Someday - 4/?
Title: Someday
Author: Kavikalphawolf
Band/Pairing: Tora/Shou (Main), Saga/Hiroto [alice nine.], Nao/Kai [alice nine./GazettE]
Chapter: 4/?
Rating: R (Over all)
Genre: Major Angst
Warnings: Unbeta'd. Death. (I swear there's a happy ending to this fic! ^_^;)
Disclaimer: Do not own these guys.
Comment(s): Sorry again for the long wait, but here's the fourth chapter. X3 You should see an emergence of a plot or something like that after reading this.
Summary: Everyone was tired after the live except for Tora, so when the others left the club they went to for drinks afterward he decided to stay. Little did he know that small choice would very likely condemn him.
Previous Chapters: 01 02 03
Where am I?
The question was the first thing to run through Tora's head as he blinked his eyes open, brown depths scanning around the room. With a sudden jolt he realized he was in the hospital room he last remembered being in. The only thing was, was that he wasn't where he was supposed to be. He was standing near to the door of the room instead of on the hospital bed, where-he realized with a shock of confusion-he could still see his body lay. This wasn't right. Was he dreaming?
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep
The annoying sound rang in his head first before his ears registered the sounds of crying and attempted comforting words. His eyes glazed over with sadness as he noticed it was his lover who was making those loud cries, who was being comforted by Nao. Saga and Hiroto were softly crying themselves and Tora wasn't sure where the nurse had gone off to. He just knew she wasn't here.
"Hey. Guys, I'm right here." He spoke up, walking over to where Shou and Nao were. He tried placing a hand on his sobbing lover's shoulder, but the vocalist didn't seem to feel it. "Shou-kun, I'm right here. I'm not dead, love." As he attempted to shake Shou's shoulder he quickly noticed he couldn't. It was like the singer's shoulder was too heavy for him and it didn't move even a centimeter under his hand.
"What the hell?" His words echoed in his ears but no one else seemed to hear him.
Looking at his hand, he quickly realized he was wearing his own clothes instead of the hospital gown. Not just any of his clothes either, but the clothes he'd wore just that night when they'd all went out to the club. They weren't bloody. They weren't torn. They were just like they were before anything had ever happened. And Tora was utterly freaked by this knowledge.
Tora felt alongside his head to see if he still had the graze wound there, but it was nothing but his hair and skin. Not even a trace of the injury was still there. Growing frantic at this rapidly escalating nightmare, he pulled his shirt collar down far enough to see if he had the wound in his chest. Nothing. Just smooth, pale skin. "Oh my fucking god I must be dreaming." He looked back to himself on the hospital bed, noticing with sorrowful eyes as Nao had to force Shou away from the bed so the doctor could inspect the body there and be sure it was deceased.
"No! Let me go!" Shou near-screamed into the room, Tora quickly seeing tears lining his pretty face. "Let me fucking go, Nao!" He pulled and tugged to get out of the drummer's hold and almost did had it not been for Saga and Hiroto's help. They all managed to subdue his fit of emotions, but that didn't keep Shou from trying to escape their holds.
This isn't happening. I'm not seeing this...It isn't real. Tora thought solemnly to himself as he took in the sight of Shou's extremely emotional state.
Before he knew it tears were dripping from his own eyes; only a few, but enough to express his sadness. Oh how he longed to just comfort Shou and tell him he was still here. The poor youth was so upset and it tugged pitifully at Tora's heart to know he was the cause. "I'm still here, Shou. I'm not dead. I'm alive, see?" He walked over and reached out to cup the singer's tear-slick cheeks in his hands. No response. He couldn't even feel the warmness of his lover's skin anymore. "S-See Shou? I'm right here with y-you..." His voice hitched as his own emotions seeped into it.
"Why can't you see me? Why don't you notice I'm right here in front of you? Why? Goddammit, why?!" He screamed the last part of his words and he wrenched his hands back quickly in his anger to bury his face in them. He was so frustrated he couldn't think straight. His fingers gripped his hair tightly as he fought to control all the emotions surging through him. Frustration, shame, anger, sadness, and a million others.
