You don’t have forever
Saying goodbye is hard, letting go is even harder.
Even when letting go is the only thing you can do. This year has been a very long year. I’ve cried more tears over people, over relationships in general then I probably have in the past ten years combined. I’ve lost so much this year.... not just John or Trent but friends, connections, relationships, pleasure in things I once had and just with life in general. I feel like Gods purpose this year was to bring me to my knees, to make me realize that I don’t need anyone but Him to do this thing called Life. In a way, it is like God has taken just about everyone from me that I had grown to love. With each goodbye, the pain grew greater and the letting go became harder.
It’s been about a month now since I walked away from Trent. I won’t lie and pretend that my heart does not miss him because I do. So many times I have wanted to tell him something only to remember that he’s not there anymore and never will be again. I saw John again who was reffing my daughters game, and all I could think was that I would give anything to see Trent like this. At least with John, I can physically see that things are well with him... with Trent is different. With Trent it’s like he’s faded into nothingness.. he’s just...gone. I will never know how he is doing again. I will never tell him anything again. I don’t know how he is doing or what is happening with his life. And that’s hard for my brain, my heart, my emotions who for some reason still love that man, to accept. That Trent is just now nothing.
The hardest thing is not talking to someone you used to talk to everyday.
Cause you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t!