(no subject)
...I just took my first bath in a very, very long time. I've never had a stand up shower before, so coming to my parents house has the benefits of bath.... even though I prefer showers, every once in a while- I enjoy pampering myself, like you know.. stretching out your legs while you shave them, its beautiful. HAHAHA. Yeah. :)
My dads birthday was today.. I'm bummed that I couldn't see him, but he's coming home tomorrow so, thats just as good. I think he's really excited to come home. :) Tomorrow I have a really busy day, people forget that doing just one thing makes me busy, haha.
Things are all finally starting to fall in to place.. I'm actually really excited. I found out that my aunt is having a lot of people over tomorrow when "I" get to see her, not during the reading itself... Jane herself will be seeing a lot of people. We will be picking numbers... that made me a little nervous at first, because I had been wanting to see her so badly, perhaps too badly. I've decided I do not need her to tell me anything at this point, because of all the realizations I've come to on my own, (when I say on my own, I mean with the help of Jared Howe & Caleb Guiggey, of course.. hahaha)
Things too seem to be generally the same in Mexico, Maine.. people tend to say that bothers them. It doesn't bother me though.. I still love it the same. My family still has bullshit fights.. like everyone elses, but I feel as though my influence on them makes everything a bit lighter... and I've been noticing how much my positive attitude really does effect a lot of other people. That makes me so happy... i feel like I glow every where I go.
Even though I've been trying to hide the fact that I glow for a while now... I think I'm finally ready for people to see it. I know that sounds a little silly to say, I guess not many people could really understand ... they have to know past, present, and the dreams of future Kati to full understand. But a few know those things.. and I'm going to make it known to a lot more very soon.
Since I've been being better to myself, I've been being better to most people.. It's automatic. The only two people who may disagree with that statement slightly, is my boyfriend and roommate... but I've done a lot of thinking today, and I've realized that this small break from each other is exactly what we all need... and I don't mean that in a bad way at all, just for reflection time.
They see a lot more of me than anyone, they know me better than most.. well, in some ways; I suppose. Caleb doesn't really have a clue about my actual progress, (he knows better than some) but Jared has a better idea. I realized how much I may have been stressing him out lately.. by me worrying about things that he already thinks about on his own. I just want to help him, and he knows that.. better than anyone. But by taking better care of myself, will take care of him and I..and I most definitely know that. We both know the *biggest fear/obstacle in our relationship... and it really doesn't even have anything to do with us personally.. so what am I doing worrying like this? Worrying is a useless tool, you're right. However, planning is not. And that is part of what I bring to our relationship and/or situation... ;)
The most important part of progress is always knowing when to improve.. the first step of progress is knowing that you need to improve, then you continue from there. Fear should not hold you back. I refuse to let anything hold me back from the path. Dream is destiny. I have goals. They aren't always generally typical goals, but I'm not a typical anything.. and I love that about myself. Everything that has happened has happened this way for a reason and continues to do so. I have faith in that. I have faith in me and I have faith in us.
Nothing can keep me in a loop. I'm stronger than any loop. My progress is phenominal and I will continue to renew and rejuevnate myself.
My dads birthday was today.. I'm bummed that I couldn't see him, but he's coming home tomorrow so, thats just as good. I think he's really excited to come home. :) Tomorrow I have a really busy day, people forget that doing just one thing makes me busy, haha.
Things are all finally starting to fall in to place.. I'm actually really excited. I found out that my aunt is having a lot of people over tomorrow when "I" get to see her, not during the reading itself... Jane herself will be seeing a lot of people. We will be picking numbers... that made me a little nervous at first, because I had been wanting to see her so badly, perhaps too badly. I've decided I do not need her to tell me anything at this point, because of all the realizations I've come to on my own, (when I say on my own, I mean with the help of Jared Howe & Caleb Guiggey, of course.. hahaha)
Things too seem to be generally the same in Mexico, Maine.. people tend to say that bothers them. It doesn't bother me though.. I still love it the same. My family still has bullshit fights.. like everyone elses, but I feel as though my influence on them makes everything a bit lighter... and I've been noticing how much my positive attitude really does effect a lot of other people. That makes me so happy... i feel like I glow every where I go.
Even though I've been trying to hide the fact that I glow for a while now... I think I'm finally ready for people to see it. I know that sounds a little silly to say, I guess not many people could really understand ... they have to know past, present, and the dreams of future Kati to full understand. But a few know those things.. and I'm going to make it known to a lot more very soon.
Since I've been being better to myself, I've been being better to most people.. It's automatic. The only two people who may disagree with that statement slightly, is my boyfriend and roommate... but I've done a lot of thinking today, and I've realized that this small break from each other is exactly what we all need... and I don't mean that in a bad way at all, just for reflection time.
They see a lot more of me than anyone, they know me better than most.. well, in some ways; I suppose. Caleb doesn't really have a clue about my actual progress, (he knows better than some) but Jared has a better idea. I realized how much I may have been stressing him out lately.. by me worrying about things that he already thinks about on his own. I just want to help him, and he knows that.. better than anyone. But by taking better care of myself, will take care of him and I..and I most definitely know that. We both know the *biggest fear/obstacle in our relationship... and it really doesn't even have anything to do with us personally.. so what am I doing worrying like this? Worrying is a useless tool, you're right. However, planning is not. And that is part of what I bring to our relationship and/or situation... ;)
The most important part of progress is always knowing when to improve.. the first step of progress is knowing that you need to improve, then you continue from there. Fear should not hold you back. I refuse to let anything hold me back from the path. Dream is destiny. I have goals. They aren't always generally typical goals, but I'm not a typical anything.. and I love that about myself. Everything that has happened has happened this way for a reason and continues to do so. I have faith in that. I have faith in me and I have faith in us.
Nothing can keep me in a loop. I'm stronger than any loop. My progress is phenominal and I will continue to renew and rejuevnate myself.