Transcript of The Day of the Doctor Part I
I wasn't going to post this, but heck, I went to all the effort of typing it up for my rewrite with Donna (including quite a few editorialised comments) so I thought other people might enjoy it, too. No graphics (or not yet. I might add them later), but do let me know if there are any errors!
Clara Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one. Marcus Aurelius.
[School bell rings. Clara cleans the board. Tom, another teacher, runs into the room]
Clara Have you been running?
Tom Are you okay? There was a call for you in the office - from your doctor.
Clara [smiling briefly] Did he leave an address?
[She rides a motorbike away from the school and eventually into the TARDIS itself. The Doctor is reading 'Advanced Quantum Mechanics' and refuses to acknowledge her at first. Finally - ]
Eleven Draught. [Clara clicks fingers and the doors close. Eleven closes his book and jumps up.] Fancy a weekend in Ancient Mesopotamia followed by the future Mars?
Clara Will there be cocktails?
Eleven On the moon.
Clara The moon'll do.
[They laugh and hug, delighted to be together.]
Eleven How's the new job? Teach anything good?
Clara No. Learn anything?
Eleven Not a thing.
[They clasp hands, but then look up as the TARDIS suddenly moves. The screen reads 'TARDIS Interference Detected']
Clara What's happening?
Eleven Whoa, whoa, we're taking off. But the engines aren't going.
[The TARDIS is shown hanging from a giant claw.]
Radio Eagle-Eleven to Greyhound leader. Blue eagle is airborne. Ready to receive. We're on our way.
[Eleven flips several switches, but finally runs for the doors. The scene changes to the outside of the Tower of London. A subtitle appears on the screen U.N.I.T. The Tower of London]
Osgood Hello, Kate Stewart's phone. Oh, hold on! [She runs across to where Kate Stewart is sitting looking towards Tower Bridge, bumping into people as she goes.] Excuse me, sorry. Ma'am! Ma'am.
Kate The ravens are looking a bit sluggish. Tell Malcolm they need new batteries.
Osgood [holding out phone] It's him! Sorry, it's your personal phone, but, well, I recognised the ring tone.
[Kate puts down a sandwich crust and grabs the phone].
Osgood It's him, isn't it?
Kate Inhaler. [into phone as Osgood sucks on her inhaler] Doctor, hello, we found the TARDIS in a field. I'm having it brought in.
Eleven No kidding!
Kate Where are you?
[Eleven holds the TARDIS phone in the direction of the helicopter above his head. Kate stands up, shocked and horrified]
Kate Oh my God! Oh, Doctor, I'm so sorry. We had no idea you were still in there! [to Osgood, who is watching the TARDIS being flown overhead] Come on.
Pilot Roger. New heading - 270. Changing course.
[As the helicopter changes direction, the Doctor is flung out and Clara only just manages to grab his feet.]
Clara Doctor!
Eleven Clara!
Kate Doctor, can you hear me? [to Osgood] I don't think he can hear me.
Eleven [yelling into the handset as it bangs against his head] Ow! Next time, would it kill you to knock?
Kate I'm having you taken directly to the scene.
[The helicopter flies the TARDIS through London, past the Eye and along the river to Trafalgar Square.]
Kate Doctor, are you okay?
Eleven I'm just going to put you on hold.
Kate Doctor?
Clara Doctor!
[He reaches up to put away the phone, but Clara loses her grip on his feet. He grabs the underside of the TARDIS with his hands and is delivered that way to the outside of the National Gallery.
Guard Attention!
[Soldiers spring to attention. The Doctor salutes in return before realising what he is doing.]
Eleven Why am I saluting?
Kate Doctor, as chief scientific officer, may I extend the official apologies of UNIT.
Eleven Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, a word to the wise. As I'm sure your father would have told you - I don't like being picked up.
Clara That probably sounded better in his head.
Kate I'm acting on instructions direct from the throne. [Osgood produces a sealed letter] Sealed orders from her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the First.
[The letter is shown in flashback being sealed with red sealing wax]
Clara The Queen? The First? Sorry. Elizabeth the First?
Kate Her credentials are inside. [the Doctor goes to open the letter] No, inside. [as she point to the Gallery behind them]
Eleven [to Osgood] Nice scarf.
[He leads the way into the building, followed by the UNIT soldiers. Kate glances at the gathered crowd.]
Kate What’s our cover story for this?
Osgood Um, Derren Brown.
Kate Again?
Osgood Well, we sent him flowers.
* * *
[Eleven and Clara walk through the rooms, all of which are heavily guarded.]
Clara Did you know her? Elizabeth the First?
Eleven Unified Intelligence Task Force.
Clara Sorry?
Eleven This lot. UNIT. They investigate alien stuff. Anything alien.
Clara What, like you?
Eleven I work for them.
Clara You had a job?
Eleven Why shouldn't I have a job? I'd be brilliant at having a job.
Clara [scornfully] You don't have a job!
Eleven I do! This is my job! I'm doing it now!
Clara You never have a job!
Eleven [as they stop in front of a covered painting] I do! I do.
[The painting is uncovered to reveal a 3-d image of a city being destroyed in battle]
Kate Elizabeth's credentials, Doctor.
Clara But - but that’s not possible.
Eleven [flashback] No more.
Eleven No more.
Kate That's the title.
Eleven [angrily] I know the title!
Kate Also known as Gallifrey Falls.
Eleven This painting doesn't belong here. Not in this time or place.
Kate Obviously.
Eleven It's the fall of Arcadia, Gallifrey's second city.
Clara But how is it doing that? How is that possible? It's an oil painting - in 3-d.
[She moves forward so that it is possible to see the picture's depth.]
Eleven Time Lord art. Bigger on the inside. A slice of real time. Frozen.
Kate Elizabeth told us where to find it - and its significance.
[Many quick shots. Flashbacks. Flashfowards.]
Clara You okay?
Eleven He was there.
Clara Who was?
Eleven Me. The other me. The one I don’t talk about.
Clara I don't understand.
Eleven I've had many faces, many lives. I don't admit to all of them. There's one life I've tried very hard to forget.
War [flashback] No more.
Eleven He was the Doctor who fought in the Time War and that was the day he did it. The day I did it. The day he killed them all. The last day of the Time War. The war to end all wars between my people and the Daleks. And in that battle there was a man with more blood on his hands than any other. A man who would commit a crime that would silence the universe. And that man was me.
* * *
[The scene has zoomed in on a picture of a single man with his back to the camera. This changes to show the sky around Gallifrey full of Dalek ships, all firing. The title the screen reads The Last Day of the Time War. Chaotic and terrible war scenes. A group of men, women and children find themselves run from the Daleks. Soldiers shoot at the enemy and are shot down. Finally Daleks appear on screen. There are many cries of 'Exterminate'.]
Soldier A message for the High Council. Priority Omega. Arcadia has fallen. I repeat, Arcadia has fallen.
[He looks up to see the TARDIS standing a short distance away. Then a shadow appears around the corner.]
War Soldier, I'm going to need your gun.
[The War Doctor begins carving words in a wall with the gun. Daleks surround a group of men, women and children with cries of 'Exterminate']
Man Please! Please - just don't!
Dalek Alert. Alert. The Doctor is detected.
Other Daleks The Doctor is surrounded.
Dalek Inform High Command. We have the Doctor.
Daleks Seek. Locate. Destroy. Seek. Locate. Destroy. Seek. Locate. Destroy.
[The Doctor finishes writing 'No More' on the wall as the Daleks move in. Then the TARDIS crashes through the wall and into a group of Daleks, knocking them over.]
Dalek [dying] The Doctor is escaping. What are these words? Explain. Explain.
[The Dalek is shot by the soldier whose gun was taken by the War Doctor and dies. The scene changes to a room in what looks like an underground bunker. Two men, a General and Androgar, enter the map-room]
Androgar The High Council is in session. They have plans of their own.
General Damn the High Council. Their plans have already failed. Gallifrey is still in the line of fire. So - he was there then. The Doctor.
Androgar [as he brings up a hologram of the carved wall] He left a message. A written warning for the Daleks. He's a fool!
General [as if the suggestion appeals to him] No, he's a madman.
Androgar [gesturing at the map table] As you can see, sir, all Dalek fleets around the planet are now converging on the Capital, but the Sky Trenches are holding.
[As if to contradict this, the room is suddenly shaken by an explosion.]
General Where did he go next?