He didn't know how long he stood there, fighting away the emotional side of him, but once it managed to subside, he looked up and at the others in the room. The doctor had officially pronounced him dead and Shou was hysterical, making Tora feel even worse as he stood there looking on and feeling so utterly useless. His lover needed him, but he couldn't provide any comfort whatsoever. It would have killed him inside had he not already been dead.
"Tora-shi I'm sorry!" Shou cried out, making Tora's attention on him increase even though he had already been watching him. "I'm sorry I didn't stay at the club with you! I'm sorry I left you there alone! Please come back, Tora-shi!"
Each cry was more pitiful and desperate than the last and wrenched another few tears from Tora's eyes. Shou didn't need to apologize; shouldn't be apologizing. Oh how he wanted to just hold him and tell him it was alright. That it wasn't his fault and that there was nothing he could have done to prevent what had happened.
Eventually the doctor told Nao that he should take Shou back to where they were staying and get him calmed down otherwise he risked injuring himself. He was going to call their manager and explain everything, which Nao was grateful that he didn't have to.
Tora eyed the others as they forced Shou out of the room. He made sure to follow, wanting to make sure he lover was still alright even though he knew that the singer was in good hands with the others.
"No! Fucking let me go!" Shou cried out, startling patients in the waiting room as they made their way to the exit. No one questioned what had happened, though, because they could see the tears lining the pale man's features as well as the solemn expressions those dragging him out had. The vocalist wasn't even aware of his own movements at this point, Nao was quite sure. He was kicking and screaming like a child throwing a tantrum. He had already hit Hiroto once right in the chest, making Nao and Saga more cautious about their hold.
Tora slipped through the doors right after them, making sure the doors didn't close before he was out because he knew he couldn't move anything as whatever he was at this point. A ghost? A spirit? He had no clue. Was this what everyone became when they passed away? He didn't see any other people that he could classify as this, but then again, to him they'd look like normal people. Only those alive couldn't see them. It was a strange concept to him, seeing the world without it seeing you.
It was hard for the others to force Shou into the van, but that was no surprise to them or to Tora. The singer didn't want to leave Tora's side even though he was dead and that much was evident. None of them even tried to tell him this, though, because that would only make it worse.
Tora was quick to climb in the van after the others, Nao in the driver's side and Saga and Hiroto in back to hold onto Shou and try to calm him down. It wasn't working, but they were trying. The tall man was crying into Saga's shirt, body shaking like there was no tomorrow as he fought with the knowledge his boyfriend of so long and best friend of even longer was dead and gone. That Tora was never going to come back to him.
"I want Tora-shi!" He sobbed into Saga's shirt, not protesting Hiroto's head lying against his back in sympathy and the smaller man's arms wrapping around his waist from behind to give him more comfort.
Tora watched this all from the passenger's seat where no one was sitting, his gaze fully turned onto Shou and sadness dancing in his eyes that no one could see. Not even the man he so desperately wanted to see them. "I want you too, Shou..." He breathed out, letting a few more silent tears fall down his pale cheeks.
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By the time they all reached the hotel and got back up to their rooms, Shou was exhausted from all his crying. His voice was worn down and his throat was hurting.
Nao tried soothing him by fixing him a cup of tea in the small kitchen their room had, but Shou refused it. When Nao had tried handing it to him, he had just let it slip from his grip and fall to the carpeted floor around his feet. That was only to be expected, though, so with a sigh Nao gently walked Shou over to his bed and sat him down, trying to coax him into laying and getting some sleep. He refused that too, naturally.
Tora was sitting on the bed as well-had been before Nao had even brought Shou over there. He looked at Shou and watched him carefully, trying anything he could to get Shou to see him sitting there. Nothing worked.
"Shou...you're going to have to sleep." Saga spoke up from his place on Nao's bed, hugging Hiroto to him since the small man was tired too and still very upset with what he had witnessed. "Tora would want you to look out for yourself." It was the first time anything had been spoken of the tall guitarist since they had returned and for a moment Saga was worried he was going to get a bad response, but he didn't. Shou just looked to the floor, eyes blank and holding nothing but tiredness and exhaustion by this point.
