :) Kyle and I had some awesome hangouts this weekend. now he starts night shifts 3 or 4 days a week though.... so hopefully he'll still be around. Since he has to stay up all night to sleep during the day to go to work from 7 pm to 7 am, he asked me if I'd be up for pulling all-nighters with him now and then. :) of course I said sure. it means lots of movies and snuggles and fun.
Once I get these two essays done, And hear back from Jennifer about my residence appeal, I'll be completely hunky dory :) yay!
I've been working out a lot... almost too much i think 'cause i haven't been able to eat much. I just haven't felt like eating, and while dad and Sharon have been away..well... they left without getting groceries, so there's no food or ingredients to make food. so I've been guzzling water and working out and making do :)
I got told by a lot of strangers at the wedding and at my mom's function thing that I have perfect 'alabaster' skin.
which is weird, because I hate my skin at the moment. Its turning freckley.. i'm getting a slight tan from outside which is making all my white scars and pockmarks show up.. I'm sick of shaving, plucking, and waxing... I keep getting random tiny cuts/scabs and pickies. it sucks.
Benito called me today from Karisma, wanting to know what was up. I told him I hadn't come up with the money yet, but that i was still interested. He sounded relieved and excited. then we talked about Tool and which shows we were going to this summer. so he told me to give him a phone call when I was ready to sign the contract and get headshots done and whatnot. :)
so.. thats kind of relieving but still a little stressful.
My computer is pissing me off to no end. Its SO slow lately... it lags while I'm typing. it sucks balls. with teeth.
I can't wait until i finish worrying about school stuff... then I can play guitar more and stuff.
Hopefully I'll get my car back soon...
I'm not sure if I should pay the $600 repairs, or sell the car and buy the 96 Sunfire Kyle's family is selling for like $1000.
91 Dodge Spirit vs 96 Pontiac Sunfire?.. I'd go with the sunfire. only thing is theres no AC. my spirit has AC. but the Sunfire has a CD player... and my spirit only has tape lol.
Spirit is grey... sunfire is white... mehhh... lol.
We'll see. I'll run it past my dad when he gets back.
Oh yea, Sharon's dad had a heart attack and his kidney's failed... so he's in the hospital in cirtical condition... not expected to live long... so they cut their honeymoon short, came back for a day, then both flew to Massachusetts to be with him. Dad comes back tonight some time.. and then Sharon is staying there... and then going back to her house in Rhode Island to pack up more and look after things until the Closing date on the house. so she'll be gone for like three weeks. and honestly? I'll miss her.
She makes things fun around here. and she's really good to talk to about anything lol... she has hilarious revenge ideas.
I'm hungry... and I have a headache. been getting them every day lately. and really sore/tight muscles.
off to go eat some more ibprofen and tylenol..
when i panicked while talking to matty... I ran a really hot bath.. took 5 advil and 2 migraine strength tylenol and laid in the bath... the pills didnt even do anything, so i took two more tylenol... nothing. :S.
good to know at least i can't off myself by taking too many pills. kinda shitty that i tried, though.
Kinda shittier that no one knew.
it was one of those moments where you just can't take what life dishes out to you anymore.. and I just wanted to fall asleep and drown. because half the time I feel like i'm drowning in life anyway. I don't swim well, and no matter how hard I try, I always seem to fall under.
Even though I wanted to die, I wanted desperately for someone to save me and pull me out of the tub.
I hated that I was home alone that night. I wanted someone to be there, to talk to.. to explain why i was doing what i was doing. but i was all alone.. and then I couldnt even do it.
and I knew that if i did die... no one would know. my family would know, my relatives... my dad would probably have found me and would have had to call my mom and tell her...but i don't think anyone would tell my friends. the ones I have left anyway. My dad would probably tell kyle... and kyle would pass it on to jack and kathleen and bailey... who would pass it on to atlin and shauna and all of them. at least the people I went to highschool with would know. Yana would probably find out from jack.. so randy and all the SJAM people would find out. but no one from York would know. that's a pity... Kinda makes me want to leave a note with someone on who to contact, should anything happen to me.
you know, that scares me. I could end up in the hospital for any number of reasons... I could be dead, and no one that i cared about would know.
I wonder if evan and vanessa would care if I was in the hospital...or dead.... it would make it easier for them....no one would have to appologize....
Dan wants to die too. He's depressed lately. I'm always depressed--I just smile a lot
I want to be so gorgeous that no one can turn me away.... or turn away from me...
apparently they actually did care about me? and then matty convinced them to do otherwise.
whatever.
I still have nothing to apologize for, because I didn't do anything wrong.
you're a psych major, and you yourself was in a similar situation before. if you had just given me time, it would have been fine.
but no, instead you figured i would "sabotage" the relationship? you really don't know me like i thought you did.