Androgar What does it matter? This is their biggest ever attack! Sir, they're throwing everything as us!
Time Lady [interrupting] Sir, we have a security breach to the Time Vaults.
[The General and Androgar cross to another machine, which shows a hologram of the Time Vaults. A red light flashes.]
General The Omega arsenal, where all the forbidden weapons are locked away.
Androgar They're not forbidden anymore. We've used them all against the Daleks.
General No. No we haven't.
[They hurry down tunnels and stop in front of a vacant plinth]
General The Moment is gone.
Androgar I don't understand. What is the Moment? I've never heard of it.
General The Galaxy-eater. The final work of the Ancients of Gallifrey. A weapon so powerful the operating system became sentient. According to legend, it developed a conscience.
Androgar [incredulously] And we've never used it?
General How do you use a weapon of ultimate mass-destruction when it can stand in judgement on you? There is only one man who would even try.
* * *
[The War Doctor trudges across a desert, carrying a large sack, towards a shack.]
War [V.O.] Time Lords of Gallifrey. Daleks of Skaro. I serve notice on you all. For too long I have stayed my hand. No more. Today you leave me no choice. Today this war will end. No more. No more.
[The War Doctor enters the shack and unpacks the Moment, putting it on the ground. Gears and clogs click and grind as he examines it.]
War Now, how do you work? Why is there never a big red button?
[He hears something and crosses to the door, opening it.]
War Hello? Is somebody there?
Bad Wolf It’s nothing. [He turns to see a young blonde woman sitting on the box] It's just a wolf.
War Don't sit on that!
Bad Wolf Why not?
War Because it's not a chair! It's the most dangerous weapon in the universe. [He drags Bad Wolf out of the shack and closes the door on her.]
Bad Wolf Why can’t it be both? [he turns to find her sitting on the box again] Why'd you park so far away? Didn't you want her to see it?
War [suspiciously] Want who to see?
Bad Wolf [half-singing] The TARDIS! [she jumps to her feet] You walked for miles. And miles and miles and miles and miles!
War I was thinking...
Bad Wolf I heard you.
War [disbelief] You heard me?
Bad Wolf No more. No more.
War [VO] No more.
Bad Wolf [mockingly] No more. No more.
War [flashback] No more.
Bad Wolf No more. No more!
War Who are you?
[The box makes a noise. The War Doctor moves beside it.]
War It’s activating. Get out of here! [as he touches it] Ouch!
Bad Wolf What's wrong?
War The interface is hot.
Bad Wolf [coyly] Well, I do my best.
War [continuing to look over the Moment] There's a power source inside. [looking at the girl] You're the interface?
Bad Wolf They must have told you the Moment had a conscience. [she waves] Hello! [as the War Doctor looks from the box to the Interface] Aw, look at you! Stuck between a girl and a box! Story of your life, eh, Doctor?
War You know me?
Bad Wolf I hear you. All of you. Jangling around in that dusty old head of yours. I chose this face and form especially for you. It’s from your past! Or possibly from your future - I always get those two mixed up.
War [dismissively] I don't have a future.
Bad Wolf I think I'm called - Rose Tyler. No. Yes, no, sorry, in this form, I'm called - Bad Wolf. [her eyes glow with golden regeneration energy] Are you afraid of the big, Bad Wolf, Doctor?
War Stop calling me Doctor.
Bad Wolf That's the name in your head.
War It shouldn't be. I've been fighting this war for a long time. I've lost the right to be the Doctor.
Bad Wolf [sing-song] Then you're the one to save us all.
War [as if to an idiot] Yes.
Bad Wolf If I ever develop an ego, you've got the job.
War If you have been inside my head then you know what I have seen. The suffering. Every moment in time and space is burning. It must end. And I intend to end it the only way I can.
Bad Wolf And you're going to use me to end it? Killing them all? Daleks and Time Lords alike? I could, but there will be consequences for you.
War [resigned] I have no desire to survive this.
Bad Wolf Then that's your punishment. If you do this, if you kill them all, then that’s the consequence You. Live. Gallifrey. You're going to burn it. And all those Daleks with it, but all those children, too. [shock on the War Doctor's face. He hasn't thought of this] How many children on Gallifrey right now?
War Don't know.
Bad Wolf One day you will count them. One terrible night. Do you want to see what that will turn you into? [she nudges his shoulder] Come on, aren't you curious [a whirling hole opens in the sky.] I'm opening windows on your future. A tangle in time through the days to come to the man today will make of you. [a fez falls through the opening and lands at their feet; she speaks flatly] Okay I wasn't expecting that.
* * *
[Back in the National Gallery, the Doctor is still looking upset.]
Clara But the Time War's over. Why have you brought us here to look at a painting?
Kate The painting only serves as Elizabeth's credentials. It’s proof that the letter is from her. It’s not why you’re here.
[The Doctor pulls out the letter, breaks the seal and opens it.]
QE My dearest love. I hope the painting known as Gallifrey Falls will serve as proof that it is your Elizabeth who writes to you now. You will recall that you pledged yourself to the safety of my Kingdom. In this capacity I have appointed you as Curator of the Under Gallery, where deadly danger to England is locked away. Should any disturbance occur within its walls, it is my wish that you be summoned. Godspeed, gentle husband.
Eleven [faintly] What happened?
Kate Easier to show you.
McGillop [answering his phone] McGillop. [looks at his phone] But that's not possible. I was just - Understood sir, but - why would I take it there?
[The Doctor and Clara follow Kate to another room where they are confronted with a massive portrait of Elizabeth the First and the Tenth Doctor.]
Clara Elizabeth the First. You knew her then?
Eleven A long time ago.
* * *
[Scene changes to a castle overlooking a beach. Subtitles describe the scene as England 1562. The TARDIS is standing on a small islet of green grass. A horse rides out of the TARDIS with Ten and Elizabeth on its back.]
Ten Allons-y! There you go, your Majesty, what did I tell you? Bigger on the inside.
QE The door isn't. You nearly took my head off. It's normally me who does that.
[She giggles as the Doctor grins. The scene changes to a picnic spread out on a blanket in front of a small tent.
QE Tell me, Doctor, why I’m wasting my time on you? I have wars to plan.
Ten You have a picnic to eat.
QE You could help me.
Ten Well, I'm helping you eat the picnic.
QE But you have a stomach for war. This face has seen conflict. It's clear as day.
Ten Oh, I've seen conflict like you wouldn't believe - but it wasn't this face. But never mind that, Your Majesty. Up on your feet!
QE How dare you! I'm the Queen of England!
Ten I'm not English. [he gets down on one knee] Elizabeth, will you marry me?
QE Oh, my dear, sweet love, of course I will!
[She goes in for a kiss, but he pulls away triumphantly.]
Ten Ha! Gotcha!
QE My love?
Ten One, the real Elizabeth would never have accepted my marriage proposal. Two, the real Elizabeth would notice when I casually mention having a different face. But then the real Elizabeth isn't a shape-shifting alien from outerspace. And [he pulls a device from his pocket which dings] ding.
QE What’s that?
Ten It’s a machine that goes ding. [machine dings] Made it myself. Lights up in the presence of shape-shifting DNA. Ooh! Also can microwave frozen dinners from up to twenty feet and downloads comics from the future. [smugly] I never know when to stop.
QE My love, I do not understand.
Ten I am not your love and yes, you do. [pointing aerial of the device at her] You're a Zygon.
QE A Zyon?
Ten [impatiently] Oh, stop it, it's over. A Zygon! Yes, big red rubbery thing, covered in suckers. Surprisingly good kisser! Do you think the real Queen of England would just decide to share her throne with any old handsome man in a tight suit? [Elizabeth's eyebrows dart up and the horse whinnies] Just 'cos he's got amazing hair and a nice horse. [he glances at the horse, which is now a red rubbery figure covered in suckers; he speaks in disbelief and understanding] Oh, it was the horse. [sudden realisation] I’m going to be king. [he grabs Elizabeth's hand] Run!
QE What's happening?
Ten We're being attacked by a shape-shifting alien from outer space, formerly disguised as my horse!
QE But what does that mean?
Ten It means we're going to need a new horse.
[He pulls her to safety on the other side of a wall]
QE Where’s it going?
Ten I'll hold it off. You run. [He moves beside her.] Your people need you.
QE And I need you - alive - for our wedding day.
[She kisses him madly for a moment before running off.]
