I'm home, hi!
I'm back from California now! Woot! I had a lot of fun. I feel like I was there for a month though. But it was still awesome to get away from Shelton for a few days. We didn't do as well as I hoped to, but considering the circumstances, we did alright. We took 2 routines down there, a novelty routine (which was the Beach Boys one) it included all 20 girls, and then a hip hop one that only included 8. (that's the one that I quit a few weeks/months/whatever ago) So we watched some other novelty routines and they were amazing. Well, most of them. Seriously, some of those teams come up with the most creative ideas ever. It so fun to watch! :o) But they also have LOTS of money where they CAN be creative and money isn't an issue so they can just go out and buy cool sets/props/costumes. A majority of the teams there also have choreographers... so here we are, Shelton girls, being led by a few of us that hardly have much dance experience at all, and ran by "coaches" who are really a couple of moms that stepped in a couple months ago because our other coach decided to have a baby and quit. Anyway, my bitterness for that is well done with and anyway, back to my point. We got 7th out of 16 for the beach boys routine and 11th out of 13 on the hip hop routine. Considering the listed circumstances, I think we did alright. There were these girls that were absolutely amazing. I'm either REAAALLLLLY discouraged or REAEAAAALLLLLY encouraged/inspired. Honestly, most of the teams, I don't even compare to their "worst" dancer. And not to mention the fact that all those girls are tall, graceful, skinny, no doubt have years of ballet experience, and are absolutely stunning. And they make it look so effortless. I definately don't fit the "dancer mold", so I can either be inspired to break the mold and learn how to do that stuff and still be short and not skinny, OR be realistic and realize that I don't have the proper training and I'm physically not meant to bed in the dancer world, nor should I waste my time trying for something that won't get me anywhere... I hate dancing. I hate that I'm constantly in a battle whether or not to try to pursue it or give up. I think I'm starting to regret doing it. I've spent a countless amount of hours stressing/preparing about performances and practices and just everything when I could have been doing other things. Dancing doesn't make me a better person. It hasn't made me smarter or funner and it definately has not made me skinnier. I don't know. Like, I'm really not looking for compliments or people to tell me that I need to not quit, because all those comments go through one ear and out the other. And when people do say anything about it, I'm just like, "ok, you have lived in Shelton forever and you don't know the other dancers that are out there that actually know what they are doing. You don't know anything, please stop talking" :/ And it makes looking for a college so hard because I don't know what the heck I want to major in or anything. I don't know if I want to go to a school that has a good dance program or a good psychology program or good law program or whatever! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! asd;fhalewkjfh iewsf And this stuff needs to be figured out before I'm too old and fat to move or do anything. On the other hand I can start working my hiney off, learn all those techniques, train myself to move like that, and never take no for an answer....... ehh. I hate dance. but at the same time I love it. I hate this. And I can't use the advice "follow your dreams" because I don't even know what the heck my dreams are!!! I'm just going to become a missionary and go to Africa and not worry about dancing ever again. Hmm, it would be nice if I knew what I wanted. It would be nice if I could understand half the things going on in my head. I need counseling. I'm really not this dumb... I swear. I need to go to sleep now. I have a massload of homework to do this week and I have to go to work and baseball games in addition to that... gahh. Washington is cold. I miss California... and I wish the freaking gas prices would go down. Mehhhf.