I dreamed a dream, so much has changed.
I should be on the top of the world, but I don't feel like it. To everyone else, it seems like I have everything going for me, but it just doesn't feel right- nothing feels right right now. Maybe this is the way I am, nothing will ever be good enough. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I shouldn't sit here over-analyzing everything. I'm always the first to pick myself apart, I really need to stop.
I spent the past eleven months trying to get back to normal after I hit my breaking point. I've let go of all the skeletons in my closet and moved on. That's why I feel like I should be on the top of my game. Sometimes I wonder how much of your past you're supposed to let go. I think I try to let it all go- I don't want to feel like that again, but I feel like all I'm doing is making myself into this apathetic-seeming individual. I'm not.
The Katie I envision in my mind always feels like such a far-cry from the person I really am. Why do I put up all these walls? I keep everyone out. Honestly, what comes to mind when you think of me? A goof-ball, always joking around, smiling. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love that reputation. But shouldn't your internal sense of self reflect the person you project? It really doesn't. I'm not always joking, I have my serious moments, I have my sad moments. No one ever seems to realize that, and I know that's no one's fault but my own.
I don't know anymore, I just don't. There's days like today where I just want to pack up and start over because god knows, I didn't pull it off this time...
I spent the past eleven months trying to get back to normal after I hit my breaking point. I've let go of all the skeletons in my closet and moved on. That's why I feel like I should be on the top of my game. Sometimes I wonder how much of your past you're supposed to let go. I think I try to let it all go- I don't want to feel like that again, but I feel like all I'm doing is making myself into this apathetic-seeming individual. I'm not.
The Katie I envision in my mind always feels like such a far-cry from the person I really am. Why do I put up all these walls? I keep everyone out. Honestly, what comes to mind when you think of me? A goof-ball, always joking around, smiling. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love that reputation. But shouldn't your internal sense of self reflect the person you project? It really doesn't. I'm not always joking, I have my serious moments, I have my sad moments. No one ever seems to realize that, and I know that's no one's fault but my own.
I don't know anymore, I just don't. There's days like today where I just want to pack up and start over because god knows, I didn't pull it off this time...