Ten [to himself] Oh, good one, Doctor. Nice one. The Virgin Queen. So much for history.
[Elizabeth runs through the woods. The Doctor heads in the other direction.]
Ten [through gritted teeth, his 'ding' machine in his hand] Come on! I know you're there.
[Elizabeth is chased by something red and rubbery. She turns to face it and screams.]
Ten [pulling himself up short in front of a rabbit] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, very clever! Whatever you’ve got planned, forget it. I’m the Doctor. I’m 904 years old. I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I am the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Darkness - and you are basically just a rabbit, aren’t you? Okay, carry on, just a... general... warning. [he hits his device in frustration]
QE [faintly] Doctor!
Ten Elizabeth! [he leaps over branches and helps her to her feet]
QE That thing! Explain what it is! What does it want of us?
Ten What's what I'm trying to find out. Probably just your planet.
QE 2 [OS] Doctor! [she arrives on the scene] Step away from her, Doctor. [smugly] That's not me. That's the creature.
QE How is that possible? She's me! Doctor, she’s me!
QE 2 I am indeed me, a compliment that cannot be extended to yourself.
QE Extraordinary! The creature has captured my exact likeness. This is exceptional!
QE 2 Exceptional? A queen would call it impertinent.
QE A queen would feel compelled to admire the skill of the execution [grimly] before arranging one!
Ten [banging device] Oh, it's not working!
QE One might surmise that the creature would learn quickly to protect itself from any simple means of detection.
QE 2 Clearly you understand the creature better than I. But then you have the advantage.
[A time window suddenly opens in the sky above them.]
Ten Back, both of you, now! That's a time fissure! A tear in the fabric of reality! Anything could happen. [a fez drops to the ground; his voice drops to disappointment and confusion] For instance - a fez!
* * *
[Scenes flash past showing the sealing of the letter and the tenth Doctor's portrait, finally arriving back with the eleventh Doctor and Clara in the Gallery
Kate [opens door behind painting] This way. [she reveals a long, dark tunnel] Welcome to the Under Gallery. This is where Elizabeth the First kept all art deemed too dangerous for public consumption.
Eleven [scoops up handful of dust that is lying in heaps on the floor and sniffs it] Stone dust.
Kate Is it important?
Eleven Twelve hundred years, I never stepped in anything that wasn’t. [He looks back at Osgood, who is hovering in the doorway] Oi, you! Are you sciency?
Osgood [excited] Oh, um, well, um, yes!
Eleven Got a name?
Osgood Er, yes.
Eleven Good, I've always wanted to meet someone called 'yes'. Now, I want this stone dust analysed. And [glancing at Clara smugly] I want a report in triplicate with lots of graphs and diagrams and complicated sums on my desk tomorrow morning. ASAP. Pronto. L.O.L. [to Clara] See, job. [to Kate] Do I have a desk?
Kate No.
Eleven [to Osgood] And I want a desk.
Kate Get a team. Analyse the stone dust. [Osgood wheezes with excitement when the Doctor winks at her] Inhaler!
[The Doctor walks past a glass case containing a fez, removes the cover and puts the fez on, posing for Clara.]
Clara Some day you could just walk past a fez.
Eleven Never going to happen.
[He leads her into the next room where Kate is already waiting. Glass shardds are lying all over the floor.]
Kate This is why we called you in. [she looks at the Gallifreyan paintings]
Clara 3-d again.
Eleven Interesting.
Clara The broken glass?
Eleven No. Where it's broken from. [he picks up a shard as an image shows the glass breaking] Look at the shatter pattern. The glass on these paintings has been broken from the inside. [the glass is shown breaking from one side, reforming and then breaking from the other]
Kate As you can see, all the paintings are landscapes. No figures of any kind.
Eleven So?
Kate There used to be.
[She hands him a tablet on which can be seen part of one of the paintings which includes a figure. He looks from the painting to the tablet and back several times.]
Clara Something's got out of the paintings.
Eleven Lots of somethings. Dangerous.
Kate This whole place has been searched. There's nothing here that shouldn't be and nothing's got out.
[As she finishes speaking, a time tunnel opens in the corner of the ceiling.
Eleven Oh, no, not now!
Clara Doctor, what is it?
Eleven [desperately] No, not now, I’m busy!
Kate Is it to do with the paintings?
Eleven [dismissively] No, no, this is different. I remember this. Almost remember. [he suddenly looks up and removes his fez] Oh, of course! This is where I come in!
[He grins at Clara and then tosses the fez into the tunnel, running after it.]
Eleven Geronimo!
Clara Doctor!
Kate [holding her back] Wait!
* * *
[Ten is still holding the fez when Eleven drops onto the leafpile below the tunnel in 1562. Ten straightens as Eleven gets to his feet, putting the fez on his own head.]
QE [no idea which one so don't ask!] Who is this man?
Ten That's just what I was wondering.
Eleven [eying his former self] Oh, that is skinny! That is proper skinny! I've never seen it from the outside before. [as Ten looks down at himself] It's like a special effect! [snatching the fez off his head] Oi, matchstick man!
Ten [breathlessly] You're not...
[They both flourish sonics. Eleven’s is much larger, even when Ten increases his to its full size. Hey, stop sniggering in the back!]
Ten Compensating?
Eleven For what?
Ten Regeneration. It’s a lottery.
Eleven Oh, he's cool! Isn't he cool! I'm the Doctor and I’m all cool! Oops, I'm wearing sand shoes!
Ten [after looking at his shoes - did he think they changed when he wasn't looking?] What are you doing here? [gesturing at the two Elizabeths] I'm busy!
Eleven [darts over to pick up the fallen fez] Busy! Is that what we're calling it, eh? Eh? [he turns to the Elizabeths] Hello ladies!
Ten [impatiently, rolling his eyes] Don't start!
Eleven Listen, what you get up to in the privacy of your own regeneration is your business.
Ten [pulling Eleven aside] One of them is a Zygon.
Eleven [pulling a disgusted face] Urgh! [turning to Ten] I'm not judging you!
[The time tunnel activates again and they both turn towards it. Both put on 'brainy specs' and then turn to each other, looking delighted]
Eleven Nice!
Ten [at the same time] Lovely!
Eleven [turning to the Elizabeths] Your Majesties, probably a good time to run.
QE and QE2 But what about the creature?
Ten Elizabeth! Whichever one of you is the real one, turn and run in the opposite direction to the other one!
[Eleven makes oppositey flapping hand movements]
QE and QE2 Of course, my love!
QE [yeah, giving up now] [running to Ten] Stay alive, my love! I am not done with you yet! [she kisses him and takes off running]
Ten [awkwardly as Eleven looks mildly ill] Thanks, lovely.
QE [the other one, obviously] I understand. Live for me, my darling. We shall be together again. [more kissing]
[She runs in the opposite direction. Ten looks uncomfortably at Eleven]
Ten Well - won't that be nice?
Eleven [would-be carelessness] One of those was a Zygon?
Ten [casually] Yup.
Eleven Big red rubbery thing, covering in suckers.
Ten Yeah.
Eleven Venom sacks in the tongue.
Ten [impatiently] Yeah, I'm getting the point, thank you, nice.
Clara Doctor, is that you?
Eleven Ah, hello, Clara! Can you hear me?
Clara Yeah, it's me, we can hear you. Where are you?
Eleven [to Ten] Where are we?
Ten England, 1562.
Clara [confused] Who are you talking to?
Ten and Eleven Myself. [They exchange grins]
Kate Can you come back through?
Eleven Physical passage may not be possible in both directions. Ah, hang on! Fez incoming!
[He takes the fez off his head and throws it into the tunnel. Clara stares into the tunnel in confusion.]
Clara Nothing here.
Ten So where did it go?
[On Gallifrey, the War Doctor picks up the fez and cleans it with the sleeve of his leather jacket.]
Clara Who's he talking to?
Kate He said. 'Himself'. [she pulls out her phone] Keep him talking. Malcolm? Malcolm, I need you to send me one of my father's incident files codenamed Cromer. 70s or 80s depending on the dating protocol.
[She turns a corner. Behind her, a shadow of something covered with suckers moves on the wall.]
Ten [arms folded over his chest] Okay, you used to be me. You’ve done all this before. What happens next?
Eleven [dismissively; uncomfortably] I don't remember.
Ten [gesturing between them] How can you forget this?!
Eleven Hey, hang on, it's not my fault. You're obviously not paying enough attention. Reverse the polarity!