Then to everyone's surprise-even Tora's-Shou nodded softly in understanding and turned to get under the covers of the bed. Naturally Tora had to get up and he did, standing to the side of the bed and watching pitifully as Shou lay down on his side of the bed, cuddled into his pillow he had used the last night he had been alive.
The others noticed this too, but said nothing. Nao dismissed Saga and Hiroto back to their room and they did as told, wanting nothing more than to sleep this off and get their heads cleared again even though they knew sleep was not going to help.
Once they were gone, Nao locked the door and walked over to his bed. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep with worrying about Shou, but lying down would be a good thing and he desperately needed it by this point.
Tora watched Nao get situated before he sighed and climbed onto the bed with Shou, lying on top of the covers. He laid against Shou's back and even though the singer wouldn't be able to feel it, he placed an arm around him as if to protect him from some unknown threat, or maybe it was just one last effort to make Shou realize he was still alive. Whatever it was, Shou did seem to detect it.
"Tora-shi..." He murmured in his half-asleep daze, turning over and facing Tora, surprising him immensely and making him wonder if Shou could see him.
His arm still held its place over Shou's body and he held his breath to see what Shou was going to do, only to be disappointed by Shou finally falling into slumber. Sighing again he got himself as close as he was able to and continued to hold Shou to him. His head rested on the same pillow as Shou, but it made no indent whatsoever, something he tried not to notice. "I wish...you could see me, Shou." He murmured, kissing the singer's forehead even if he couldn't feel it. "I shouldn't have been so stupid as to get in that fight. I'm sorry."
As had been anticipated, Shou didn't respond to his words. He just slept on, body finally relaxing.
"But I'll always be here, Shou. I'll watch out for you. Be your guardian angel and one day maybe come back to you. Someday...I promise I will. I'll find a way, I swear, Shou. Don't you ever lose hope."
Chapter Five
Author: Kavikalphawolf
Band/Pairing: Tora/Shou (Main), Saga/Hiroto [alice nine.], Nao/Kai [alice nine./GazettE]
Chapter: 4/?
Rating: R (Over all)
Genre: Major Angst
Warnings: Unbeta'd. Death. (I swear there's a happy ending to this fic! ^_^;)
Disclaimer: Do not own these guys.
Comment(s): Sorry again for the long wait, but here's the fourth chapter. X3 You should see an emergence of a plot or something like that after reading this.
Summary: Everyone was tired after the live except for Tora, so when the others left the club they went to for drinks afterward he decided to stay. Little did he know that small choice would very likely condemn him.
Previous Chapters: 01 02 03
Where am I?
The question was the first thing to run through Tora's head as he blinked his eyes open, brown depths scanning around the room. With a sudden jolt he realized he was in the hospital room he last remembered being in. The only thing was, was that he wasn't where he was supposed to be. He was standing near to the door of the room instead of on the hospital bed, where-he realized with a shock of confusion-he could still see his body lay. This wasn't right. Was he dreaming?
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep
The annoying sound rang in his head first before his ears registered the sounds of crying and attempted comforting words. His eyes glazed over with sadness as he noticed it was his lover who was making those loud cries, who was being comforted by Nao. Saga and Hiroto were softly crying themselves and Tora wasn't sure where the nurse had gone off to. He just knew she wasn't here.
"Hey. Guys, I'm right here." He spoke up, walking over to where Shou and Nao were. He tried placing a hand on his sobbing lover's shoulder, but the vocalist didn't seem to feel it. "Shou-kun, I'm right here. I'm not dead, love." As he attempted to shake Shou's shoulder he quickly noticed he couldn't. It was like the singer's shoulder was too heavy for him and it didn't move even a centimeter under his hand.
"What the hell?" His words echoed in his ears but no one else seemed to hear him.
