What Have I Done? - Prologue - R
Title: What Have I Done?
Author: Kavikalphawolf
Beta: None
Chapter: 0/?
Band/Pairing: Tora/Shou [alice nine.]
Rating: R
Genre: Angst
Warnings: Non-con
Disclaimer: Do not own these guys.
Comment(s): Came out of nowhere. Just wanted to write a non-con fic, even if this has only bits and pieces of the actual act.
Summary: His head was pressed to the cold wall, eyes unfocused, yet fixated upon the door leading to the outside; Fearful of what lay out there. Scared to make a single move more than he had to. Chilled to the bone remembering last night.
Shou quivered, far in the recesses of a large closet, hidden away behind coats and other large pieces of clothing that dangled down and blocked view of even the smallest bit of his body. His head was pressed to the cold wall, eyes unfocused, yet fixated upon the door leading to the outside; Fearful of what lay out there. Scared to make a single move more than he had to, chilled to the bone remembering last night.
"No, Tora! Just go to bed!" Shou had shouted, pushing the drunken man off of him and onto the other side of the bed, where he had been sure Tora would stay and fall asleep. Then he turned around and faced the other direction, intending on grabbing some sleep himself.
Back then he hadn't been fearful. Didn't think that the taller man was capable of anything more than slight drunken advances.
But he had been wrong.
"What? Tora what are you doing?" Strong arms had encircled him, pulling him towards that powerful, feline body that he had known for so long. That he had been friends with for many years. "Let me go!"
It had been futile. Tora had more strength than he had ever remembered. His arms were capable of holding Shou to the bed, ceasing his struggling with one arm while blocking his loud protests with another hand. Words were growled, threatened into the singer's ear. Told of how he'd beat him, how he'd kill him or another of the members if he didn't comply.
When Shou still hadn't listened, Tora had slapped him. The area was now a sharp, stinging bruise on his cheek that couldn't even be touched.
"Listen here you little shit." Tora had growled, hands in a vice-like grip upon Shou's upper arms, making the shorter man squirm in slight pain and discomfort. "Whether you fight or not this is going to happen." His breath was tainted with so many types of alcohol, Shou had thought it a wonder Tora could even speak coherently at that point.
Small pinpricks of sensation erupted down his marred body in remembrance, sent him shivering and convulsing, tiny beads of tears dotting the edges of his eyes. There was a caked on feeling between his thighs, and an ache along his entire lower half. The metallic scent of blood was all around and it was all Shou could do not to vomit.
A rough thrust and Tora was buried to the hilt inside the younger body, a moan escaping his lips and mingling with the scream that escaped Shou's melodious throat. He waited not a moment before he was pulling out and slamming in, blood trickling between the singer's thighs and coloring the light sheets below them. His mouth sought Shou's, muffling the protests that had started again, as his hands held to Shou's arms.
Whimpering, Shou's eyes closed, trying to will away the images bubbling to the surface of his forever scarred mind.
He didn't know how he had managed or why he had done it, but after it was over and Tora was sleeping, Shou found himself closing himself inside a closet, heart sinking in fear when he realized the door could not be locked from the inside, nor the outside for that matter. He was naked, but that was irrelevant at this point. He didn't care.
There had been no sleep at all that night for the vocalist. He'd been too worried, too paranoid Tora would wake up and continue what he had been doing. So far he hadn't, but that didn't keep Shou from remaining alert, sensitive to any and all sounds he heard.
His head jerked up, eyes snapping open when muffled groans of pain could be heard coming from the room on the other side of the door. Shou held his breath, straining to hear what was happening, what Tora was muttering to himself upon waking.
The silence of the next few minutes about sent Shou into a panic attack, his heart racing, blood pounding and pulsating in his ears. The sound of his own heartbeat he found to be dangerously loud, thinking Tora could hear it. That any moment Tora was going to drag him from the closet for a second round. Shou knew his mind nor his body could handle such a thing.
