Ficlet: Amy's Choice (Doctor Who - Amy/Rory)
Title Amy’s Choice
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/ Pairing: Amy Pond, Amy/Rory
Summary: Amy deals with the consequences of A Good Man Goes To War the only way she knows how.
Rating & Warnings: PG13 / spoilers for Doctor Who from Series 6 A Good Man Goes To War onwards and particularly Series 7 Asylum of the Daleks/
[Warnings that could be Spoilers! (click to open)]
child loss/ fertility issues/ relationship breakdown/
Athlete's Note: Set around the Pond Life prequels to Series 7. I’ve not really written Amy before but I’ve seen some comments about her actions in the prequels and Asylum of the Daleks and I wanted to try and put them into some perspective, for myself anyway and I hope this makes sense to others too. 727 words. Written for the pulped_fictions "Someone Else's Sandpit" challenge and posted for members only here.
Amy's Choice
Amy Pond was a mother. It was something she just couldn’t get her head around. She barely even remembered being pregnant and it certainly wasn’t the sort of pregnancy she’d ever expected to have. The few times she’d even thought about it she’d expected that a pregnancy would be like that in the dream world, Rory fussing over her, them painting the nursery and arguing over baby names. She’d never really planned on being a mother at all; at least it wasn’t something she consciously thought about. She was only young after all, plenty of time to be thinking about babies. Travelling with the Doctor was far too exhilarating to be thinking about a more domestic arrangement. But suddenly she was a mother. Suddenly she was so very pregnant and in the throes of labour without really having time to get used to it. It was the scariest labour she could have imagined, a bright white room surrounded by strangers with no Rory to hold her hand. It was painful and horrifying but then there was this small baby in her arms, this little being who looked at her with such big eyes and she felt love like she’d never expected.
Then to have her baby ripped from her arms and not know where she was or what was happening to her. It was fear beyond any she’d ever known. But then there was her daughter standing in front of her in the grown-up form of River Song. That this feisty, strong, mature woman that she’d almost envied for her connection to the Doctor was her baby girl was astounding. Of all the things she’d seen and all the time travel weirdness she’d encountered during her time with the Doctor, River Song being her daughter was the one thing she couldn’t process but at the same time she knew it to be true.
Rory wanted to discuss it, to talk it all through to try and make sense of it. But Amy being Amy just wanted to run away from it, just like she always did. And this time, part of that running away included getting pregnant again, for real this time as she always told herself. Rory had always wanted kids and now she did too. But as the time passed and she began to worry; that something was wrong, that something more had happened to her on Demon’s Run than her baby being stolen. When her doctor broke the bad news, that she would never be able to conceive a child naturally again, she felt herself begin to shut down and to shut Rory out. He wanted to talk about their options, to discuss trying IVF or surrogacy or adoption, but Amy refused. She threw herself into her modelling work as the distance between her and Rory began to grow.
She knew she was hurting him, as she was hurting herself, but running away from her problems had always been her response and she didn’t know what else to do. The loss of her fertility had affected more than she had ever expected. For someone who had never really planned on being a mum, the idea that she’d never be one was devastating. She didn’t know how to handle the idea that she had a daughter out there, who she’d not had the opportunity to raise and who was to all appearances older than she was. She also felt guilty for Rory, who’d always wanted children and who would make a wonderful father. He still could. She began to feel that she was holding him back from living the life he could, the life he deserved. Once she had accepted that thought, then she saw no other solution than to let him go and give him the chance. It broke her heart but she locked it away inside, put a strong face on for the world and made him leave.
When she closed the door on him she felt completely alone. With Rory gone and both the Doctor and River away who knew where, Amy was alone, with no-one to talk to and nothing to do except to just try to get on with her life. To the outside world she was brash and stroppy but inside she was heartbroken, scared and very lonely. She needed the Doctor more than she ever had before.
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/ Pairing: Amy Pond, Amy/Rory
Summary: Amy deals with the consequences of A Good Man Goes To War the only way she knows how.
Rating & Warnings: PG13 / spoilers for Doctor Who from Series 6 A Good Man Goes To War onwards and particularly Series 7 Asylum of the Daleks/
[Warnings that could be Spoilers! (click to open)]
child loss/ fertility issues/ relationship breakdown/
Athlete's Note: Set around the Pond Life prequels to Series 7. I’ve not really written Amy before but I’ve seen some comments about her actions in the prequels and Asylum of the Daleks and I wanted to try and put them into some perspective, for myself anyway and I hope this makes sense to others too. 727 words. Written for the pulped_fictions "Someone Else's Sandpit" challenge and posted for members only here.
Amy's Choice
Amy Pond was a mother. It was something she just couldn’t get her head around. She barely even remembered being pregnant and it certainly wasn’t the sort of pregnancy she’d ever expected to have. The few times she’d even thought about it she’d expected that a pregnancy would be like that in the dream world, Rory fussing over her, them painting the nursery and arguing over baby names. She’d never really planned on being a mother at all; at least it wasn’t something she consciously thought about. She was only young after all, plenty of time to be thinking about babies. Travelling with the Doctor was far too exhilarating to be thinking about a more domestic arrangement. But suddenly she was a mother. Suddenly she was so very pregnant and in the throes of labour without really having time to get used to it. It was the scariest labour she could have imagined, a bright white room surrounded by strangers with no Rory to hold her hand. It was painful and horrifying but then there was this small baby in her arms, this little being who looked at her with such big eyes and she felt love like she’d never expected.
Then to have her baby ripped from her arms and not know where she was or what was happening to her. It was fear beyond any she’d ever known. But then there was her daughter standing in front of her in the grown-up form of River Song. That this feisty, strong, mature woman that she’d almost envied for her connection to the Doctor was her baby girl was astounding. Of all the things she’d seen and all the time travel weirdness she’d encountered during her time with the Doctor, River Song being her daughter was the one thing she couldn’t process but at the same time she knew it to be true.
Rory wanted to discuss it, to talk it all through to try and make sense of it. But Amy being Amy just wanted to run away from it, just like she always did. And this time, part of that running away included getting pregnant again, for real this time as she always told herself. Rory had always wanted kids and now she did too. But as the time passed and she began to worry; that something was wrong, that something more had happened to her on Demon’s Run than her baby being stolen. When her doctor broke the bad news, that she would never be able to conceive a child naturally again, she felt herself begin to shut down and to shut Rory out. He wanted to talk about their options, to discuss trying IVF or surrogacy or adoption, but Amy refused. She threw herself into her modelling work as the distance between her and Rory began to grow.
She knew she was hurting him, as she was hurting herself, but running away from her problems had always been her response and she didn’t know what else to do. The loss of her fertility had affected more than she had ever expected. For someone who had never really planned on being a mum, the idea that she’d never be one was devastating. She didn’t know how to handle the idea that she had a daughter out there, who she’d not had the opportunity to raise and who was to all appearances older than she was. She also felt guilty for Rory, who’d always wanted children and who would make a wonderful father. He still could. She began to feel that she was holding him back from living the life he could, the life he deserved. Once she had accepted that thought, then she saw no other solution than to let him go and give him the chance. It broke her heart but she locked it away inside, put a strong face on for the world and made him leave.
When she closed the door on him she felt completely alone. With Rory gone and both the Doctor and River away who knew where, Amy was alone, with no-one to talk to and nothing to do except to just try to get on with her life. To the outside world she was brash and stroppy but inside she was heartbroken, scared and very lonely. She needed the Doctor more than she ever had before.