Looking at his hand, he quickly realized he was wearing his own clothes instead of the hospital gown. Not just any of his clothes either, but the clothes he'd wore just that night when they'd all went out to the club. They weren't bloody. They weren't torn. They were just like they were before anything had ever happened. And Tora was utterly freaked by this knowledge.
Tora felt alongside his head to see if he still had the graze wound there, but it was nothing but his hair and skin. Not even a trace of the injury was still there. Growing frantic at this rapidly escalating nightmare, he pulled his shirt collar down far enough to see if he had the wound in his chest. Nothing. Just smooth, pale skin. "Oh my fucking god I must be dreaming." He looked back to himself on the hospital bed, noticing with sorrowful eyes as Nao had to force Shou away from the bed so the doctor could inspect the body there and be sure it was deceased.
"No! Let me go!" Shou near-screamed into the room, Tora quickly seeing tears lining his pretty face. "Let me fucking go, Nao!" He pulled and tugged to get out of the drummer's hold and almost did had it not been for Saga and Hiroto's help. They all managed to subdue his fit of emotions, but that didn't keep Shou from trying to escape their holds.
This isn't happening. I'm not seeing this...It isn't real. Tora thought solemnly to himself as he took in the sight of Shou's extremely emotional state.
Before he knew it tears were dripping from his own eyes; only a few, but enough to express his sadness. Oh how he longed to just comfort Shou and tell him he was still here. The poor youth was so upset and it tugged pitifully at Tora's heart to know he was the cause. "I'm still here, Shou. I'm not dead. I'm alive, see?" He walked over and reached out to cup the singer's tear-slick cheeks in his hands. No response. He couldn't even feel the warmness of his lover's skin anymore. "S-See Shou? I'm right here with y-you..." His voice hitched as his own emotions seeped into it.
"Why can't you see me? Why don't you notice I'm right here in front of you? Why? Goddammit, why?!" He screamed the last part of his words and he wrenched his hands back quickly in his anger to bury his face in them. He was so frustrated he couldn't think straight. His fingers gripped his hair tightly as he fought to control all the emotions surging through him. Frustration, shame, anger, sadness, and a million others.
He didn't know how long he stood there, fighting away the emotional side of him, but once it managed to subside, he looked up and at the others in the room. The doctor had officially pronounced him dead and Shou was hysterical, making Tora feel even worse as he stood there looking on and feeling so utterly useless. His lover needed him, but he couldn't provide any comfort whatsoever. It would have killed him inside had he not already been dead.
"Tora-shi I'm sorry!" Shou cried out, making Tora's attention on him increase even though he had already been watching him. "I'm sorry I didn't stay at the club with you! I'm sorry I left you there alone! Please come back, Tora-shi!"
Each cry was more pitiful and desperate than the last and wrenched another few tears from Tora's eyes. Shou didn't need to apologize; shouldn't be apologizing. Oh how he wanted to just hold him and tell him it was alright. That it wasn't his fault and that there was nothing he could have done to prevent what had happened.
Eventually the doctor told Nao that he should take Shou back to where they were staying and get him calmed down otherwise he risked injuring himself. He was going to call their manager and explain everything, which Nao was grateful that he didn't have to.
Tora eyed the others as they forced Shou out of the room. He made sure to follow, wanting to make sure he lover was still alright even though he knew that the singer was in good hands with the others.
"No! Fucking let me go!" Shou cried out, startling patients in the waiting room as they made their way to the exit. No one questioned what had happened, though, because they could see the tears lining the pale man's features as well as the solemn expressions those dragging him out had. The vocalist wasn't even aware of his own movements at this point, Nao was quite sure. He was kicking and screaming like a child throwing a tantrum. He had already hit Hiroto once right in the chest, making Nao and Saga more cautious about their hold.
Tora slipped through the doors right after them, making sure the doors didn't close before he was out because he knew he couldn't move anything as whatever he was at this point. A ghost? A spirit? He had no clue. Was this what everyone became when they passed away? He didn't see any other people that he could classify as this, but then again, to him they'd look like normal people. Only those alive couldn't see them. It was a strange concept to him, seeing the world without it seeing you.
