runnin' around
This past week has been amazing. Exactly, for the most part, what the doctor ordered.
Finished up my exams last Friday. I'm done with the most hellish semester of my life, thank God. It's done, it's over, and I just need to pray to God that I did well. Drove to GR and got absolutely shit faced with Tom and Russ. I drank 1 beer at their place, 2 Stellas, one shot, and one vodka cranberry, and I could hardly stand. The boys had to offer some assistance so I could leave. Got back, thought I was going to be sick, and Tom stayed with me in the bathroom for like, 20 minutes until I felt like I wasn't going to puke. Then I started to cry to him about Doug. I can't remember what I said; only that I was crying about him. Ended up passing out with my clothes on. Made Tom take me to McDonald's in the morning so I could have some greasy goodness. Learned having a hangover + getting my hair high lighted is not a good combination.
Sunday went to the Zoo to spend time with Kelsey! I saw her, and wanted to cry. My best friend finally back in the flesh. Sarah was there, too, so the three of us ran around town doing errands. Did some bonding with Sandy and Gary. Lil beer pong action (I was a spectator) with some guys Kelsey knew. Monday she and I stayed in bed until 1:30 and it was pretty glorious, being lazy like that. Ran some errands. Ended up going to Gallagher's and we had Hoegaardans and hung out with Sarah, one of Sarah's co workers there, and we finally met the infamous Nick Foley. LoL. Tuesday, we were bums again for awhile. ran some errands. went to the mall. went to dinner with one of Kelsey's male friends, Ryan. She and I had bought a gingerbread house kit, and ended up making a gingerbread bar. It was pretty sweet. :-)
Wednesday, took off and went to Detroit to see my Eesha. When I saw her, I thought I was going to cry. another one of my best friends was back. we hugged and screamed and talked a mile a minute about Germany and just life. Went to the mall so I could buy some presents for the family. ate dinner. Went to Woody's in Royal Oak and met Terry there. I thought it would have been weird, going to the bar with him, because we hadn't hung out since like, oh February of last year, but it wasn't at all. We drank (the bar had Stella!), played pool, played the race car game, and had a good time. I always had so much fun hanging out with him, and I am glad to say that it hadn't changed. Maybe now we can work on being friends, actual friends. Thursday we were bums, watching lots of Desperate Housewives. Met Annie and her friend Rachel for dinner. I hadn't seen my lil since April and it was wonderful to see her again. I miss her a ton. Went back, got ready to head to the bar in Novi with Josh and some of his friends. Anne came over, and it was the first time since June I had seen her, and we all shriked like little girls again. It was like old times, the three of us together, being silly. laughing. crying. talking about everything. God I missed them. Had a good time at the bar with them. More Stella goodness. Got up this morning and drove home. and here I shall be for a few days.
I'm rather irritated with Douglass Christopher Saylor. Last week, during my EXAMS, he comes back into my life, unloads his heart to me, tells me things that I didn't need to hear that week, causing me to worry about him and myself. Telling me he wants to see me. call me. and nothing. I was distracted the whole EXAM week because of him, and I'm pissed. livid. want to punch him in the nose. Last thing I needed, and he did it. No call to me OR Kelsey when he KNEW I was in Kzoo. argh. Without meaning to, I set myself up just to fall again. Irritated. I don't know what to do about him. I got an e-mail from him the other day (just read it today) and I just don't know how to read him. I don't need this bullshit in my life. He can't continue to play games with my head. If I didn't love him, I would seriously beat the shit out of him. or at least, pretend to.
Anne, Alicia, and I had our usual boy conversation. Anne said we're going to be having this same type of conversation until we get married; about the boys who hurt us more than we could ever imagine. Sometimes the boys will rotate, but the topics are always the same. Anne and I both said that since the whole boy debaticle, we both just feel so unattractive, and our self esteem about ourselves is shot. I asked Josh, somewhat jokingly, if he didn't know he and saw me in a bar, would he check me out, and he changed the subject. Guess I know the truth now. *sigh* I don't know. I just don't know. I just know that I love my Anakin and my Eesha more than anything.
I don't understand why people kept telling me that I look thin, and that I lost so much weight. I don't see it.
