my body has been worn out physically, but mostly emotionally

[katie279]

me and mom got in a terrible accident today.
hydroplaned, flipped over a guardrail, and slid down a tree.
we're both fine. i'm just covered in ant bites and mom's a little bruised up

but it made me think so much. i've been horrible to my mom.
just making her worry so much. and i don't do it on purpose
even tho i know in the back of my mind that she's worrying
b/c that's her job... i guess.

now i'm just worried about her.
i've realized that although she's nowhere near old
she's not exactly young anymore and i was so worried
that something like that could've near killed her..
i don't know how i'd live w/o my mom
as much as she can drive me a little crazy
i'll never be ready to let her go.

i've been selfish and i hate myself for that.

i'm leaving tomorrow to go to gatlinburg w/ dallas and fam.
i don't wanna leave mom, but after being reassured many times,
i'm just gonna go. i've been looking so forward to it and i don't
wanna be cooped up in the house, as my car is still broke and
mom no longer has one...

and the i'm coming back on the 12th
court on the 13th
me and ayla fly out on the 14th for maryland
and i won't be back until the 10th of july.

if anything bad happens to mom while i'm gone, i'll never forgive myself

my mind is exhausted.
i've been crying all day, and feel as though
i could cry for years.

i'm going to bed.. gotta get up EARLY.