Inside the Mind and Life...
Okay, so I'm begging time to stop for a few hours! PLEASE! I'm on my knees, with invisible tears scrolling down my face and pleading for more time. My vacation can't be over by midnight, just can't be. I still need to write more, play more games, and do more stuff. Can anyone hear me? How about if I bang my hands on the ground and fight for time to slow down. No? Okay, I'm getting up, defeated with dry tears. I'm going to complain now until I go to work on Monday. I hate the fact that a whole week has gone by and it only feels like a day or two has passed. Damn it. Oh well.
I was thinking a lot today about live journal and the main purpose of getting back on the blogging/ journal scene again. I had a blog on MSN spaces a few years ago and I believe that it was fate because I met the love of my life on that website. Even though things are a bit bleak, things always bounce back. I always try to stay optimistic. I always loved the fact that I had a release of thoughts and theories and I found a few open minded souls that were the friendliest and kindest people I've ever met. It's nice to see that other people who you never met, care and put time into what you have to say even though they think you're a bit a nutcase but hung around to see what you had to say. I didn't want to go back to MSN Spaces because it's not the same over there anymore. Even if no one stops by here it's okay. I can still talk to the walls of the Internet. I never had a huge amount of friends. I could always count them on hand throughout my life. It's really hard to find good friends, or just friends period who understand me and are open minded.
I was going to post a 101 things entry about me but that seems a bit trite. So I'll write out a little bio about myself here. Okay... here we go.
My real name is Katherine and I'm a Sagittarius. I'm about to turn 25 on 12/9, and I'm very thankful that my birthday is at the end of the year because I don't want to turn 25. I feel like I'm getting old which isn't a bad thing but I don't like it. However, I going to do something big, something... grandiose, something out of this world! Every milestone has to be larger then life because you only turn that age once. On my 21st I booked a hotel in the city, a floor down from the penthouse and had the time of my life for two days. It was beautiful to say the least. Now I'm going to go Skydiving. Every person I told this to either gave me a disapproving or disbelieving look. I don't care. I do whatever I want, when I to do it. I plan on videotaping it too, so I hope I can save enough cash to actually do this. A little on my background, I was raised by my mom and grandmother and I have one brother. My father died when I was 11, which had a huge impact on my life, a few years later, when I came to discover a few things about myself and life in general. I didn't have anyone really explain death to me, until I realized it after a few other things happened later on in my life. I believe he's having the time of his life in the afterlife. Always smiling, well, hopefully he is in peace. We only had a few moments together in this life but I will always treasure each one. I went a little crazy a few months ago but I think I finally got over his death in June. It only took it 13 years. Sad isn't it... I wrote letters to him, expecting he would respond. I would try to talk to him, I would vision places inside my mind that I would meet him and talk. Everything really started when I went to college and was on my own for the first time. I'm so happy for him though. I think death is a beautiful thing, but I'm horrified of it. Death, Planes, and Roaches are my three top fears. I plan on getting rid of the second one when I go skydiving.
I love Astrology, I'm hopelessly addicted to it. I use to study that and nature for years. As in studying nature, I would call myself a wiccan but I stopped studying when I was 22 but I held on to some of the beliefs. I grew up in a Christian home but it wasn't for me. Just being in that home wasn't for me. I don't think any religion is for me. I just believe in nature and that's about it. I don't like labels much. But I've always been called weird and crazy, and I really don't mind that because I know I am in some ways.
I am a very passionate and obsessive type of person. I put my soul into any and every thing I love or want to pursue. I use to drink Mountain Dew for 10 years straight. I didn't drink another soda, water, ice tea, nothing unless I was forced, as in there were no other options left to drink. I stopped abruptly when I decided to it was time to let go. I was working out a lot and trying to get into shape and it wasn't working. I would do the same thing for food. I would eat tuna every single day until I had a dream where tuna was in a nasty form and I got sick from it. Writing... oh writing, it's been a long and hard struggle. I've been writing all my life. I can't stop writing. I can't breathe without writing. I believe it's my purpose and I'll get mentally sick if I go long periods without writing at all. I would get depressed in an instant. I use to write Fan fiction for Sailor moon. Sailor Jupiter was my favorite soldier. She was a Saggie and I loved her personality. She was very much underrated. I am in the process of writing a book. It has a lot of philosophy aspects in it. Nature plays a big part of the story and some parts could be a semi biography but it's not really. I've been writing this book for the past 4 years I think. I have over 50 pages in total complete but from different chapters. It's been slow.
I think I would consider myself as a bisexual, or in the words of Samantha Jones (From sex and the city) a trysexual, meaning I'll try anything once. I'm just an open minded individual, and I don't think love should be restricted by gender. I do believe that I found my soul mate within my guy but I also believe that nothing last forever. And maybe a person could have more then one soul mate in life. I keep a lot of things secret in my life because I don't feel many people would understand and in my experience it's true. I've had a lot of problems in my past. I've been self destructive most of life. Had a bad childhood/teenage years (Starting from the age of 10) I blame it on being enrolled in a middle school that was very violent. Fights almost every day. It was crazy. I'll never forget it. If it wasn't on the floor I was on it was on another floor. I heard it's not like that anymore. In my personal experience I was abused a lot during that time. I became highly secretive around that time and kept to myself. Being alone and stuck inside my head. I never found much common ground with family and was rather distant with them on personal issues.
