bleghers
hey. God i need a new journal. Like a bought one please,sheesh. Things are going great. Why am i sort of miserable? Yesterday was the WORST day of my life and i didn't even know why.No i do know why i ahd a TAKE HOME FINAL and got a 80 on it. yes something that most people got 90's and 100's...i get an 80. I commend myself on being a fun, interesting, smart girl and a barrel of creativity however I've been in college since before i could remember and still feel the same. Progress not being my best subject. It's just people around me especially my own boyfriend is full of accomplishments and talents and they seem to come so easy to them. My problem is i compare myself to him and everyone else i know way ahead of myself in school and think, "shit im so behind." Maybe i suffer from severe laziness?????????????
My sister tells me "oh he's good for you, he'll push you and inspire you." Fuck that i want a equality, loving, zero competition and understanding, not a mentor/life coach. Im so utterly confused about what to do and say. I mean we have some of the best conversations about everything and nothing. He'll watch me dance for hours and hours and love every minute of it, even dance with me which is so hard to find in a great guy. You absolutley can go to any bar around here grab a thug and grind on them but i would never be caught doing that. IM talking about wonderful cheesy, drunken, weddding style, hippy...dancing. Blah bLah blah i could go on forever. I keep thinking though i don't want to fall really hard....disappoint him or lose him due to my own insecurities. So i make excuses. then i try to chill out and let a good thing go on. IM scared man. terrified. How do i get myself into des dings. Christmas is in 5 days which is exciting. In 5 years will i be all done with school and moved out with a teaching job? ugh. I guess i should pretend im responsisble and pay my car insurance on time. ill be back to complain soon enough don't you worry brotha man. P.S. New york (long island rather) Expensive, but de people are rather cheap. Tipping i always viewed as a important thing. You like to be tipped big, when u get tipped or extra cash for something right? So do as you wish to be done to you. Oh and to Mr. kearney that's for teaching me little to nothing for the nyc class but your columbia stories, i kept gettin lost in the city for A WHOLE SUNDAy. i fixed my glasses today. I cleaned my room last night. Time to stufy for my last final. free movie tomm. nothing thursay. fri. gee i gg. i babble. i want to move to a different state. i want to know NOBODY AND SEE HOW I DO. who am i with zero known influences. have a good evening.
My sister tells me "oh he's good for you, he'll push you and inspire you." Fuck that i want a equality, loving, zero competition and understanding, not a mentor/life coach. Im so utterly confused about what to do and say. I mean we have some of the best conversations about everything and nothing. He'll watch me dance for hours and hours and love every minute of it, even dance with me which is so hard to find in a great guy. You absolutley can go to any bar around here grab a thug and grind on them but i would never be caught doing that. IM talking about wonderful cheesy, drunken, weddding style, hippy...dancing. Blah bLah blah i could go on forever. I keep thinking though i don't want to fall really hard....disappoint him or lose him due to my own insecurities. So i make excuses. then i try to chill out and let a good thing go on. IM scared man. terrified. How do i get myself into des dings. Christmas is in 5 days which is exciting. In 5 years will i be all done with school and moved out with a teaching job? ugh. I guess i should pretend im responsisble and pay my car insurance on time. ill be back to complain soon enough don't you worry brotha man. P.S. New york (long island rather) Expensive, but de people are rather cheap. Tipping i always viewed as a important thing. You like to be tipped big, when u get tipped or extra cash for something right? So do as you wish to be done to you. Oh and to Mr. kearney that's for teaching me little to nothing for the nyc class but your columbia stories, i kept gettin lost in the city for A WHOLE SUNDAy. i fixed my glasses today. I cleaned my room last night. Time to stufy for my last final. free movie tomm. nothing thursay. fri. gee i gg. i babble. i want to move to a different state. i want to know NOBODY AND SEE HOW I DO. who am i with zero known influences. have a good evening.