[fic] Your Dry Blood On My Fingertips
Fandom: Vampire Knight
Pairing: Kiryuu Zero and Kuran (Cross) Yuuki
Rating: T (for blood and biting)
Timeline: Post chapter 68
Word count: 1,908
Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight
Summary: It's an agreement, he convices himself closing his eyes thinking how his blood's mixing with hers, because when she's finished, he will take his share as well. It's fair, it's necessary, it's cruel...
Author's Note: My first VK fic. I was re-reading some chapters and it called my attention how in spite of being mad at the whole situation, Zero didn't move away when Yuuki was about to drink his blood after being injured in the graveyard, so I thought about writing something based on that now that she's at the Association.
The name is from the song Wires by Athlete
He’s on guard duty and he’s thirsty. It’s never been a good combination for him, especially with the prisoner he’s been assigned to guard.
He ruffles inside his pocket to find the small box containing his only source of mild relief. She stares at him with firm attention and swallows thickly as he sees the pills get lost inside his mouth.
He stares at her indifferently. The box plays between his fingers. He gets up and hands it to her. “You haven’t eaten anything since you got here. It’s not good if you die on us” she gazes at him for a moment, then the box, then back to him. She decides to shake her head; he doesn’t insist and goes back to his place.
“You’ve become tolerable to them” she points out. His eyes are directed to the door. He’s as impassive as he’s ever seen him, “that’s good” her hands intertwine one with the other over her lap where her eyes settle.
An uncomfortable silence falls upon them. She wants to feel the way they did before, for her to be able to call him ‘friend’, for him to be amusingly annoyed over her clumsiness, but those are nothing but petty dreams. “I’m starving” she admits minutes later. He looks at her, “but even if I swallowed down all those pills, that wouldn’t be enough” He knows how that feels like, he’s felt it many times before, but he can’t give in, not anymore.
Their eyes finally meet. There’s an indescribable hunger and longing in her stare, “you told me once that my blood was the only one you wanted…” she says, he does his best at maintaining his expression neutral, but doesn’t add anything.
She gets up swiftly and approaches him. A lethargic feeling invades his body which makes it difficult to move. She kneels before him carefully. She removes the strands of hair that rest on her right shoulder and moves nearer, letting his mouth come within her neck’s reach.
“I don’t need your pity” he says lowly, but not flinching. She’s ready for that answer.
“It’s not pity. I’ll give you my blood if you give me yours” she looks at him knowing her words are sinking in. She can bare it a bit longer, she was taught to do so when Kaname went away for long periods of times, but he knew Zero and even with his newfound tolerance towards the pills, they would never satiate his hunger completely.
“Now you’re acting like a strategist” his tone is bitter, but she smiles. “But it’s not a fair deal. My blood is to you what the tablets are to me” she stares at him deeply.
“That’s not true. Zero’s blood is better than tablets”
A better replacement…
His gaze is cold, but she simply smiles. It’s not the same smile. He’s angry at both himself and at the whole situation. He thought he had made peace with the monster inside him, but now he’s falling down a well too deep to get out of easily.
…
It becomes a habit.
The invigorating sensation of her blood going down his throat always leaves him aching and craving for more. It’s like pure water after countless hours of walking down the brutal desert sun.
It’s cruel, he thinks as she buries her fangs on his neck. It’s cruel to both him and her.
The sharpness of her teeth and the desperation that invades her as she gulps his blood without restraint remind him that he’s just an alternate of the real blood that quenches her thirst.
Her nails are marking their territory on his arms, while his right hand holds her small frame tightly.
It’s an agreement, he convinces himself closing his eyes thinking how his blood’s mixing with hers, because when she’s finished, he will take his share as well. It’s fair, it’s necessary, it’s cruel…
He feels his collar soaked with his blood the moment her mouth leaves his neck. The back of her hand goes quickly over the corners of her mouth that are drenched with his blood. That’s her way of cleansing the obscenity she’s just made.
“I’m sorry” she says lowering her gaze. He looks down at her blankly as he frees her from his grip.
Her hands take the strands of hair covering her neck. She offers him his medicine, his source of life. He hesitates trying to convince himself that he doesn’t need this. However, her throbbing pulse is so inviting that he finds himself hovering over her shoulder blade faster than expected. He examines her neck where bite marks would’ve rested had she been human. Back then, he hated seeing her having to hide the proof of his uncontrollable hunger, but now it makes him melancholic. He places a soft kiss that goes unnoticed over imaginary scars before licking her smooth skin.
He can only imagine what she’s thinking as he hears her gasp at the insertion of his fangs deep in her skin. Her anxiety is nothing compare to his, after all, she’s tasted the blood that fully satisfies her for the last year, while he’s settled for something worse than a substitute: hard and unpleasant tablets.
He leaves her neck panting and wavers before falling on his bed, his face hitting the soft pillow. There are some dry drops of blood on his right hand.
When he puts himself together, he looks up at her. Her unwavering gaze is piercing him and as if merging their blood had formed a connection between them, he knows for sure what she’s thinking. It is a sin, from any perspective, but it is essential.