It was hard for the others to force Shou into the van, but that was no surprise to them or to Tora. The singer didn't want to leave Tora's side even though he was dead and that much was evident. None of them even tried to tell him this, though, because that would only make it worse.
Tora was quick to climb in the van after the others, Nao in the driver's side and Saga and Hiroto in back to hold onto Shou and try to calm him down. It wasn't working, but they were trying. The tall man was crying into Saga's shirt, body shaking like there was no tomorrow as he fought with the knowledge his boyfriend of so long and best friend of even longer was dead and gone. That Tora was never going to come back to him.
"I want Tora-shi!" He sobbed into Saga's shirt, not protesting Hiroto's head lying against his back in sympathy and the smaller man's arms wrapping around his waist from behind to give him more comfort.
Tora watched this all from the passenger's seat where no one was sitting, his gaze fully turned onto Shou and sadness dancing in his eyes that no one could see. Not even the man he so desperately wanted to see them. "I want you too, Shou..." He breathed out, letting a few more silent tears fall down his pale cheeks.
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By the time they all reached the hotel and got back up to their rooms, Shou was exhausted from all his crying. His voice was worn down and his throat was hurting.
Nao tried soothing him by fixing him a cup of tea in the small kitchen their room had, but Shou refused it. When Nao had tried handing it to him, he had just let it slip from his grip and fall to the carpeted floor around his feet. That was only to be expected, though, so with a sigh Nao gently walked Shou over to his bed and sat him down, trying to coax him into laying and getting some sleep. He refused that too, naturally.
Tora was sitting on the bed as well-had been before Nao had even brought Shou over there. He looked at Shou and watched him carefully, trying anything he could to get Shou to see him sitting there. Nothing worked.
"Shou...you're going to have to sleep." Saga spoke up from his place on Nao's bed, hugging Hiroto to him since the small man was tired too and still very upset with what he had witnessed. "Tora would want you to look out for yourself." It was the first time anything had been spoken of the tall guitarist since they had returned and for a moment Saga was worried he was going to get a bad response, but he didn't. Shou just looked to the floor, eyes blank and holding nothing but tiredness and exhaustion by this point.
Then to everyone's surprise-even Tora's-Shou nodded softly in understanding and turned to get under the covers of the bed. Naturally Tora had to get up and he did, standing to the side of the bed and watching pitifully as Shou lay down on his side of the bed, cuddled into his pillow he had used the last night he had been alive.
The others noticed this too, but said nothing. Nao dismissed Saga and Hiroto back to their room and they did as told, wanting nothing more than to sleep this off and get their heads cleared again even though they knew sleep was not going to help.
Once they were gone, Nao locked the door and walked over to his bed. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep with worrying about Shou, but lying down would be a good thing and he desperately needed it by this point.
Tora watched Nao get situated before he sighed and climbed onto the bed with Shou, lying on top of the covers. He laid against Shou's back and even though the singer wouldn't be able to feel it, he placed an arm around him as if to protect him from some unknown threat, or maybe it was just one last effort to make Shou realize he was still alive. Whatever it was, Shou did seem to detect it.
"Tora-shi..." He murmured in his half-asleep daze, turning over and facing Tora, surprising him immensely and making him wonder if Shou could see him.
His arm still held its place over Shou's body and he held his breath to see what Shou was going to do, only to be disappointed by Shou finally falling into slumber. Sighing again he got himself as close as he was able to and continued to hold Shou to him. His head rested on the same pillow as Shou, but it made no indent whatsoever, something he tried not to notice. "I wish...you could see me, Shou." He murmured, kissing the singer's forehead even if he couldn't feel it. "I shouldn't have been so stupid as to get in that fight. I'm sorry."
As had been anticipated, Shou didn't respond to his words. He just slept on, body finally relaxing.
"But I'll always be here, Shou. I'll watch out for you. Be your guardian angel and one day maybe come back to you. Someday...I promise I will. I'll find a way, I swear, Shou. Don't you ever lose hope."
Chapter Five