SECRETS.
Secret # 1: I can't remember what HE smells like.
Secret # 2: If I could change one thing, I would have told HIM to keep my bracelet that I lost at his house two years ago when HE "found" it and gave it back to me last summer.
Secret # 3: My non-fear of death has turned into a somewhat longing for death. Not really death itself, just life after death. Sylvia Browne makes it sound so amazing, and this "hell" so pointless. I don't even know why life on earth has to exist when it's so great on the other side.
Secret # 4: I keep HIS Christmas present to me in a little box. [Mistle toe.]
Secret # 5: It was the best present I ever got.
Secret # 6: There's two more things in the box: the bracelet and a ticket stub from 11.26.2005 aka one of my favorite days/the best time I ever spent with HIM.
Secret # 7: I fucked up something with a check today at work and may have messed up the money count in the register. And I don't care.
Secret # 8: For awhile, I told Adam I loved him, but I didn't mean it. I just liked hearing it back.
Secret # 9: The first time HE cheated on his current girlfriend with me, he said he wanted to have sex. I said no. He had sex with me anyway even though I never said yes, but I didn't stop him. He would have kept me there all night until I said "yes" anyway so I didn't see the point.
Secret # 10: People in high school, mostly my friends, thought I was anorexic. I never was, until they started teasing me about it all they time. You asked for it, you've got it.
Secret # 11: Eating disorders never go away, they just become a part of you that you can control. And I've been doing amazingly at that for two years now.