He holds his neck feeling that he’s choking. For a moment, he thinks her blood might be intoxicated, but then he realizes it’s her scrutinize that has him suffocating.
He recovers as he always does and gives her a dark glance. Her eyes are firm, never looking away. She wants to forget her sin by piling layers of excuses over it, the most predominant being that of their holding to their sanity.
Gazing into her eyes tires him; the sensation of all the doors being closed increases.
“Zero” she calls out, not as feebly as she used to when they were back at the Academy. She’s a pureblood after all, and her tone elicits a scoff from him, but he doesn’t move an inch; he rests on top of his bed, exhausted. He just wants to sleep. “I’ll be back tomorrow” she says almost in a whisper.
He grips the sheets tightly, his eyelids feel heavy and he finally gives in. He doesn’t want her to come back, but he needs her to.
She closes the door delicately, as if making a minimal amount of sound would appease his exhaustion. As on cue, once the light leaves the threshold, a delicate hand digs deep in his hair, smoothly disheveling it. Memories of his mother entering his room in the middle of the night knowing she would find both her sons resting peacefully invade his mind.
“Zero” her sweet, low voice near his ear sends a slight electric shock down his body. Unwillingly, he imagines that’s the way her blood would feel in his system.
He forces himself to open his eyes. Her hand travels gently down his cheek as she smiles kindly. He’s drowning in pure violet. “What are you thinking?” she asks with genuine curiosity.
It’s been five years. Five years in which he’s bottled everything up, five years in which he’s had to convince everyone - and himself - that he’s not struggling to hold onto the last remnants of his sanity. He’s learned that quietness and effectiveness brings him a borrowed peace, so he hasn’t said anything, but as this woman is demanding such a simple question of him, he can’t help but tell her the truth.
“If I had perished with her, we would’ve saved ourselves all this regret.” It disgusts him, thinking that Shizuka might have been his last opportunity for a way out. Her smile widens, but remains soft.
“And that would’ve been the end of it, is that it?” she looks away from him, her eyes fixed on the ceiling; the hood over her head doesn’t allow him to see her full features. “But you have a reason to live, don’t you?” her eyes find his numb figure again. He doesn’t hold her gaze, “you remind me of myself” he frowns slightly.
“No, I don’t” he answers defiantly.
“You don’t want to be a play thing for purebloods, do you? Neither you nor any human” her eyes meet his and she gets a satisfying answer. “That’s not what I want for you, any of you” the sincerity in her voice is one he hasn’t heard in a while “Zero, who’s become a monster, Zero, who’s lost everything, Zero who always stands back up” she hovers over him and leaves a light kiss on his temple. Her soft lips are a contrast to sharp, hard fangs. She whispers something inaudible and then she’s gone.
…
Kuran Yuuki resembles more a scared, little princess than a fearsome pureblood. He’s found comfort on that thought many times over, even when her mere presence forces him to register nothing but her true nature.
She’s standing outside the building, past the steps while his feet are standing firmly near the entrance. There’s a barrier, none of them sees it, but they know it’s there.
The look in her eyes goes from afraid to determined in a heartbeat. He’s wearing that sober mask that’s desperate to convey that nothing gets through. She believes it because it’s easier, it hurts less.
“I have to go to him” she says with a frail tone that differs from her gaze. “I have to…” he turns to his side, his profile facing her.
“That’s how it’ll always be, won’t it?” he asks with a smirk on his face, it worries her. “I desired it so much, your blood, that I didn’t even take a moment to reflect on what I was doing” he draws out the Bloody Rose pointing the right angle, “I could do it, here and now, but I’m just a dog following orders so I can’t kill you” her eyes never leave his sight. “But it’s just a matter of time before you’re at the top of our execution lists” she nods with a faint smile on her lips. It annoys him. “You’re ok with that, aren’t you?” he looks at her, “Goodbye, Kuran Yuuki. This is the last time” he turns around and enters deep into the building, that woman’s presence invading his senses and then he remembers:
You remind me of myself; even though I was born like this, I always felt like a human turned vampire, and just like me, you haven’t forgotten those frail and defenseless lives, you don’t just idly keep watching… I’ll never leave you; hence you must not bend before anything.
He looks down at his hands, there’s a faint shade of red tinting them, but it will be washed away in due time.
He makes a promise that night, a promise to Ichiru, his parents, the hooded woman that hunts him every night and himself: He would never fall again into the claws of a pureblood. He would live as long as he had to in order for the world to be free from purebloods and their games.
A/N: It may seem weird that I included the Hooded Woman here, but I like to include my theories in the fics I write and though they're not identical, I do believe that Zero somewhat resembles her, so my theory's that Zero's her descendant, given that she had human family... and seeing how Rido somehow hasn't let go and completely disappeared, she could've also held onto her last living descendant (especially one that also wants to protect humans, and given the current situation with vampires attacking humans...), but it's also a lot of crack from my behalf and trying to make them related xD