[Both Doctors produce sonic screwdrivers and direct them at the hole. Much buzzing, but not a lot else.]
Eleven It’s not working.
Ten [in realisation] We’re both reversing the polarity.
Eleven Yes, I know that.
Ten There’s two of us. I’m reversing it; you’re reversing it back again. We’re confusing the polarity!
[The tunnel sparks, driving them backwards, and then there is the thud of a new arrival.]
War Anyone lose a fez?
Ten [shocked and horrified] You! How can you be here? More to the point, why are you here?
War Good afternoon! [as Ten and Eleven exchange glances] I'm looking for the Docor.
Ten [uncomfortably] Well, you've certainly come to the right place.
War Good! Right! Well, who are you boys? Oh, of course! Are you his companions?
Eleven [indignantly] His companions?!
War They get younger all the time! Well, if you could point me in the general direction of the Doctor...
[Ten and Eleven produce and activate their sonics, holding them up as evidence of who they are. The War Doctor's demeanour drops.]
War Really?
Eleven Yeah.
Ten Really.
War You're me? Both of you?
Ten Yup.
War [nodding at Eleven] Even that one?
Eleven [indignantly as Ten rolls his eyes and nods in apparently equal disbelief] Yes!
War You're my future selves?
Ten and Eleven Yes!
War Am I having a midlife crisis?
[He walks towards them and both thrust out their sonics (not like that!), activating them at him.]
War Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols!
[Ten and Eleven exchange glances and lower the sonics, Ten straightening to his full height at the criticism and Eleven stooping a little in defeat.]
War You look like you've seen a ghost!
[Eleven looks to Ten, apparently for leadership]
Ten [disdainfully] Still loving the posh, gravely thing. It's very convincing!
Eleven [awkwardly] Brave words, Dick van Dyke!
Soldiers Halt!
Bentham Encircle them!
[Lord Bentham leads troops towards the three Doctors, two of whom immediately point their screwdrivers at the soldiers. Guess which two!]
Bentham Which of you is the Doctor? The Queen of England is bewitched. I would have the Doctor's head.
War [to Bentham] Well, this has all the makings of your lucky day!
[Kate, flicking back her hair, returns to the room where Clara is still waiting.]
Clara I think there's three of them now.
Kate [clearly having read Cromer, which is likely to refer to the meeting of the first three Doctors] There's a precedent for that.
Bentham [as the voices come through the time tunnel] What is that?
War [irritated, to Ten and Eleven who are still trying to ward off the guards] Oh, the pointing again! They’re screwdrivers! What are you going to do - assemble a cabinet at them?
Bentham [far more patiently than one would have expected giving the circumstances] That thing - what witchcraft is it?
Eleven Ah, yes, now that you mention it, that is witchcraft! Yes, witchy-witchcraft! [to the rippling hole] Hello - hello in there! Excuse me. Hello? Am I talking to the wicked witch of the well?
Kate He means you.
Clara Why am I the witch?
Eleven Clara!
Clara Hello?
Eleven Clara, hi, hello - hello! Would you mind telling these prattling motals to get themselves begone?
Clara [uncomfortably] What he said.
Eleven [irritated] Yes, tiny bit more colour
Clara All right. Prattling mortals, off you pop, or I’ll turn you all into frogs.
[The guards back up nervously. Ten raises his eyebrows at them. Not sure what it did to the guards, but it did plenty for me!]
Eleven Nice, frogs, you heard her!
Clara Doctor, what’s going on?
Eleven It’s a - timey-wimey thing.
War [mockingly] Timey what? Timey-wimey?
Ten [scornfully and just a bit guiltily] I-I have no idea where he picks that stuff up.
Bentham and guards The Queen!
[Elizabeth - just one, thankfully - joins the happy throng. Everybody bows. Well, everybody English, anyway. Apparently Gallifreyans don't have to bow to English royalty. Who knew?]
QE You don't seem to be kneeling! How terribly brave of you!
Ten [suspiciously] Which one are you? What happened to the other one?
QE Indisposed. [casually] Long live the Queen.
Guards Long live the Queen!
QE [cheerfully] Arrest these men. Take them to the Tower.
Ten [pointing at Elizabeth] That is not the Queen of England. That's an alien duplicate.
Eleven [casually, pointing at Ten] And you can take it from him 'cause he's really checked.
Ten Oh, shut up!
Eleven Venom sacks in the tongue.
Ten Seriously, stop it!
Eleven [stepping forward] No, hang on! The Tower! Did you say the Tower? Ah yes, brilliant. Love the tower. Breakfast at eight, please. Will there be wifi?
War [scornfully] Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?
Eleven Yes. [flapping] No. [to Elizabeth] I demand to be incarcerated in the Tower immediately with my co-conspirators, Sand Shoes and Grandad.
War [indignantly] Grandad!
Ten [determined to have his say] And they are not sandshoes.
War [scoffing] Yes, they are!
Elizabeth Silence! The Tower is not to be taken lightly! Very few emerge again!
Kate Dear God, that man's clever!
Clara Where're we going?
Kate My office, otherwise known as the Tower of London.
* * *
Guard Oi, you lot, get in there!
[All three Doctors are pushed into a semi-lit cell. Eleven finds a pencil-like piece of metal on the floor and picks it up, flicking it with his finger and smiling when it chimes. He begins scratching on a conveniently flat, smooth part of a pillar. The War Doctor scans the door with his sonic. Ten stares at the ceiling.]
Ten Three of us in one cell - it's going to cause some nasty anomalies if we don't get out soon. [to Eleven] What are you doing?
Eleven Getting us out.
Ten [to Eleven? to the War Doctor? Hard to tell] The sonic won't work on that. It's too primitive.
Eleven [sarcastically] Shall we ask for a better quality of door so we can escape?
Ten [disdainfully] Okay, so, the Queen of England is now a Zygon. But never mind that. Why are we all together? Why are we all here? Me and [he searches for an insult on parallel with ‘Sand shoes’] Chinny - we were surprised. But you came looking for us. You knew what was going to happen. Who told you?
[From the War Doctor’s POV it is possible to see Bad Wolf standing next to Ten. She puts her index finger on her lips to keep the War Doctor from talking about her.]
Eleven [offended] Oi, chinny?
Ten [dismissively] Yeah, you do have a chin.
* * *
[In a makeshift lab set up in the entry room to the Under Gallery, Osgood and McGillop are checking the stone dust. Because taking it to a lab to do this kind of work makes NO sense.]
Osgood Marble, granite [looks up at the vaulted ceiling] a lot of different stone, but none of it from the fabric of the building. It's like somebody's smashed up a lot of old statues. Are there any missing?
McGillop [dismissively] Don't think so. Why would anyone do that anyway? I mean, I know we're meant to keep an open mind, but are we meant to believe in creatures that can hide in oil paintings and have some sort of a grudge against statues?
[Osgood has been becoming ever more terrified and now sucks on her inhaler.]
McGillop You all right?
Osgood We have to go. Right now. This minute.
McGillop What's wrong?
Osgood The things from the paintings. I know why they smashed the statues
McGillop [anxiously] Why?
Osgood [desperately] Because they needed somewhere to hide.
[They both focus on the sheet-covered statues, which slowly turn in their direction, ripping off sheets to reveal Zygons. Osgood screams. McGillop has his mouth covered and is forced to the ground. Osgood gets out of the room and shuts the painting door, but a Zygon smashes through the canvas, destroying Elizabeth's face. Osgood screams and runs for the heavily vaulted door, which is closed. She hits the 'open' button, setting off an alarm as the door slowly begins to lift. But a Zygon is in the room with her. She backs into a corner, sucking on her inhaler, curling up in a ball on the floor, her long scarf trailing on the ground in front of her.
Osgood [like a mantra] The Doctor will save me. The Doctor will save me. The Doctor will save me. The Doctor will save me. [covering her head with her arms] The Doctor will save me.
Osgood 2 [the Zygon has taken her form] Excuse me, I'm going to need my inhaler. [rolling her eyes] I so hate when I get one with a defect. [snatching the inhaler] Oh, you've got some perfectly horrible memories in here, haven't you? [uses inhaler] So jealous of your pretty sister. I don't blame you. I wish I'd copied her.
Osgood So do I!
[She pulls at the scarf, one end of which Osgood 2 is standing on, sending her flat on her back. Osgood snatches her inhaler, which O2 has dropped, and ducks under the half-open door.]