I could never be that petty.
I'd love to be friends with them both again.
But they're going to have to re-gain my trust. Its not going to happen overnight.
And if they can't admit to their mistakes, then that's not my problem now, is it.
nope, its not :)
Things are good for me on this end. not fantastic, but getting there :) Kyle and I had some awesome hangouts this weekend. now he starts night shifts 3 or 4 days a week though.... so hopefully he'll still be around. Since he has to stay up all night to sleep during the day to go to work from 7 pm to 7 am, he asked me if I'd be up for pulling all-nighters with him now and then. :) of course I said sure. it means lots of movies and snuggles and fun.
Once I get these two essays done, And hear back from Jennifer about my residence appeal, I'll be completely hunky dory :) yay!
I've been working out a lot... almost too much i think 'cause i haven't been able to eat much. I just haven't felt like eating, and while dad and Sharon have been away..well... they left without getting groceries, so there's no food or ingredients to make food. so I've been guzzling water and working out and making do :)
I got told by a lot of strangers at the wedding and at my mom's function thing that I have perfect 'alabaster' skin.
which is weird, because I hate my skin at the moment. Its turning freckley.. i'm getting a slight tan from outside which is making all my white scars and pockmarks show up.. I'm sick of shaving, plucking, and waxing... I keep getting random tiny cuts/scabs and pickies. it sucks.
Benito called me today from Karisma, wanting to know what was up. I told him I hadn't come up with the money yet, but that i was still interested. He sounded relieved and excited. then we talked about Tool and which shows we were going to this summer. so he told me to give him a phone call when I was ready to sign the contract and get headshots done and whatnot. :)
so.. thats kind of relieving but still a little stressful.
My computer is pissing me off to no end. Its SO slow lately... it lags while I'm typing. it sucks balls. with teeth.
I can't wait until i finish worrying about school stuff... then I can play guitar more and stuff.
Hopefully I'll get my car back soon...
I'm not sure if I should pay the $600 repairs, or sell the car and buy the 96 Sunfire Kyle's family is selling for like $1000.
91 Dodge Spirit vs 96 Pontiac Sunfire?.. I'd go with the sunfire. only thing is theres no AC. my spirit has AC. but the Sunfire has a CD player... and my spirit only has tape lol.
Spirit is grey... sunfire is white... mehhh... lol.
We'll see. I'll run it past my dad when he gets back.
Oh yea, Sharon's dad had a heart attack and his kidney's failed... so he's in the hospital in cirtical condition... not expected to live long... so they cut their honeymoon short, came back for a day, then both flew to Massachusetts to be with him. Dad comes back tonight some time.. and then Sharon is staying there... and then going back to her house in Rhode Island to pack up more and look after things until the Closing date on the house. so she'll be gone for like three weeks. and honestly? I'll miss her.
She makes things fun around here. and she's really good to talk to about anything lol... she has hilarious revenge ideas.
I'm hungry... and I have a headache. been getting them every day lately. and really sore/tight muscles.
off to go eat some more ibprofen and tylenol..
when i panicked while talking to matty... I ran a really hot bath.. took 5 advil and 2 migraine strength tylenol and laid in the bath... the pills didnt even do anything, so i took two more tylenol... nothing. :S.
good to know at least i can't off myself by taking too many pills. kinda shitty that i tried, though.
Kinda shittier that no one knew.
it was one of those moments where you just can't take what life dishes out to you anymore.. and I just wanted to fall asleep and drown. because half the time I feel like i'm drowning in life anyway. I don't swim well, and no matter how hard I try, I always seem to fall under.
Even though I wanted to die, I wanted desperately for someone to save me and pull me out of the tub.
I hated that I was home alone that night. I wanted someone to be there, to talk to.. to explain why i was doing what i was doing. but i was all alone.. and then I couldnt even do it.
and I knew that if i did die... no one would know. my family would know, my relatives... my dad would probably have found me and would have had to call my mom and tell her...but i don't think anyone would tell my friends. the ones I have left anyway. My dad would probably tell kyle... and kyle would pass it on to jack and kathleen and bailey... who would pass it on to atlin and shauna and all of them. at least the people I went to highschool with would know. Yana would probably find out from jack.. so randy and all the SJAM people would find out. but no one from York would know. that's a pity... Kinda makes me want to leave a note with someone on who to contact, should anything happen to me.
you know, that scares me. I could end up in the hospital for any number of reasons... I could be dead, and no one that i cared about would know.
I wonder if evan and vanessa would care if I was in the hospital...or dead.... it would make it easier for them....no one would have to appologize....
Dan wants to die too. He's depressed lately. I'm always depressed--I just smile a lot
I want to be so gorgeous that no one can turn me away.... or turn away from me...