I fucking hate the holidays.
my new favourist song in the whole wide world.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Finished up my exams last Friday. I'm done with the most hellish semester of my life, thank God. It's done, it's over, and I just need to pray to God that I did well. Drove to GR and got absolutely shit faced with Tom and Russ. I drank 1 beer at their place, 2 Stellas, one shot, and one vodka cranberry, and I could hardly stand. The boys had to offer some assistance so I could leave. Got back, thought I was going to be sick, and Tom stayed with me in the bathroom for like, 20 minutes until I felt like I wasn't going to puke. Then I started to cry to him about Doug. I can't remember what I said; only that I was crying about him. Ended up passing out with my clothes on. Made Tom take me to McDonald's in the morning so I could have some greasy goodness. Learned having a hangover + getting my hair high lighted is not a good combination.
Sunday went to the Zoo to spend time with Kelsey! I saw her, and wanted to cry. My best friend finally back in the flesh. Sarah was there, too, so the three of us ran around town doing errands. Did some bonding with Sandy and Gary. Lil beer pong action (I was a spectator) with some guys Kelsey knew. Monday she and I stayed in bed until 1:30 and it was pretty glorious, being lazy like that. Ran some errands. Ended up going to Gallagher's and we had Hoegaardans and hung out with Sarah, one of Sarah's co workers there, and we finally met the infamous Nick Foley. LoL. Tuesday, we were bums again for awhile. ran some errands. went to the mall. went to dinner with one of Kelsey's male friends, Ryan. She and I had bought a gingerbread house kit, and ended up making a gingerbread bar. It was pretty sweet. :-)
Wednesday, took off and went to Detroit to see my Eesha. When I saw her, I thought I was going to cry. another one of my best friends was back. we hugged and screamed and talked a mile a minute about Germany and just life. Went to the mall so I could buy some presents for the family. ate dinner. Went to Woody's in Royal Oak and met Terry there. I thought it would have been weird, going to the bar with him, because we hadn't hung out since like, oh February of last year, but it wasn't at all. We drank (the bar had Stella!), played pool, played the race car game, and had a good time. I always had so much fun hanging out with him, and I am glad to say that it hadn't changed. Maybe now we can work on being friends, actual friends. Thursday we were bums, watching lots of Desperate Housewives. Met Annie and her friend Rachel for dinner. I hadn't seen my lil since April and it was wonderful to see her again. I miss her a ton. Went back, got ready to head to the bar in Novi with Josh and some of his friends. Anne came over, and it was the first time since June I had seen her, and we all shriked like little girls again. It was like old times, the three of us together, being silly. laughing. crying. talking about everything. God I missed them. Had a good time at the bar with them. More Stella goodness. Got up this morning and drove home. and here I shall be for a few days.
I'm rather irritated with Douglass Christopher Saylor. Last week, during my EXAMS, he comes back into my life, unloads his heart to me, tells me things that I didn't need to hear that week, causing me to worry about him and myself. Telling me he wants to see me. call me. and nothing. I was distracted the whole EXAM week because of him, and I'm pissed. livid. want to punch him in the nose. Last thing I needed, and he did it. No call to me OR Kelsey when he KNEW I was in Kzoo. argh. Without meaning to, I set myself up just to fall again. Irritated. I don't know what to do about him. I got an e-mail from him the other day (just read it today) and I just don't know how to read him. I don't need this bullshit in my life. He can't continue to play games with my head. If I didn't love him, I would seriously beat the shit out of him. or at least, pretend to.
Anne, Alicia, and I had our usual boy conversation. Anne said we're going to be having this same type of conversation until we get married; about the boys who hurt us more than we could ever imagine. Sometimes the boys will rotate, but the topics are always the same. Anne and I both said that since the whole boy debaticle, we both just feel so unattractive, and our self esteem about ourselves is shot. I asked Josh, somewhat jokingly, if he didn't know he and saw me in a bar, would he check me out, and he changed the subject. Guess I know the truth now. *sigh* I don't know. I just don't know. I just know that I love my Anakin and my Eesha more than anything.
I don't understand why people kept telling me that I look thin, and that I lost so much weight. I don't see it.
I fucking hate the holidays.
my new favourist song in the whole wide world.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.