O2 Oh, for goodness sake!
[O2 grabs at the fleeing Osgood.]
And the rest
Clara Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one. Marcus Aurelius.
[School bell rings. Clara cleans the board. Tom, another teacher, runs into the room]
Clara Have you been running?
Tom Are you okay? There was a call for you in the office - from your doctor.
Clara [smiling briefly] Did he leave an address?
[She rides a motorbike away from the school and eventually into the TARDIS itself. The Doctor is reading 'Advanced Quantum Mechanics' and refuses to acknowledge her at first. Finally - ]
Eleven Draught. [Clara clicks fingers and the doors close. Eleven closes his book and jumps up.] Fancy a weekend in Ancient Mesopotamia followed by the future Mars?
Clara Will there be cocktails?
Eleven On the moon.
Clara The moon'll do.
[They laugh and hug, delighted to be together.]
Eleven How's the new job? Teach anything good?
Clara No. Learn anything?
Eleven Not a thing.
[They clasp hands, but then look up as the TARDIS suddenly moves. The screen reads 'TARDIS Interference Detected']
Clara What's happening?
Eleven Whoa, whoa, we're taking off. But the engines aren't going.
[The TARDIS is shown hanging from a giant claw.]
Radio Eagle-Eleven to Greyhound leader. Blue eagle is airborne. Ready to receive. We're on our way.
[Eleven flips several switches, but finally runs for the doors. The scene changes to the outside of the Tower of London. A subtitle appears on the screen U.N.I.T. The Tower of London]
Osgood Hello, Kate Stewart's phone. Oh, hold on! [She runs across to where Kate Stewart is sitting looking towards Tower Bridge, bumping into people as she goes.] Excuse me, sorry. Ma'am! Ma'am.
Kate The ravens are looking a bit sluggish. Tell Malcolm they need new batteries.
Osgood [holding out phone] It's him! Sorry, it's your personal phone, but, well, I recognised the ring tone.
[Kate puts down a sandwich crust and grabs the phone].
Osgood It's him, isn't it?
Kate Inhaler. [into phone as Osgood sucks on her inhaler] Doctor, hello, we found the TARDIS in a field. I'm having it brought in.
Eleven No kidding!
Kate Where are you?
[Eleven holds the TARDIS phone in the direction of the helicopter above his head. Kate stands up, shocked and horrified]
Kate Oh my God! Oh, Doctor, I'm so sorry. We had no idea you were still in there! [to Osgood, who is watching the TARDIS being flown overhead] Come on.
Pilot Roger. New heading - 270. Changing course.
[As the helicopter changes direction, the Doctor is flung out and Clara only just manages to grab his feet.]
Clara Doctor!
Eleven Clara!
Kate Doctor, can you hear me? [to Osgood] I don't think he can hear me.
Eleven [yelling into the handset as it bangs against his head] Ow! Next time, would it kill you to knock?
Kate I'm having you taken directly to the scene.
[The helicopter flies the TARDIS through London, past the Eye and along the river to Trafalgar Square.]
Kate Doctor, are you okay?
Eleven I'm just going to put you on hold.
Kate Doctor?
Clara Doctor!
[He reaches up to put away the phone, but Clara loses her grip on his feet. He grabs the underside of the TARDIS with his hands and is delivered that way to the outside of the National Gallery.
Guard Attention!
[Soldiers spring to attention. The Doctor salutes in return before realising what he is doing.]
Eleven Why am I saluting?
Kate Doctor, as chief scientific officer, may I extend the official apologies of UNIT.
Eleven Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, a word to the wise. As I'm sure your father would have told you - I don't like being picked up.
Clara That probably sounded better in his head.
Kate I'm acting on instructions direct from the throne. [Osgood produces a sealed letter] Sealed orders from her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the First.
[The letter is shown in flashback being sealed with red sealing wax]
Clara The Queen? The First? Sorry. Elizabeth the First?
Kate Her credentials are inside. [the Doctor goes to open the letter] No, inside. [as she point to the Gallery behind them]
Eleven [to Osgood] Nice scarf.
[He leads the way into the building, followed by the UNIT soldiers. Kate glances at the gathered crowd.]
Kate What’s our cover story for this?
Osgood Um, Derren Brown.
Kate Again?
Osgood Well, we sent him flowers.
* * *
[Eleven and Clara walk through the rooms, all of which are heavily guarded.]
Clara Did you know her? Elizabeth the First?
Eleven Unified Intelligence Task Force.
Clara Sorry?
Eleven This lot. UNIT. They investigate alien stuff. Anything alien.
Clara What, like you?
Eleven I work for them.
Clara You had a job?
Eleven Why shouldn't I have a job? I'd be brilliant at having a job.
Clara [scornfully] You don't have a job!
Eleven I do! This is my job! I'm doing it now!
Clara You never have a job!
Eleven [as they stop in front of a covered painting] I do! I do.
[The painting is uncovered to reveal a 3-d image of a city being destroyed in battle]
Kate Elizabeth's credentials, Doctor.
Clara But - but that’s not possible.
Eleven [flashback] No more.
Eleven No more.
Kate That's the title.
Eleven [angrily] I know the title!
Kate Also known as Gallifrey Falls.
Eleven This painting doesn't belong here. Not in this time or place.
Kate Obviously.
Eleven It's the fall of Arcadia, Gallifrey's second city.
Clara But how is it doing that? How is that possible? It's an oil painting - in 3-d.
[She moves forward so that it is possible to see the picture's depth.]
Eleven Time Lord art. Bigger on the inside. A slice of real time. Frozen.
Kate Elizabeth told us where to find it - and its significance.
[Many quick shots. Flashbacks. Flashfowards.]
Clara You okay?
Eleven He was there.
Clara Who was?
Eleven Me. The other me. The one I don’t talk about.
Clara I don't understand.
Eleven I've had many faces, many lives. I don't admit to all of them. There's one life I've tried very hard to forget.
War [flashback] No more.
Eleven He was the Doctor who fought in the Time War and that was the day he did it. The day I did it. The day he killed them all. The last day of the Time War. The war to end all wars between my people and the Daleks. And in that battle there was a man with more blood on his hands than any other. A man who would commit a crime that would silence the universe. And that man was me.
* * *
[The scene has zoomed in on a picture of a single man with his back to the camera. This changes to show the sky around Gallifrey full of Dalek ships, all firing. The title the screen reads The Last Day of the Time War. Chaotic and terrible war scenes. A group of men, women and children find themselves run from the Daleks. Soldiers shoot at the enemy and are shot down. Finally Daleks appear on screen. There are many cries of 'Exterminate'.]
Soldier A message for the High Council. Priority Omega. Arcadia has fallen. I repeat, Arcadia has fallen.
[He looks up to see the TARDIS standing a short distance away. Then a shadow appears around the corner.]
War Soldier, I'm going to need your gun.
[The War Doctor begins carving words in a wall with the gun. Daleks surround a group of men, women and children with cries of 'Exterminate']
Man Please! Please - just don't!
Dalek Alert. Alert. The Doctor is detected.
Other Daleks The Doctor is surrounded.
Dalek Inform High Command. We have the Doctor.
Daleks Seek. Locate. Destroy. Seek. Locate. Destroy. Seek. Locate. Destroy.
[The Doctor finishes writing 'No More' on the wall as the Daleks move in. Then the TARDIS crashes through the wall and into a group of Daleks, knocking them over.]
Dalek [dying] The Doctor is escaping. What are these words? Explain. Explain.
[The Dalek is shot by the soldier whose gun was taken by the War Doctor and dies. The scene changes to a room in what looks like an underground bunker. Two men, a General and Androgar, enter the map-room]
Androgar The High Council is in session. They have plans of their own.
General Damn the High Council. Their plans have already failed. Gallifrey is still in the line of fire. So - he was there then. The Doctor.
Androgar [as he brings up a hologram of the carved wall] He left a message. A written warning for the Daleks. He's a fool!
General [as if the suggestion appeals to him] No, he's a madman.
Androgar [gesturing at the map table] As you can see, sir, all Dalek fleets around the planet are now converging on the Capital, but the Sky Trenches are holding.
[As if to contradict this, the room is suddenly shaken by an explosion.]
General Where did he go next?
Androgar What does it matter? This is their biggest ever attack! Sir, they're throwing everything as us!
Time Lady [interrupting] Sir, we have a security breach to the Time Vaults.