"What the-?" That was all Shou could make out in the next moment, unsure if Tora said something more or if he had cut off his words. At least he sounded back to normal. That was a plus.
Finding himself cringing back upon the sounds of Tora's feet on the hardwood floor, Shou almost screamed in fear when a shadow of Tora's body passed under the door of the closet. There was no mistaking that it was at least broad daylight outside and filtering through the bedroom windows.
His body continued to shiver, stressed out by the shadow passing again under the door. Though this time, he even heard his name.
"Shou? Are you still here?" Tora called out, his voice seeming unsure, concerned, no doubt wondering where the blood came from. Tora was always such a forgetful drunk. He never remembered what transpired after being inebriated.
The singer contemplated revealing himself to this calmer, albeit confused Tora. He evidently wasn't as he was the past night, but even so....Shou couldn't shake the memories, the fear, uncertainty and betrayal that he felt pass over him at the remembrance. But he didn't mean too... His mind tried, but to no avail. There was no making Shou unafraid at this point.
"I guess he left...but why did he leave his bag?" Shou heard Tora ask himself, before there was an abrupt halt in Tora's steps. It scared Shou, his heart rate climbing even higher as he did his best to hide himself further back into the closet.
Suddenly the steps started again, the shadow now remaining under the door. Shou was almost frantic by this point. He knew Tora was headed straight for the closet. His small fingers clawed at the walls and he didn't even care that he was making noise or that he seemed crazy. There was intense fear shooting through his veins and nothing could make it subside.
When the door to the closet finally opened, the tears started down Shou's face and he curled into a small ball in one of the corners in the closet, trying to seem as small and miniscule as possible so Tora wouldn't see him and instead leave.
Coats were pulled away, hangers separated, until Shou knew he was in plain sight. The light from Tora's room filtered in on him and he could almost feel the tall guitarist's eyes wide and upon him, staring at him in dull disbelief. Shou never felt so shamed and afraid in all his life.
"Shou-kun...Oh my God, what happened? I didn't do this, did I?" It was a stupid question. Who else could have done it?
A timid, hesitant hand reached out and touched Shou's bare shoulder, trying to soothe him, but it had adverse effects. Shou's entire body tensed and he jerked, trying to get away.
"Don't hurt me!" He screamed, entire body shaking as he tried to claw at the wall again, in a way that made it seem like he was trying to make an escape route. His nail polish cracked as his fingers pressed into the wall forcefully, and Tora became afraid that Shou was going to hurt himself trying to get away.
Even though he knew the consequences before his actions, Tora reached out and grabbed both of Shou's wrists, dragging the now kicking and screaming man from the closet. "Shou, calm down! I'm not going to hurt you!" The shrill sounds were going right to Tora's hungover brain and agitating him, making him not as sympathetic as he would have usually been.
Shou's entire body thrashed against the hold, wriggling and writhing, voice hoarse from all his screaming and crying. Within minutes of Tora just holding onto him and keeping him in one place, Shou had exhausted what little energy he had, had left. The smaller man was left panting, chest heaving and eyes watering from the pain, the tiredness, and the fear. "L-Let me go..." It was the last of weak protests and Tora was glad for it as he then picked Shou up and held him close while walking to the bathroom.
Guilt clenched the guitarist's heart when even though he had been fighting Tora moments earlier, Shou wrapped his arms around Tora's neck and buried his face into his shoulder as he was carried. Had he really debauched this beautiful man's body in the worst of ways?
He set Shou into the tub, the singer's eyes closing for a moment, yet his body jolted the moment he reopened them to see Tora leaning over the tub's edge and turning on the water. He was too weak to say anything or do much more than that, however.
"Just relax..." Tora coaxed softly, taken aback by the hurt and betrayal he found within his bandmate's eyes that once used to shine with such adoration and friendly love. They spoke everything his mouth couldn't.
