(no subject)
yeah nevermind. this year could suck. i can't go to college next year or something. my mom won't sign a parent plus loan, and i can't take out enough in my name to afford school. you're considered a dependent of your parents until your 24 and thus their income i taken into account with your financial aid. meaning: i only get loans, no grants free money whatevs. i probably wont have my scholarship next year and even if i do i probably still can't pay. and the next year after that either... i cant file under my dad because my mom makes more money so i'm considered her dependent and she claims me on her taxes. i can't emancipate myself because you have to do that when you're a minor. i have to get married join the military or have a baby if i want to go to college. i could move home even though im in a lease and try to find a job in new baltimore and pay for my school and somehow drive to detroit 4 days a week which really doesnt make sense either. thats 3 or 4 days completely shot just driving and going to school, i could never make enough money. i cant not stress out over this right now. its weighing so heavy on me. my mom suggested just not going to school for a year and saving, but i don't want to do that. people that take a year off seem to never go back. look at my siblings...years later after "taking a year off" still working the same jobs, haven't saved up a penny for school. i just want to keep in the swing of things i can't imagine just working my 9/hr job not really aspiring to anything else. my mom won't sign it because she doesn't want more debt. she doesn't believe that i would pay her back. because i've missed a few months on my car insurance. she thinks i spend a ton of money on myself every month and that i always pay her last and she isn't an important bill. i guess i can try to understand that. but i feel like i worked so hard in high school and no matter what i somehow got good grades because i knew i wanted to be in college, and my parents made it seem like i was obviously going to go. my mom even helped pay my first year, and i am so grateful. but now she seems to not care either way if any of my siblings and i go to school. she has her future to worry about. my dad has no money but i can't file under him so thats pointless. i can't help but feel like a victim, and i know i should just suck it up but i feel so stuck. i feel like a shitty person for being bad at paying my mom apparently, and she claims she sees how hard i try, but i don't believe it. i guess i'm just not going to spend a single penny on anything i don't absolutely need, pray nothing happens to my car, and see how much i can save up. i feel like throwing up and yes...smashing my head against a concrete wall. and no, thinking of happy memories doesn't seem to help when my future is at stake.