Breaks my Heart
I sometimes feel compulsions to write; usually when I have some kind of "aha" moment that somehow finds me in the shower, or while driving on auto-pilot down some frequently traveled road. The most recent one was a realization of the kind of thing that pulls at my heartstrings the most. I think most people agree on a lot of these "things." Most people are affected by seeing orphans, or those abandoned animals with Sarah McLachlan playing in the background. But I also think that, depending on our own personal experiences and individual personalities, we are affected more profoundly by certain situations.
I personally feel incredibly heartbroken when I sense that others are disappointed when they were initially really excited about something. Someone attempts to be selfless or gets themselves excited and passionate about a situation, but others squash that heightened emotion or their plan doesn't work out to the degree they had hoped.
I remember my Dad being really excited about a high school reunion he was planning to attend. He made special plans to go to church at a different time in order to make this reunion. He got a haircut. He wore a nice suit and probably had bought a new tie. He missed the reunion. He had gotten the date confused and missed it by one day. It absolutely killed me. He seemed bummed, but he didn't even really express the hurt that I imagined he felt. That is just the saddest thing in the world to me!
Another time I remember sitting around the table at home eating an apple pie my Granny had made for us. Everyone seemed to take turns saying something they didn't like about the pie. The crust was burned in some spots. The apples were crunchy or underseasoned. The pie was too liquidy. I could only imagine my Granny in the kitchen, peeling and slicing all of the apples, with a sweet smile on her face as she anticipated delivering some happiness to her children and grandchildren. And there we were, criticizing and scrunching our noses at the crunchy apples. It killed me.
I remember these instances so clearly, because that feeling I got was deeply affecting. These things happened years ago! Likely even more than 15 years ago! I think this all points to a defining personality trait for me. I am and always have been an empathetic person. Not just sympathetic, merely feeling sorry for others' misfortunes, but empathetic, feeling deeply concerned and considerate of others' experiences and emotions. And for some reason, it's the seemingly "little things" that affect me most: a missed reuinon, a botched apple pie. I see these experiences as being more real, more universal, more likely to occur from day-to-day. Sure, I think losses from natural disasters and poverty and homlessness are sad, but there's something about these little things that affect me even more. Perhaps it's human oversight that bothers me most. People hurt every single day over matters that are out of their control. People have hope and feel happiness, but that feeling is shattered by people who are too critical or too careless to show consideration. It truly breaks my heart.
What are the little things that break your heart? What do you think it says about who you are?