five years
it's been five years since Jason died. Five years. Wow. It seems like not so long ago, but forever at the same time. Senior year in high school. Found out after a basketball game and sobbed in front of the entire gym. I wonder where my dear cousin would be if he would have never gone hunting that faithful day. I wonder of how things could have been.....
hung out with Crystal and Kendra and Crystal's friend Christina on Friday night. Good times, just chillin' with a bottle of wine, trying to do a lil Dance Dance Revolution action, which I failed at miserably. talking about high school life, and where people are now. busted out some old high school photos from the Europe trip and they were pretty funny. I look so different now than I did then. Thinner. no long boingy curls like I used to have.... I just look so different. weird. got some details on Kendra and Ryan's wedding. Crazy to think that they're getting married! she just turned 21 and he won't be 20 until March. But they're happy. and in love. must admit that I'm slightly jealous.
rest of the weekend, watching the game on TV and Ohio State can burn to the ground. Had a nice conversation with Ali and Sceone. Alicia called me sobbing, and it broke my heart. Sean's such an ass. If she gave me the ok, I would have drove up to Ferris and kicked his ass. or at least, yelled at him. He's like 6'3" and rather buff. he could have crushed me like a bug. But it's the thought. I just hate knowing Alicia's over there, going through this without anyone. I know *exactly* how she feels. been helping Barb out through a rough patch with her boyfriend, too. I hate knowing people that I care about are in pain, and there's nothing I can do about it.
yeah. I'm sick of outlines and reading and essays. Going home in 3 days, not like it's going to be any different. I'll still have to work all break. To be honest, I'm a lil nervous about going home. Jameson will be home, and as much as I love my brother, no one's going to give a shit about seeing me, because he's home for the first time since the end of June from the AFA, and I'll just be there, you know? *sigh* of course, when I came back from Europe, it was like that, but he was still living in Hart then. *sigh* me and my paranoia.
but I had a thought this afternoon, while taking a break to watch the Lions suck. Two of my biggest fears are failing and being alone. This past semester, I've looked my fears straight in the eye, and they brought me to my knees, because I lived them, am still living them. Only now, I'm pulling myself back up. I'm not really alone anymore; I have friends here in Lansing. but I'm still so terrified that I'm going to fail in law school. I already failed with my relationship and had to live that fear; now the fear of failing law school is breathing down my neck and I'm scared shitless. All I can do is continue what I have been doing; getting to the library at 7:30 in the morning, go to class, study for a few hours after class, come home for dinner, and study for a few more hours after that. that is all I can do. But what if it's too lil too late? I admit, I totally slacked for close to 8 weeks, and now the pressure's on. I know that next semester will be different, but what if I don't make it that far?
been going on a crazy downloading spree...
you woke up, in pieces
from making these changes
and holding me ransom, won't write you an anthem
on the outside, i'm trying, 'cause inside, i'm dying
this broken heart was stronger than
now i can't stand to part with this
this broken heart
you took me for granted
now i've changed, you haven't
it won't be so easy to sell me this feeling
this broken heart was stronger than
the words i wish you never meant
this broken heart
can't make this right, you see on my face,
that i'm not gonna be alright, not tonight,
you can read all my letters, but that won't mean things are fine,
not this time, 'cause you gave away all the secrets of you and i
this broken heart was stronger than
now i can't stand to part with this
this broken heart was stronger than
the words i wish you never meant
this broken heart
hung out with Crystal and Kendra and Crystal's friend Christina on Friday night. Good times, just chillin' with a bottle of wine, trying to do a lil Dance Dance Revolution action, which I failed at miserably. talking about high school life, and where people are now. busted out some old high school photos from the Europe trip and they were pretty funny. I look so different now than I did then. Thinner. no long boingy curls like I used to have.... I just look so different. weird. got some details on Kendra and Ryan's wedding. Crazy to think that they're getting married! she just turned 21 and he won't be 20 until March. But they're happy. and in love. must admit that I'm slightly jealous.
rest of the weekend, watching the game on TV and Ohio State can burn to the ground. Had a nice conversation with Ali and Sceone. Alicia called me sobbing, and it broke my heart. Sean's such an ass. If she gave me the ok, I would have drove up to Ferris and kicked his ass. or at least, yelled at him. He's like 6'3" and rather buff. he could have crushed me like a bug. But it's the thought. I just hate knowing Alicia's over there, going through this without anyone. I know *exactly* how she feels. been helping Barb out through a rough patch with her boyfriend, too. I hate knowing people that I care about are in pain, and there's nothing I can do about it.
yeah. I'm sick of outlines and reading and essays. Going home in 3 days, not like it's going to be any different. I'll still have to work all break. To be honest, I'm a lil nervous about going home. Jameson will be home, and as much as I love my brother, no one's going to give a shit about seeing me, because he's home for the first time since the end of June from the AFA, and I'll just be there, you know? *sigh* of course, when I came back from Europe, it was like that, but he was still living in Hart then. *sigh* me and my paranoia.
but I had a thought this afternoon, while taking a break to watch the Lions suck. Two of my biggest fears are failing and being alone. This past semester, I've looked my fears straight in the eye, and they brought me to my knees, because I lived them, am still living them. Only now, I'm pulling myself back up. I'm not really alone anymore; I have friends here in Lansing. but I'm still so terrified that I'm going to fail in law school. I already failed with my relationship and had to live that fear; now the fear of failing law school is breathing down my neck and I'm scared shitless. All I can do is continue what I have been doing; getting to the library at 7:30 in the morning, go to class, study for a few hours after class, come home for dinner, and study for a few more hours after that. that is all I can do. But what if it's too lil too late? I admit, I totally slacked for close to 8 weeks, and now the pressure's on. I know that next semester will be different, but what if I don't make it that far?
been going on a crazy downloading spree...
you woke up, in pieces
from making these changes
and holding me ransom, won't write you an anthem
on the outside, i'm trying, 'cause inside, i'm dying
this broken heart was stronger than
now i can't stand to part with this
this broken heart
you took me for granted
now i've changed, you haven't
it won't be so easy to sell me this feeling
this broken heart was stronger than
the words i wish you never meant
this broken heart
can't make this right, you see on my face,
that i'm not gonna be alright, not tonight,
you can read all my letters, but that won't mean things are fine,
not this time, 'cause you gave away all the secrets of you and i
this broken heart was stronger than
now i can't stand to part with this
this broken heart was stronger than
the words i wish you never meant
this broken heart