One not so good thing going on...

[katphyre]

It's a long story and too hard to write about yet, but two weeks ago my son Jacob made the choice to go and live with my sister who is about 45 minutes away from us. He's 12. My heart is breaking into a million stabbing shards and there's nothing I can do about because right now I want him to see that I recognize the problems he has here, and

Comments

[kiwi_kimi]

This must be really hard for you. You're torn in multiple directions, and there's only so much of you to go around. What you're doing, making sure that Jacob's time with you is positive, and seeing what you can do to make things smoother at home, sound great. But try not to demand perfection of yourself.

I don't know if this helps at all (probably not), but in earlier times, when families were often living close to the edge in terms of health or other life stresses, it was fairly common for kids to move about within the extended family, often spending quite long periods of time living in another household. People would not have thought of this as implying failure or rejection on anyone's part; it was just a way of making things work a little bit better when life was hard. Of course a major difference between then and now is that back then such choices would have been made by adults, not children, but these days we tend to give kids more agency.

I'm sure Jacob still knows you love him, and that he loves you. And on some level, perhaps he thinks he's making life a bit easier for you by taking some time away, so it's a sign of his love, not rejection.