"I'm sorry." Tora found himself saying as he reached over and grabbed a washcloth, gently wetting it with warm water and starting to clean Shou of the blood and cum between his legs. Shou hissed when the cloth dragged over his entrance or over a bruise, but other than that he hadn't the strength to protest.
Once the bath had concluded, Tora drained the tub water and dried Shou off right inside of it when the water was completely gone. Using the towel to his advantage, he carried the hurt man back to the bedroom and softly deposited him onto the bed, on the side that wasn't stained with blood.
The dislike showed almost immediately and Shou's fear heightened, chest heaving and hands clenching into bedsheets with as much strength as he could muster. His eyes pleaded with Tora to move him, his voice seeming gone. Or too painful to use.
Wordlessly, Tora nodded and picked up Shou's broken body, carrying him to the living room still within the towel. He carefully placed Shou onto the couch with his head on a pillow, making him comfortable before continuing to dry his body.
Shou watched as Tora disappeared into the bedroom again, shoulders slumped and dejected, almost regretful in his posture as he retrieved a pair of boxers and a tank top for Shou to wear before re-entering the living room.
As the guitarist watched Shou slowly fight to get the clothes on, he took a deep breath to calm the nerves in his body and keep him from being frightened at the prospect Shou would hate him. Nothing could take away the regret and guilt resounding through his hungover body. Shou hadn't deserved what had transpired. Mildly, he wondered if Shou knew that.
Fear-clouded eyes looked up at Tora when the singer was finished dressing and the older man could take away the towel.
"Get some sleep." Tora murmured, reaching for the blanket on the back of the couch and draping it over Shou's tired form. "I'll call Hiroto to come and get you later, okay?" A shallow nod and Tora could see how Shou's body fell asleep within moments of relaxing under the blanket.
The sight of the peaceful, sleeping body made him scared for the future. What would Shou be like when he woke? Hate him? Want to quit the band to get away from him? He didn't know, but one thought seeped to the surface above all others.
What have I done?
Author: Kavikalphawolf
Beta: None
Chapter: 0/?
Band/Pairing: Tora/Shou [alice nine.]
Rating: R
Genre: Angst
Warnings: Non-con
Disclaimer: Do not own these guys.
Comment(s): Came out of nowhere. Just wanted to write a non-con fic, even if this has only bits and pieces of the actual act.
Summary: His head was pressed to the cold wall, eyes unfocused, yet fixated upon the door leading to the outside; Fearful of what lay out there. Scared to make a single move more than he had to. Chilled to the bone remembering last night.
Shou quivered, far in the recesses of a large closet, hidden away behind coats and other large pieces of clothing that dangled down and blocked view of even the smallest bit of his body. His head was pressed to the cold wall, eyes unfocused, yet fixated upon the door leading to the outside; Fearful of what lay out there. Scared to make a single move more than he had to, chilled to the bone remembering last night.
"No, Tora! Just go to bed!" Shou had shouted, pushing the drunken man off of him and onto the other side of the bed, where he had been sure Tora would stay and fall asleep. Then he turned around and faced the other direction, intending on grabbing some sleep himself.
Back then he hadn't been fearful. Didn't think that the taller man was capable of anything more than slight drunken advances.
But he had been wrong.
"What? Tora what are you doing?" Strong arms had encircled him, pulling him towards that powerful, feline body that he had known for so long. That he had been friends with for many years. "Let me go!"
It had been futile. Tora had more strength than he had ever remembered. His arms were capable of holding Shou to the bed, ceasing his struggling with one arm while blocking his loud protests with another hand. Words were growled, threatened into the singer's ear. Told of how he'd beat him, how he'd kill him or another of the members if he didn't comply.
When Shou still hadn't listened, Tora had slapped him. The area was now a sharp, stinging bruise on his cheek that couldn't even be touched.