[The General and Androgar cross to another machine, which shows a hologram of the Time Vaults. A red light flashes.]
General The Omega arsenal, where all the forbidden weapons are locked away.
Androgar They're not forbidden anymore. We've used them all against the Daleks.
General No. No we haven't.
[They hurry down tunnels and stop in front of a vacant plinth]
General The Moment is gone.
Androgar I don't understand. What is the Moment? I've never heard of it.
General The Galaxy-eater. The final work of the Ancients of Gallifrey. A weapon so powerful the operating system became sentient. According to legend, it developed a conscience.
Androgar [incredulously] And we've never used it?
General How do you use a weapon of ultimate mass-destruction when it can stand in judgement on you? There is only one man who would even try.
* * *
[The War Doctor trudges across a desert, carrying a large sack, towards a shack.]
War [V.O.] Time Lords of Gallifrey. Daleks of Skaro. I serve notice on you all. For too long I have stayed my hand. No more. Today you leave me no choice. Today this war will end. No more. No more.
[The War Doctor enters the shack and unpacks the Moment, putting it on the ground. Gears and clogs click and grind as he examines it.]
War Now, how do you work? Why is there never a big red button?
[He hears something and crosses to the door, opening it.]
War Hello? Is somebody there?
Bad Wolf It’s nothing. [He turns to see a young blonde woman sitting on the box] It's just a wolf.
War Don't sit on that!
Bad Wolf Why not?
War Because it's not a chair! It's the most dangerous weapon in the universe. [He drags Bad Wolf out of the shack and closes the door on her.]
Bad Wolf Why can’t it be both? [he turns to find her sitting on the box again] Why'd you park so far away? Didn't you want her to see it?
War [suspiciously] Want who to see?
Bad Wolf [half-singing] The TARDIS! [she jumps to her feet] You walked for miles. And miles and miles and miles and miles!
War I was thinking...
Bad Wolf I heard you.
War [disbelief] You heard me?
Bad Wolf No more. No more.
War [VO] No more.
Bad Wolf [mockingly] No more. No more.
War [flashback] No more.
Bad Wolf No more. No more!
War Who are you?
[The box makes a noise. The War Doctor moves beside it.]
War It’s activating. Get out of here! [as he touches it] Ouch!
Bad Wolf What's wrong?
War The interface is hot.
Bad Wolf [coyly] Well, I do my best.
War [continuing to look over the Moment] There's a power source inside. [looking at the girl] You're the interface?
Bad Wolf They must have told you the Moment had a conscience. [she waves] Hello! [as the War Doctor looks from the box to the Interface] Aw, look at you! Stuck between a girl and a box! Story of your life, eh, Doctor?
War You know me?
Bad Wolf I hear you. All of you. Jangling around in that dusty old head of yours. I chose this face and form especially for you. It’s from your past! Or possibly from your future - I always get those two mixed up.
War [dismissively] I don't have a future.
Bad Wolf I think I'm called - Rose Tyler. No. Yes, no, sorry, in this form, I'm called - Bad Wolf. [her eyes glow with golden regeneration energy] Are you afraid of the big, Bad Wolf, Doctor?
War Stop calling me Doctor.
Bad Wolf That's the name in your head.
War It shouldn't be. I've been fighting this war for a long time. I've lost the right to be the Doctor.
Bad Wolf [sing-song] Then you're the one to save us all.
War [as if to an idiot] Yes.
Bad Wolf If I ever develop an ego, you've got the job.
War If you have been inside my head then you know what I have seen. The suffering. Every moment in time and space is burning. It must end. And I intend to end it the only way I can.
Bad Wolf And you're going to use me to end it? Killing them all? Daleks and Time Lords alike? I could, but there will be consequences for you.
War [resigned] I have no desire to survive this.
Bad Wolf Then that's your punishment. If you do this, if you kill them all, then that’s the consequence You. Live. Gallifrey. You're going to burn it. And all those Daleks with it, but all those children, too. [shock on the War Doctor's face. He hasn't thought of this] How many children on Gallifrey right now?
War Don't know.
Bad Wolf One day you will count them. One terrible night. Do you want to see what that will turn you into? [she nudges his shoulder] Come on, aren't you curious [a whirling hole opens in the sky.] I'm opening windows on your future. A tangle in time through the days to come to the man today will make of you. [a fez falls through the opening and lands at their feet; she speaks flatly] Okay I wasn't expecting that.
* * *
[Back in the National Gallery, the Doctor is still looking upset.]
Clara But the Time War's over. Why have you brought us here to look at a painting?
Kate The painting only serves as Elizabeth's credentials. It’s proof that the letter is from her. It’s not why you’re here.
[The Doctor pulls out the letter, breaks the seal and opens it.]
QE My dearest love. I hope the painting known as Gallifrey Falls will serve as proof that it is your Elizabeth who writes to you now. You will recall that you pledged yourself to the safety of my Kingdom. In this capacity I have appointed you as Curator of the Under Gallery, where deadly danger to England is locked away. Should any disturbance occur within its walls, it is my wish that you be summoned. Godspeed, gentle husband.
Eleven [faintly] What happened?
Kate Easier to show you.
McGillop [answering his phone] McGillop. [looks at his phone] But that's not possible. I was just - Understood sir, but - why would I take it there?
[The Doctor and Clara follow Kate to another room where they are confronted with a massive portrait of Elizabeth the First and the Tenth Doctor.]
Clara Elizabeth the First. You knew her then?
Eleven A long time ago.
* * *
[Scene changes to a castle overlooking a beach. Subtitles describe the scene as England 1562. The TARDIS is standing on a small islet of green grass. A horse rides out of the TARDIS with Ten and Elizabeth on its back.]
Ten Allons-y! There you go, your Majesty, what did I tell you? Bigger on the inside.
QE The door isn't. You nearly took my head off. It's normally me who does that.
[She giggles as the Doctor grins. The scene changes to a picnic spread out on a blanket in front of a small tent.
QE Tell me, Doctor, why I’m wasting my time on you? I have wars to plan.
Ten You have a picnic to eat.
QE You could help me.
Ten Well, I'm helping you eat the picnic.
QE But you have a stomach for war. This face has seen conflict. It's clear as day.
Ten Oh, I've seen conflict like you wouldn't believe - but it wasn't this face. But never mind that, Your Majesty. Up on your feet!
QE How dare you! I'm the Queen of England!
Ten I'm not English. [he gets down on one knee] Elizabeth, will you marry me?
QE Oh, my dear, sweet love, of course I will!
[She goes in for a kiss, but he pulls away triumphantly.]
Ten Ha! Gotcha!
QE My love?
Ten One, the real Elizabeth would never have accepted my marriage proposal. Two, the real Elizabeth would notice when I casually mention having a different face. But then the real Elizabeth isn't a shape-shifting alien from outerspace. And [he pulls a device from his pocket which dings] ding.
QE What’s that?
Ten It’s a machine that goes ding. [machine dings] Made it myself. Lights up in the presence of shape-shifting DNA. Ooh! Also can microwave frozen dinners from up to twenty feet and downloads comics from the future. [smugly] I never know when to stop.
QE My love, I do not understand.
Ten I am not your love and yes, you do. [pointing aerial of the device at her] You're a Zygon.
QE A Zyon?
Ten [impatiently] Oh, stop it, it's over. A Zygon! Yes, big red rubbery thing, covered in suckers. Surprisingly good kisser! Do you think the real Queen of England would just decide to share her throne with any old handsome man in a tight suit? [Elizabeth's eyebrows dart up and the horse whinnies] Just 'cos he's got amazing hair and a nice horse. [he glances at the horse, which is now a red rubbery figure covered in suckers; he speaks in disbelief and understanding] Oh, it was the horse. [sudden realisation] I’m going to be king. [he grabs Elizabeth's hand] Run!
QE What's happening?
Ten We're being attacked by a shape-shifting alien from outer space, formerly disguised as my horse!
QE But what does that mean?
Ten It means we're going to need a new horse.
[He pulls her to safety on the other side of a wall]
QE Where’s it going?
Ten I'll hold it off. You run. [He moves beside her.] Your people need you.
QE And I need you - alive - for our wedding day.
[She kisses him madly for a moment before running off.]
Ten [to himself] Oh, good one, Doctor. Nice one. The Virgin Queen. So much for history.
[Elizabeth runs through the woods. The Doctor heads in the other direction.]
