eep
I feel like I am wasting my time. Days go past and become memories, and all I ever do is guzzle coffee and fiddle with my smartphone.
The only things preventing me from fulfilling my dreams and living my best life, is too much anxiety and too little money.
I’ll be 30 years old at the end of this year, and I have never succeeded.
On Friday I got up and logged in to the online bank account. Yep, there it was, the measly income. I immediately went to the cash machine to withdraw it, and went to the dressmaker to pick up my mended clothes. I paid for them, and left three other articles of clothing to be mended.
Then I went shopping to the supermarket and bought only the necessary amount of food.
I went home feeling a bit downcast and morose, now that all the money was gone and I could barely afford the bare minimum.
Once back home, I put my shopping to their rightful places. I had lunch, and felt weird; like I was lost somewhere between my past and future, like Sylvia Plath felt about the fig tree.
I decided to take a nap, at least it would help me calm down.
I got up after five hours, and decided to head to eastern Helsinki. On my way there, I bought a cinnamon roll, and a bottle of organic cocoa made with coconut milk. They tasted good, and actually made me feel guilty for wasting my measly income, and fattening myself.
I went to a shopping mall and visited a few clothing and jewelry and cosmetic shops, and then I went back home.
Today I woke up after having a nightmare, I had gone to a toy department in the local supermarket, and two little girls bullied me. I had my revenge by biting the other girl’s hand, and her mother berated me for it. I had another nightmare where I was running through a nightmarish forest.
I got up in the morning, took my morning medicine, took a shower and got dressed.
I didn’t bother with breakfast.
I went to see my mom, she gave me money for visiting the aquarium tomorrow. My parents were heading out for errands, so I left pretty quickly and traveled back home.
Once there, I ate lunch and brushed my teeth. I also replaced the towels, took the sheets off my bed, and took the blanket, pillow, and mattress to the balcony.
I left again, and took out the trash.
I went to visit Helsinki, and bought a new deodorant on my way there. It’s roll- on and smells like sweet talcum powder.
Once in Helsinki, I went to visit a photography museum. I had a good time there, and didn’t have any delusions at all, and forgot about my problems.
I traveled to my home town, and visited the shopping mall.
I met my mother there, she invited me to a café. My dad was there as well, he seemed to be happy to see me. He also gave me 20 euros.
I had an iced coffee, and shared a pastry with my mother.
I went back to the shopping mall and bought a big box of panty- liners, and some fruit juices and a small jar of blueberries.
Now that I think about it, I should do something about my spendthrift ways. I seem to be tempted to waste all the money I have, but it’s because buying stuff makes me feel happy, and I always try to hang on to whatever keeps me happy.
I went back home, and continued to feel weird for the rest of the day. Nevertheless, I managed to wash the windows, wash a load of dishes, and also wash two loads of laundry. I also hoovered the floor.
In the evening I read articles about the video game Silent Hill 2 on the game’s wikia article, and listened to music. I also read an article about a serial killer on Wikipedia, and it triggered me so badly that I felt weird for the rest of the evening.
If I had read that article during my horror movie period in 2005 - 2007, I wouldn’t have minded. I have become more sensitive these days.
Tomorrow I will go visit the aquarium with a friend, and then I will go to my parents’ home for Mother’s day. I will also call my granny.
The only things preventing me from fulfilling my dreams and living my best life, is too much anxiety and too little money.
I’ll be 30 years old at the end of this year, and I have never succeeded.
On Friday I got up and logged in to the online bank account. Yep, there it was, the measly income. I immediately went to the cash machine to withdraw it, and went to the dressmaker to pick up my mended clothes. I paid for them, and left three other articles of clothing to be mended.
Then I went shopping to the supermarket and bought only the necessary amount of food.
I went home feeling a bit downcast and morose, now that all the money was gone and I could barely afford the bare minimum.
Once back home, I put my shopping to their rightful places. I had lunch, and felt weird; like I was lost somewhere between my past and future, like Sylvia Plath felt about the fig tree.
I decided to take a nap, at least it would help me calm down.
I got up after five hours, and decided to head to eastern Helsinki. On my way there, I bought a cinnamon roll, and a bottle of organic cocoa made with coconut milk. They tasted good, and actually made me feel guilty for wasting my measly income, and fattening myself.
I went to a shopping mall and visited a few clothing and jewelry and cosmetic shops, and then I went back home.
Today I woke up after having a nightmare, I had gone to a toy department in the local supermarket, and two little girls bullied me. I had my revenge by biting the other girl’s hand, and her mother berated me for it. I had another nightmare where I was running through a nightmarish forest.
I got up in the morning, took my morning medicine, took a shower and got dressed.
I didn’t bother with breakfast.
I went to see my mom, she gave me money for visiting the aquarium tomorrow. My parents were heading out for errands, so I left pretty quickly and traveled back home.
Once there, I ate lunch and brushed my teeth. I also replaced the towels, took the sheets off my bed, and took the blanket, pillow, and mattress to the balcony.
I left again, and took out the trash.
I went to visit Helsinki, and bought a new deodorant on my way there. It’s roll- on and smells like sweet talcum powder.
Once in Helsinki, I went to visit a photography museum. I had a good time there, and didn’t have any delusions at all, and forgot about my problems.
I traveled to my home town, and visited the shopping mall.
I met my mother there, she invited me to a café. My dad was there as well, he seemed to be happy to see me. He also gave me 20 euros.
I had an iced coffee, and shared a pastry with my mother.
I went back to the shopping mall and bought a big box of panty- liners, and some fruit juices and a small jar of blueberries.
Now that I think about it, I should do something about my spendthrift ways. I seem to be tempted to waste all the money I have, but it’s because buying stuff makes me feel happy, and I always try to hang on to whatever keeps me happy.
I went back home, and continued to feel weird for the rest of the day. Nevertheless, I managed to wash the windows, wash a load of dishes, and also wash two loads of laundry. I also hoovered the floor.
In the evening I read articles about the video game Silent Hill 2 on the game’s wikia article, and listened to music. I also read an article about a serial killer on Wikipedia, and it triggered me so badly that I felt weird for the rest of the evening.
If I had read that article during my horror movie period in 2005 - 2007, I wouldn’t have minded. I have become more sensitive these days.
Tomorrow I will go visit the aquarium with a friend, and then I will go to my parents’ home for Mother’s day. I will also call my granny.