"Listen here you little shit." Tora had growled, hands in a vice-like grip upon Shou's upper arms, making the shorter man squirm in slight pain and discomfort. "Whether you fight or not this is going to happen." His breath was tainted with so many types of alcohol, Shou had thought it a wonder Tora could even speak coherently at that point.
Small pinpricks of sensation erupted down his marred body in remembrance, sent him shivering and convulsing, tiny beads of tears dotting the edges of his eyes. There was a caked on feeling between his thighs, and an ache along his entire lower half. The metallic scent of blood was all around and it was all Shou could do not to vomit.
A rough thrust and Tora was buried to the hilt inside the younger body, a moan escaping his lips and mingling with the scream that escaped Shou's melodious throat. He waited not a moment before he was pulling out and slamming in, blood trickling between the singer's thighs and coloring the light sheets below them. His mouth sought Shou's, muffling the protests that had started again, as his hands held to Shou's arms.
Whimpering, Shou's eyes closed, trying to will away the images bubbling to the surface of his forever scarred mind.
He didn't know how he had managed or why he had done it, but after it was over and Tora was sleeping, Shou found himself closing himself inside a closet, heart sinking in fear when he realized the door could not be locked from the inside, nor the outside for that matter. He was naked, but that was irrelevant at this point. He didn't care.
There had been no sleep at all that night for the vocalist. He'd been too worried, too paranoid Tora would wake up and continue what he had been doing. So far he hadn't, but that didn't keep Shou from remaining alert, sensitive to any and all sounds he heard.
His head jerked up, eyes snapping open when muffled groans of pain could be heard coming from the room on the other side of the door. Shou held his breath, straining to hear what was happening, what Tora was muttering to himself upon waking.
The silence of the next few minutes about sent Shou into a panic attack, his heart racing, blood pounding and pulsating in his ears. The sound of his own heartbeat he found to be dangerously loud, thinking Tora could hear it. That any moment Tora was going to drag him from the closet for a second round. Shou knew his mind nor his body could handle such a thing.
"What the-?" That was all Shou could make out in the next moment, unsure if Tora said something more or if he had cut off his words. At least he sounded back to normal. That was a plus.
Finding himself cringing back upon the sounds of Tora's feet on the hardwood floor, Shou almost screamed in fear when a shadow of Tora's body passed under the door of the closet. There was no mistaking that it was at least broad daylight outside and filtering through the bedroom windows.
His body continued to shiver, stressed out by the shadow passing again under the door. Though this time, he even heard his name.
"Shou? Are you still here?" Tora called out, his voice seeming unsure, concerned, no doubt wondering where the blood came from. Tora was always such a forgetful drunk. He never remembered what transpired after being inebriated.
The singer contemplated revealing himself to this calmer, albeit confused Tora. He evidently wasn't as he was the past night, but even so....Shou couldn't shake the memories, the fear, uncertainty and betrayal that he felt pass over him at the remembrance. But he didn't mean too... His mind tried, but to no avail. There was no making Shou unafraid at this point.
"I guess he left...but why did he leave his bag?" Shou heard Tora ask himself, before there was an abrupt halt in Tora's steps. It scared Shou, his heart rate climbing even higher as he did his best to hide himself further back into the closet.
Suddenly the steps started again, the shadow now remaining under the door. Shou was almost frantic by this point. He knew Tora was headed straight for the closet. His small fingers clawed at the walls and he didn't even care that he was making noise or that he seemed crazy. There was intense fear shooting through his veins and nothing could make it subside.
When the door to the closet finally opened, the tears started down Shou's face and he curled into a small ball in one of the corners in the closet, trying to seem as small and miniscule as possible so Tora wouldn't see him and instead leave.
Coats were pulled away, hangers separated, until Shou knew he was in plain sight. The light from Tora's room filtered in on him and he could almost feel the tall guitarist's eyes wide and upon him, staring at him in dull disbelief. Shou never felt so shamed and afraid in all his life.
