Lost-Our Changing Bodies
There is a wonderful, wonderful thread over at ONTD_lost that has inspired a story that may or may not make you laugh.
Fandom: Lost
Character: Richard, Jacob
Genre: Humor
Rating: 14+ for sex talk.
Summary: Richard can't help but be nonplussed at just how little this ancient man knows- but, then, the only female he had regular contact with was his mother. So when Jacob asks, with all the innocence of a child, how babies are made, Richard does his best to answer.
Richard had never really considered the repercussions of a grown man living for thousands of years by himself until he and Jacob were sitting by the fire under a starry night sky, fifteen years, thirty days and six hours after Jacob had made Richard 'like him', and Jacob suddenly asked him, his deep voice full of innocence, how humans were made and how babies got here.
Richard choked on his wine, coughing for a few seconds, and Jacob just looked at him with that unreadable expression of his. Once Richard could breathe again his turned to the much older man and gasped "What?"
Jacob looked back to the fire with an expression on his face that may have been discomfort. "I asked my mother, once. She said it was something I'd never have to worry about." He glanced at Richard. "I'm curious though."
Richard gave a half-nod and a half-shrug. "Most men are, generally," he said in a voice that only occasionally sounded Spanish.
There was a long and awkward pause while Richard hoped Jacob had forgotten about the question and Jacob just watched Richard.
"So?" he, Jacob, said after a few moments silence and Richard spluttered again.
"I'm- I'm not the person to ask about this, Jacob-"
"You're the only person to ask about this, Richard," replied Jacob in his matter of fact way. Richard took this into consideration and then nodded, before turning himself in the sand to face the blond man, who had the same chill look on his face that he always did.
Richard took a breath and prayed from strength.
"Well, Jacob," he said, feeling very awkward and thinking, privately, that hell would be better than this, "when a boy is fairly young- ten, maybe, to thirteen- eh, things begin happening to him."
Richard was now redder than the flames and Jacob was just looking at him. "He begins to feel.. urges."
No change in expression. Richard began to wonder if Jacob was entirely human.
"You're not making this easy, you know," snapped Richard, and Jacob blinked.
"I'm... sorry?"
Richard glowered at him and Jacob looked slightly taken aback. "I didn't realize this was a sensitive subject, Richard. My apologies."
"It's not sensitive, Jacob. It's just... odd to try to explain this particular process to a grown man."
Jacob looked at him sideways and Richard sighed, running a hand through his long hair. "Let's- let's just get this over with. A baby is made when a man and a woman come together as one."
Don't ask, don't ask-
"How do they come together?"
He asked.
"God put- ah, special body parts on a man, and special parts on a woman, that are made to- to-"
THAT INFURIATING, BLANK LOOK.
"To go- together."
Crickets.
"I don't understand," said Jacob flatly. Richard wanted to pull his hair out.
"Do you want a- a demonstration-?!"
"That would be helpful, yes-"
"NO!" shouted Richard, moving a few inches away from Jacob, who now looked slightly perplexed. "Listen, to me, Jacob. This," he gestured at his groin and then at Jacob's, his patience wearing thin and his face burning. "You know how it gets hard, sometimes?"
Jacob nodded.
"When it does that, it is because you are aroused by something, you understand? Like- by that girl in the village, the one with the blue eyes-"
Jacob stared at him.
"Yes. When it does that, it is because it is ready to be shoved-"
Jacob's brow was furrowing.
"- into the special parts God put on a woman, you understand now?"
Jacob turned and stared into the fire for a few long seconds, his brow furrowed and his mouth open slightly, before turning back to Richard. "And people do this... why?"
Richard leaned forward, a slightly insane grin on his tan and bearded face. "Because it's fun, Jacob."
Jacob stared at him. "Is it only men and women who do this? Can men and other men-"
"NO!" shouted Richard, completely uncomfortable with this turn of topics.
They were lying in the sand an hour later, the fire dying, both of them on the verge of sleep.
"Richard?" came Jacob's voice, gravelly with drowsiness. Richard closed his eyes.
"..yes?"
"What is it that makes you go... hard?"
Richard groaned. "Definitely not all your questions."
The fire crackled.
