(no subject)
I know that it’s impossible to feel happy and cheerful, positive and optimistic all the time, but why do I have to feel depressed and anxious, sad and angry, and pessimistic and negative all the time? Why can’t I feel content and normal most of the time? Am I doing something wrong? Is it my medication or diet, or do I drink too much coffee?
Even on Monday, when I got up early, brushed my teeth, ate a decent breakfast, went to the gym, did housework, and did all my favorite hobbies like knitting and writing. And I still felt worse than usual.
I started to feel angry for no reason at all. The angry feeling would have been easier to understand if I had had a reason for said anger, but I didn’t.
It couldn’t have been low blood sugar, because I have eaten well today.
I took a tranquillizer, and it made me feel like I was wading around in soggy oatmeal.
I have this fear that everything I eat or drink affects and physical health in some way.
Someone would tell me that I should go out and do things rather than stay inside and feel sorry about myself, but even if I went outside and had fun, at some point I would still have to return inside my home.
I suffer from depression, and if I go to the gym or art museum, I will be depressed there. There is just no way to detach my mind from my brain.
And even if I am happy when I go to the gym or art museum, I still have to return back home. And I will be depressed again.
I am mainly worried about my future; will I be able to get a degree and a job? Will I lose my housing benefit and apartment, because I gave shelter to a friend who would otherwise have ended up on the streets? Will I ever find my one true love, and if I do, how can I know it’s true? Will I end up crippled, sick, homeless, raped? Will I be tortured for an eternity after I die?
Even on Monday, when I got up early, brushed my teeth, ate a decent breakfast, went to the gym, did housework, and did all my favorite hobbies like knitting and writing. And I still felt worse than usual.
I started to feel angry for no reason at all. The angry feeling would have been easier to understand if I had had a reason for said anger, but I didn’t.
It couldn’t have been low blood sugar, because I have eaten well today.
I took a tranquillizer, and it made me feel like I was wading around in soggy oatmeal.
I have this fear that everything I eat or drink affects and physical health in some way.
Someone would tell me that I should go out and do things rather than stay inside and feel sorry about myself, but even if I went outside and had fun, at some point I would still have to return inside my home.
I suffer from depression, and if I go to the gym or art museum, I will be depressed there. There is just no way to detach my mind from my brain.
And even if I am happy when I go to the gym or art museum, I still have to return back home. And I will be depressed again.
I am mainly worried about my future; will I be able to get a degree and a job? Will I lose my housing benefit and apartment, because I gave shelter to a friend who would otherwise have ended up on the streets? Will I ever find my one true love, and if I do, how can I know it’s true? Will I end up crippled, sick, homeless, raped? Will I be tortured for an eternity after I die?