"Shou-kun...Oh my God, what happened? I didn't do this, did I?" It was a stupid question. Who else could have done it?
A timid, hesitant hand reached out and touched Shou's bare shoulder, trying to soothe him, but it had adverse effects. Shou's entire body tensed and he jerked, trying to get away.
"Don't hurt me!" He screamed, entire body shaking as he tried to claw at the wall again, in a way that made it seem like he was trying to make an escape route. His nail polish cracked as his fingers pressed into the wall forcefully, and Tora became afraid that Shou was going to hurt himself trying to get away.
Even though he knew the consequences before his actions, Tora reached out and grabbed both of Shou's wrists, dragging the now kicking and screaming man from the closet. "Shou, calm down! I'm not going to hurt you!" The shrill sounds were going right to Tora's hungover brain and agitating him, making him not as sympathetic as he would have usually been.
Shou's entire body thrashed against the hold, wriggling and writhing, voice hoarse from all his screaming and crying. Within minutes of Tora just holding onto him and keeping him in one place, Shou had exhausted what little energy he had, had left. The smaller man was left panting, chest heaving and eyes watering from the pain, the tiredness, and the fear. "L-Let me go..." It was the last of weak protests and Tora was glad for it as he then picked Shou up and held him close while walking to the bathroom.
Guilt clenched the guitarist's heart when even though he had been fighting Tora moments earlier, Shou wrapped his arms around Tora's neck and buried his face into his shoulder as he was carried. Had he really debauched this beautiful man's body in the worst of ways?
He set Shou into the tub, the singer's eyes closing for a moment, yet his body jolted the moment he reopened them to see Tora leaning over the tub's edge and turning on the water. He was too weak to say anything or do much more than that, however.
"Just relax..." Tora coaxed softly, taken aback by the hurt and betrayal he found within his bandmate's eyes that once used to shine with such adoration and friendly love. They spoke everything his mouth couldn't.
"I'm sorry." Tora found himself saying as he reached over and grabbed a washcloth, gently wetting it with warm water and starting to clean Shou of the blood and cum between his legs. Shou hissed when the cloth dragged over his entrance or over a bruise, but other than that he hadn't the strength to protest.
Once the bath had concluded, Tora drained the tub water and dried Shou off right inside of it when the water was completely gone. Using the towel to his advantage, he carried the hurt man back to the bedroom and softly deposited him onto the bed, on the side that wasn't stained with blood.
The dislike showed almost immediately and Shou's fear heightened, chest heaving and hands clenching into bedsheets with as much strength as he could muster. His eyes pleaded with Tora to move him, his voice seeming gone. Or too painful to use.
Wordlessly, Tora nodded and picked up Shou's broken body, carrying him to the living room still within the towel. He carefully placed Shou onto the couch with his head on a pillow, making him comfortable before continuing to dry his body.
Shou watched as Tora disappeared into the bedroom again, shoulders slumped and dejected, almost regretful in his posture as he retrieved a pair of boxers and a tank top for Shou to wear before re-entering the living room.
As the guitarist watched Shou slowly fight to get the clothes on, he took a deep breath to calm the nerves in his body and keep him from being frightened at the prospect Shou would hate him. Nothing could take away the regret and guilt resounding through his hungover body. Shou hadn't deserved what had transpired. Mildly, he wondered if Shou knew that.
Fear-clouded eyes looked up at Tora when the singer was finished dressing and the older man could take away the towel.
"Get some sleep." Tora murmured, reaching for the blanket on the back of the couch and draping it over Shou's tired form. "I'll call Hiroto to come and get you later, okay?" A shallow nod and Tora could see how Shou's body fell asleep within moments of relaxing under the blanket.
The sight of the peaceful, sleeping body made him scared for the future. What would Shou be like when he woke? Hate him? Want to quit the band to get away from him? He didn't know, but one thought seeped to the surface above all others.
What have I done?