Fire Island National Seashore

[katieblueeyes]

We collected the shells
over a month ago
when you came to visit me at my parent's house
but it wasn't right,
because i had my toes in the tide
and you were smoking a cigarette
near the boardwalk
facing the lighthouse
us both crying
because we thought it was the end
of something,
the waves founding fists
in static sounds
that drowned out my voice
as I called for you to come
visit the ocean
with me
and hold my hand.

Last weekend,
I washed the shells
in your bathroom sink.
I found them in your car
behind the driver's seat
and held them up to my nose
to smell the scents
of being a little girl again
in a bathing suit
that was meant to be practical
instead of sexy
my hair still blond,
my skin painted pink
from afternoons in the sun
building sandcastles
with my best friend
and screaming
because the jelly fish were scary.

Do you remember when
you were younger,
and the fun thing to do
in the summertime
was to chase the Ice Cream Man
on your ten-speed
with the neighborhood kids
and buy a cherry-flavored Italian Ice
with your allowance money?

I wish I knew you then.