Ten [through gritted teeth, his 'ding' machine in his hand] Come on! I know you're there.
[Elizabeth is chased by something red and rubbery. She turns to face it and screams.]
Ten [pulling himself up short in front of a rabbit] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, very clever! Whatever you’ve got planned, forget it. I’m the Doctor. I’m 904 years old. I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I am the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Darkness - and you are basically just a rabbit, aren’t you? Okay, carry on, just a... general... warning. [he hits his device in frustration]
QE [faintly] Doctor!
Ten Elizabeth! [he leaps over branches and helps her to her feet]
QE That thing! Explain what it is! What does it want of us?
Ten What's what I'm trying to find out. Probably just your planet.
QE 2 [OS] Doctor! [she arrives on the scene] Step away from her, Doctor. [smugly] That's not me. That's the creature.
QE How is that possible? She's me! Doctor, she’s me!
QE 2 I am indeed me, a compliment that cannot be extended to yourself.
QE Extraordinary! The creature has captured my exact likeness. This is exceptional!
QE 2 Exceptional? A queen would call it impertinent.
QE A queen would feel compelled to admire the skill of the execution [grimly] before arranging one!
Ten [banging device] Oh, it's not working!
QE One might surmise that the creature would learn quickly to protect itself from any simple means of detection.
QE 2 Clearly you understand the creature better than I. But then you have the advantage.
[A time window suddenly opens in the sky above them.]
Ten Back, both of you, now! That's a time fissure! A tear in the fabric of reality! Anything could happen. [a fez drops to the ground; his voice drops to disappointment and confusion] For instance - a fez!
* * *
[Scenes flash past showing the sealing of the letter and the tenth Doctor's portrait, finally arriving back with the eleventh Doctor and Clara in the Gallery
Kate [opens door behind painting] This way. [she reveals a long, dark tunnel] Welcome to the Under Gallery. This is where Elizabeth the First kept all art deemed too dangerous for public consumption.
Eleven [scoops up handful of dust that is lying in heaps on the floor and sniffs it] Stone dust.
Kate Is it important?
Eleven Twelve hundred years, I never stepped in anything that wasn’t. [He looks back at Osgood, who is hovering in the doorway] Oi, you! Are you sciency?
Osgood [excited] Oh, um, well, um, yes!
Eleven Got a name?
Osgood Er, yes.
Eleven Good, I've always wanted to meet someone called 'yes'. Now, I want this stone dust analysed. And [glancing at Clara smugly] I want a report in triplicate with lots of graphs and diagrams and complicated sums on my desk tomorrow morning. ASAP. Pronto. L.O.L. [to Clara] See, job. [to Kate] Do I have a desk?
Kate No.
Eleven [to Osgood] And I want a desk.
Kate Get a team. Analyse the stone dust. [Osgood wheezes with excitement when the Doctor winks at her] Inhaler!
[The Doctor walks past a glass case containing a fez, removes the cover and puts the fez on, posing for Clara.]
Clara Some day you could just walk past a fez.
Eleven Never going to happen.
[He leads her into the next room where Kate is already waiting. Glass shardds are lying all over the floor.]
Kate This is why we called you in. [she looks at the Gallifreyan paintings]
Clara 3-d again.
Eleven Interesting.
Clara The broken glass?
Eleven No. Where it's broken from. [he picks up a shard as an image shows the glass breaking] Look at the shatter pattern. The glass on these paintings has been broken from the inside. [the glass is shown breaking from one side, reforming and then breaking from the other]
Kate As you can see, all the paintings are landscapes. No figures of any kind.
Eleven So?
Kate There used to be.
[She hands him a tablet on which can be seen part of one of the paintings which includes a figure. He looks from the painting to the tablet and back several times.]
Clara Something's got out of the paintings.
Eleven Lots of somethings. Dangerous.
Kate This whole place has been searched. There's nothing here that shouldn't be and nothing's got out.
[As she finishes speaking, a time tunnel opens in the corner of the ceiling.
Eleven Oh, no, not now!
Clara Doctor, what is it?
Eleven [desperately] No, not now, I’m busy!
Kate Is it to do with the paintings?
Eleven [dismissively] No, no, this is different. I remember this. Almost remember. [he suddenly looks up and removes his fez] Oh, of course! This is where I come in!
[He grins at Clara and then tosses the fez into the tunnel, running after it.]
Eleven Geronimo!
Clara Doctor!
Kate [holding her back] Wait!
* * *
[Ten is still holding the fez when Eleven drops onto the leafpile below the tunnel in 1562. Ten straightens as Eleven gets to his feet, putting the fez on his own head.]
QE [no idea which one so don't ask!] Who is this man?
Ten That's just what I was wondering.
Eleven [eying his former self] Oh, that is skinny! That is proper skinny! I've never seen it from the outside before. [as Ten looks down at himself] It's like a special effect! [snatching the fez off his head] Oi, matchstick man!
Ten [breathlessly] You're not...
[They both flourish sonics. Eleven’s is much larger, even when Ten increases his to its full size. Hey, stop sniggering in the back!]
Ten Compensating?
Eleven For what?
Ten Regeneration. It’s a lottery.
Eleven Oh, he's cool! Isn't he cool! I'm the Doctor and I’m all cool! Oops, I'm wearing sand shoes!
Ten [after looking at his shoes - did he think they changed when he wasn't looking?] What are you doing here? [gesturing at the two Elizabeths] I'm busy!
Eleven [darts over to pick up the fallen fez] Busy! Is that what we're calling it, eh? Eh? [he turns to the Elizabeths] Hello ladies!
Ten [impatiently, rolling his eyes] Don't start!
Eleven Listen, what you get up to in the privacy of your own regeneration is your business.
Ten [pulling Eleven aside] One of them is a Zygon.
Eleven [pulling a disgusted face] Urgh! [turning to Ten] I'm not judging you!
[The time tunnel activates again and they both turn towards it. Both put on 'brainy specs' and then turn to each other, looking delighted]
Eleven Nice!
Ten [at the same time] Lovely!
Eleven [turning to the Elizabeths] Your Majesties, probably a good time to run.
QE and QE2 But what about the creature?
Ten Elizabeth! Whichever one of you is the real one, turn and run in the opposite direction to the other one!
[Eleven makes oppositey flapping hand movements]
QE and QE2 Of course, my love!
QE [yeah, giving up now] [running to Ten] Stay alive, my love! I am not done with you yet! [she kisses him and takes off running]
Ten [awkwardly as Eleven looks mildly ill] Thanks, lovely.
QE [the other one, obviously] I understand. Live for me, my darling. We shall be together again. [more kissing]
[She runs in the opposite direction. Ten looks uncomfortably at Eleven]
Ten Well - won't that be nice?
Eleven [would-be carelessness] One of those was a Zygon?
Ten [casually] Yup.
Eleven Big red rubbery thing, covering in suckers.
Ten Yeah.
Eleven Venom sacks in the tongue.
Ten [impatiently] Yeah, I'm getting the point, thank you, nice.
Clara Doctor, is that you?
Eleven Ah, hello, Clara! Can you hear me?
Clara Yeah, it's me, we can hear you. Where are you?
Eleven [to Ten] Where are we?
Ten England, 1562.
Clara [confused] Who are you talking to?
Ten and Eleven Myself. [They exchange grins]
Kate Can you come back through?
Eleven Physical passage may not be possible in both directions. Ah, hang on! Fez incoming!
[He takes the fez off his head and throws it into the tunnel. Clara stares into the tunnel in confusion.]
Clara Nothing here.
Ten So where did it go?
[On Gallifrey, the War Doctor picks up the fez and cleans it with the sleeve of his leather jacket.]
Clara Who's he talking to?
Kate He said. 'Himself'. [she pulls out her phone] Keep him talking. Malcolm? Malcolm, I need you to send me one of my father's incident files codenamed Cromer. 70s or 80s depending on the dating protocol.
[She turns a corner. Behind her, a shadow of something covered with suckers moves on the wall.]
Ten [arms folded over his chest] Okay, you used to be me. You’ve done all this before. What happens next?
Eleven [dismissively; uncomfortably] I don't remember.
Ten [gesturing between them] How can you forget this?!
Eleven Hey, hang on, it's not my fault. You're obviously not paying enough attention. Reverse the polarity!
[Both Doctors produce sonic screwdrivers and direct them at the hole. Much buzzing, but not a lot else.]