"I don't understand."
"Go to sleep, Jacob."
the end.
Fandom: Lost
Character: Richard, Jacob
Genre: Humor
Rating: 14+ for sex talk.
Summary: Richard can't help but be nonplussed at just how little this ancient man knows- but, then, the only female he had regular contact with was his mother. So when Jacob asks, with all the innocence of a child, how babies are made, Richard does his best to answer.
Richard had never really considered the repercussions of a grown man living for thousands of years by himself until he and Jacob were sitting by the fire under a starry night sky, fifteen years, thirty days and six hours after Jacob had made Richard 'like him', and Jacob suddenly asked him, his deep voice full of innocence, how humans were made and how babies got here.
Richard choked on his wine, coughing for a few seconds, and Jacob just looked at him with that unreadable expression of his. Once Richard could breathe again his turned to the much older man and gasped "What?"
Jacob looked back to the fire with an expression on his face that may have been discomfort. "I asked my mother, once. She said it was something I'd never have to worry about." He glanced at Richard. "I'm curious though."
Richard gave a half-nod and a half-shrug. "Most men are, generally," he said in a voice that only occasionally sounded Spanish.
There was a long and awkward pause while Richard hoped Jacob had forgotten about the question and Jacob just watched Richard.
"So?" he, Jacob, said after a few moments silence and Richard spluttered again.
"I'm- I'm not the person to ask about this, Jacob-"
"You're the only person to ask about this, Richard," replied Jacob in his matter of fact way. Richard took this into consideration and then nodded, before turning himself in the sand to face the blond man, who had the same chill look on his face that he always did.
Richard took a breath and prayed from strength.
"Well, Jacob," he said, feeling very awkward and thinking, privately, that hell would be better than this, "when a boy is fairly young- ten, maybe, to thirteen- eh, things begin happening to him."
Richard was now redder than the flames and Jacob was just looking at him. "He begins to feel.. urges."
No change in expression. Richard began to wonder if Jacob was entirely human.
"You're not making this easy, you know," snapped Richard, and Jacob blinked.
"I'm... sorry?"
Richard glowered at him and Jacob looked slightly taken aback. "I didn't realize this was a sensitive subject, Richard. My apologies."
"It's not sensitive, Jacob. It's just... odd to try to explain this particular process to a grown man."
Jacob looked at him sideways and Richard sighed, running a hand through his long hair. "Let's- let's just get this over with. A baby is made when a man and a woman come together as one."
Don't ask, don't ask-
"How do they come together?"
He asked.
"God put- ah, special body parts on a man, and special parts on a woman, that are made to- to-"
THAT INFURIATING, BLANK LOOK.
"To go- together."
Crickets.
"I don't understand," said Jacob flatly. Richard wanted to pull his hair out.
"Do you want a- a demonstration-?!"
"That would be helpful, yes-"
"NO!" shouted Richard, moving a few inches away from Jacob, who now looked slightly perplexed. "Listen, to me, Jacob. This," he gestured at his groin and then at Jacob's, his patience wearing thin and his face burning. "You know how it gets hard, sometimes?"
Jacob nodded.
"When it does that, it is because you are aroused by something, you understand? Like- by that girl in the village, the one with the blue eyes-"
Jacob stared at him.
"Yes. When it does that, it is because it is ready to be shoved-"
Jacob's brow was furrowing.
"- into the special parts God put on a woman, you understand now?"
Jacob turned and stared into the fire for a few long seconds, his brow furrowed and his mouth open slightly, before turning back to Richard. "And people do this... why?"
Richard leaned forward, a slightly insane grin on his tan and bearded face. "Because it's fun, Jacob."
Jacob stared at him. "Is it only men and women who do this? Can men and other men-"
"NO!" shouted Richard, completely uncomfortable with this turn of topics.
They were lying in the sand an hour later, the fire dying, both of them on the verge of sleep.
"Richard?" came Jacob's voice, gravelly with drowsiness. Richard closed his eyes.
"..yes?"
"What is it that makes you go... hard?"
Richard groaned. "Definitely not all your questions."
The fire crackled.
"I don't understand."
"Go to sleep, Jacob."
the end.