I've tried killing myself a number of times, and I almost succeeded about two years ago. I lost two friends because of that, and no one in my family knows about this. I've had problems with my stomach ever since. I never told anyone about those problems except my love. I'm getting better now. I stopped taking pills for the most part, mostly for him and to get better. Everyone has their vices. Right now, I don't have any, which is definitely a shift from a few years ago. I try to sleep when I'm stressed or play a game or read a book. A year ago I use to work out like crazy. I'm a work in progress.
I use to be a runner. I worked in a gym for 2 and half years and it sparked my interest in running. I ran a 5k last May and I signed up for a half marathon, trained for it but I didn't go through with it because I was really stressed out from leaving the job unepectedly and the new job had a different, more stressful schedule. Hopefully in 09 I'll get back in the game. I love running. The most I ever did was 10 miles. I've been overwieght most of my life and that was a huge accomplishment for me.
I'm an observer of life and people. I love to get to know someone's insides. I love finding out all the depths of someone and just life and nature itself. I love music just as much as I love nature and writing. It's my muse, love, and angel. I love to explore anything outside of the norm. I'm just naturally drawn to anything that's different. I love to explore this within music and movies. Movies are like my best friends. When I was living on my own I would constantly watch movies. My tv would be playing something on repeat throughout the night while I'm sleeping. I've been living on my own officially since I was 21. Unofficially, since I was 17. I was in school and didn't have much support from family, but I would go back there on holidays. I've been working since I was 16. I didn't finish school but I was originally going for Physics, then Computers, but if I went back I would go for writing.
I'm a bit of an impulsive person. My guy says I'm very impulsive. Always Broke... but if someone asks me if I'm down for drinks or getting a tattoo, I would go even if I have a few dollars to my name. Called my best friend up one night, bored out of my mind and she asked me if I wanted to get a tattoo. I said, hell yeah, and I went. I have five tattoo's and I did have a navel and tongue ring. I plan on getting four more tattoos, since my favorite number ever is nine. I love that number so much. I have the number nine on my wrist. I love when people say that getting tattoo's is unnecessary or ridiculous. Yeah... can you say that about having drinks or smoking or anything else that people don't really need to do or have in their lives. It just makes me see how judgmental some people are. I use to be against smoking but it makes no sense now, so I'm not. I just don't like the smell too much. You do whatever floats your boat. I use to drink a lot a few years back, now I drink when I'm social or on the weekends.
I love playing video games. My favorite games are Final Fantasy 10 and God of War 2. I can't wait until the third one comes out, along with Final Fantasy 13. I use to make music videos about final fantasy but I stopped because it got way too stressful. I also use to web design and I stopped doing that because I'm way too much of a perfectionist to keep doing that. I would get headaches each time I did a design for my old site.
I can be a slob but in all honesty, I love it when my apartment looks clean, and whenever things get messy I have to fix it, so I guess I'm not really a true slob. I love to vacuum. I hate doing the dishes though. Plastic plates all the way!
Well... let's see, one weird admission. I love to eat tissues. Please don't ask me why. It started when I was little and I haven't outgrown it yet. I am slightly ashamed but I really don't care. I love the taste.
I hate bikes, I was ran over by one when I was little. My eyes were blurry so I couldn't see who did it but I think it was a female. Every single person I told this story to has laughed. I thought it was traumatizing. I skidded underneath my grandmother's car and the neighbors had to call my mother outside to help me. But I got myself out before my mother came outside. Ever since then I detested bikes. I hate kids in the same fashion. I was forced to babysit my cousin during the summers a few years back and she tormented me. I was the youngest and I was rarely around children until she came along and she left a bad impression on children with me.
I... love, love, and love, coffee. I could drink ice or hot coffee every day. I toned down a lot though recently. I am also a vegetarian. I've been one for over 2 and half years. I love being one and I don't miss meat or have any desire in eating meat in the future. I was a member of PETA but I haven't renewed my membership yet for this year, and it's August. I feel bad. I'm trying really hard to become vegan but I love chocolate and pizza too much. One day this year, I hope.I was one for two weeks though. It takes a lot of dedication and hours at the market, looking at labels!
I love reading books. I'am trying to find a book club that I like that features mostly a combination of romance and science fiction/ psychological thriller. Plus, philosophy... I adore philosophy. I would say my favorite book is the Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger but I hated the ending. I would say that I loved A Scanner Darkly by PKD, but I also hated the ending of that book. So I think it's a toss up with Counter Clock World by PKD and Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. Oh, and also Random Acts of Senseless Violence by Jack Womack.I highly recommend everyone reading Random Acts of Senselss Violence. It's a great book.
I hate TV!!! I use to love it, but now I detest it! I'm an eighties child and back then there was quality, lots of it, but now everything seems downgraded to a simpleton level. Okay, that was harsh but in my opinion I don't like tv. There's a few things I might watch but the majority of the time, I won't watch any tv shows. I don't have cable and have no desire in wasting my money to get it. I'm a movie gal ultimately. However, I do love football and I have to watch it. It's a neccesity that I have a tv for that purpose.
I love everything about the eightes! The music, movies, hair, clothes, everything!!!! It was the decade of FLAMBOYANCE! I was born on the day of flamboyance so it goes hand in hand. EIGHTES BABY!!!!
Anything else? Not at the moment, I think... Basically, I'm a fun loving, open minded eccentric, who believes in alternate realities and anything within nature.