Eleven It’s not working.
Ten [in realisation] We’re both reversing the polarity.
Eleven Yes, I know that.
Ten There’s two of us. I’m reversing it; you’re reversing it back again. We’re confusing the polarity!
[The tunnel sparks, driving them backwards, and then there is the thud of a new arrival.]
War Anyone lose a fez?
Ten [shocked and horrified] You! How can you be here? More to the point, why are you here?
War Good afternoon! [as Ten and Eleven exchange glances] I'm looking for the Docor.
Ten [uncomfortably] Well, you've certainly come to the right place.
War Good! Right! Well, who are you boys? Oh, of course! Are you his companions?
Eleven [indignantly] His companions?!
War They get younger all the time! Well, if you could point me in the general direction of the Doctor...
[Ten and Eleven produce and activate their sonics, holding them up as evidence of who they are. The War Doctor's demeanour drops.]
War Really?
Eleven Yeah.
Ten Really.
War You're me? Both of you?
Ten Yup.
War [nodding at Eleven] Even that one?
Eleven [indignantly as Ten rolls his eyes and nods in apparently equal disbelief] Yes!
War You're my future selves?
Ten and Eleven Yes!
War Am I having a midlife crisis?
[He walks towards them and both thrust out their sonics (not like that!), activating them at him.]
War Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols!
[Ten and Eleven exchange glances and lower the sonics, Ten straightening to his full height at the criticism and Eleven stooping a little in defeat.]
War You look like you've seen a ghost!
[Eleven looks to Ten, apparently for leadership]
Ten [disdainfully] Still loving the posh, gravely thing. It's very convincing!
Eleven [awkwardly] Brave words, Dick van Dyke!
Soldiers Halt!
Bentham Encircle them!
[Lord Bentham leads troops towards the three Doctors, two of whom immediately point their screwdrivers at the soldiers. Guess which two!]
Bentham Which of you is the Doctor? The Queen of England is bewitched. I would have the Doctor's head.
War [to Bentham] Well, this has all the makings of your lucky day!
[Kate, flicking back her hair, returns to the room where Clara is still waiting.]
Clara I think there's three of them now.
Kate [clearly having read Cromer, which is likely to refer to the meeting of the first three Doctors] There's a precedent for that.
Bentham [as the voices come through the time tunnel] What is that?
War [irritated, to Ten and Eleven who are still trying to ward off the guards] Oh, the pointing again! They’re screwdrivers! What are you going to do - assemble a cabinet at them?
Bentham [far more patiently than one would have expected giving the circumstances] That thing - what witchcraft is it?
Eleven Ah, yes, now that you mention it, that is witchcraft! Yes, witchy-witchcraft! [to the rippling hole] Hello - hello in there! Excuse me. Hello? Am I talking to the wicked witch of the well?
Kate He means you.
Clara Why am I the witch?
Eleven Clara!
Clara Hello?
Eleven Clara, hi, hello - hello! Would you mind telling these prattling motals to get themselves begone?
Clara [uncomfortably] What he said.
Eleven [irritated] Yes, tiny bit more colour
Clara All right. Prattling mortals, off you pop, or I’ll turn you all into frogs.
[The guards back up nervously. Ten raises his eyebrows at them. Not sure what it did to the guards, but it did plenty for me!]
Eleven Nice, frogs, you heard her!
Clara Doctor, what’s going on?
Eleven It’s a - timey-wimey thing.
War [mockingly] Timey what? Timey-wimey?
Ten [scornfully and just a bit guiltily] I-I have no idea where he picks that stuff up.
Bentham and guards The Queen!
[Elizabeth - just one, thankfully - joins the happy throng. Everybody bows. Well, everybody English, anyway. Apparently Gallifreyans don't have to bow to English royalty. Who knew?]
QE You don't seem to be kneeling! How terribly brave of you!
Ten [suspiciously] Which one are you? What happened to the other one?
QE Indisposed. [casually] Long live the Queen.
Guards Long live the Queen!
QE [cheerfully] Arrest these men. Take them to the Tower.
Ten [pointing at Elizabeth] That is not the Queen of England. That's an alien duplicate.
Eleven [casually, pointing at Ten] And you can take it from him 'cause he's really checked.
Ten Oh, shut up!
Eleven Venom sacks in the tongue.
Ten Seriously, stop it!
Eleven [stepping forward] No, hang on! The Tower! Did you say the Tower? Ah yes, brilliant. Love the tower. Breakfast at eight, please. Will there be wifi?
War [scornfully] Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?
Eleven Yes. [flapping] No. [to Elizabeth] I demand to be incarcerated in the Tower immediately with my co-conspirators, Sand Shoes and Grandad.
War [indignantly] Grandad!
Ten [determined to have his say] And they are not sandshoes.
War [scoffing] Yes, they are!
Elizabeth Silence! The Tower is not to be taken lightly! Very few emerge again!
Kate Dear God, that man's clever!
Clara Where're we going?
Kate My office, otherwise known as the Tower of London.
* * *
Guard Oi, you lot, get in there!
[All three Doctors are pushed into a semi-lit cell. Eleven finds a pencil-like piece of metal on the floor and picks it up, flicking it with his finger and smiling when it chimes. He begins scratching on a conveniently flat, smooth part of a pillar. The War Doctor scans the door with his sonic. Ten stares at the ceiling.]
Ten Three of us in one cell - it's going to cause some nasty anomalies if we don't get out soon. [to Eleven] What are you doing?
Eleven Getting us out.
Ten [to Eleven? to the War Doctor? Hard to tell] The sonic won't work on that. It's too primitive.
Eleven [sarcastically] Shall we ask for a better quality of door so we can escape?
Ten [disdainfully] Okay, so, the Queen of England is now a Zygon. But never mind that. Why are we all together? Why are we all here? Me and [he searches for an insult on parallel with ‘Sand shoes’] Chinny - we were surprised. But you came looking for us. You knew what was going to happen. Who told you?
[From the War Doctor’s POV it is possible to see Bad Wolf standing next to Ten. She puts her index finger on her lips to keep the War Doctor from talking about her.]
Eleven [offended] Oi, chinny?
Ten [dismissively] Yeah, you do have a chin.
* * *
[In a makeshift lab set up in the entry room to the Under Gallery, Osgood and McGillop are checking the stone dust. Because taking it to a lab to do this kind of work makes NO sense.]
Osgood Marble, granite [looks up at the vaulted ceiling] a lot of different stone, but none of it from the fabric of the building. It's like somebody's smashed up a lot of old statues. Are there any missing?
McGillop [dismissively] Don't think so. Why would anyone do that anyway? I mean, I know we're meant to keep an open mind, but are we meant to believe in creatures that can hide in oil paintings and have some sort of a grudge against statues?
[Osgood has been becoming ever more terrified and now sucks on her inhaler.]
McGillop You all right?
Osgood We have to go. Right now. This minute.
McGillop What's wrong?
Osgood The things from the paintings. I know why they smashed the statues
McGillop [anxiously] Why?
Osgood [desperately] Because they needed somewhere to hide.
[They both focus on the sheet-covered statues, which slowly turn in their direction, ripping off sheets to reveal Zygons. Osgood screams. McGillop has his mouth covered and is forced to the ground. Osgood gets out of the room and shuts the painting door, but a Zygon smashes through the canvas, destroying Elizabeth's face. Osgood screams and runs for the heavily vaulted door, which is closed. She hits the 'open' button, setting off an alarm as the door slowly begins to lift. But a Zygon is in the room with her. She backs into a corner, sucking on her inhaler, curling up in a ball on the floor, her long scarf trailing on the ground in front of her.
Osgood [like a mantra] The Doctor will save me. The Doctor will save me. The Doctor will save me. The Doctor will save me. [covering her head with her arms] The Doctor will save me.
Osgood 2 [the Zygon has taken her form] Excuse me, I'm going to need my inhaler. [rolling her eyes] I so hate when I get one with a defect. [snatching the inhaler] Oh, you've got some perfectly horrible memories in here, haven't you? [uses inhaler] So jealous of your pretty sister. I don't blame you. I wish I'd copied her.
Osgood So do I!
[She pulls at the scarf, one end of which Osgood 2 is standing on, sending her flat on her back. Osgood snatches her inhaler, which O2 has dropped, and ducks under the half-open door.]
O2 Oh, for goodness sake!
[O2 grabs at the fleeing Osgood.]
And the rest