(no subject)
I think I would be perfectly happy eloping, but I doubt that's what I'm going to let myself do when it comes time to marry. I have decided, though, that I'm going to have a very small wedding. A huge wedding would not be for me. I don't like being around that many people. I don't really like that many people. I love intimate settings. So that's what it's going to be. The dress will be simple, and I think it will be really special if Jon makes it. And I will have peonies, because they are big and beautiful and they remind me of my childhood. See, everything will have to be sentimental.
Just daydreaming.
I'm wondering why I didn't take more philosophy courses when I was in college. I've been reading all of Kyle's philosophy books, and I've realized that I freakin love it. I helped him write two papers this semester, too. One on Kant's position on the existence of God and the other one on Taoism and Deconstruction theory. I am in love.
I really love being able to see and feel connections. Sometimes I have these truly enlightening moments where I realize that this number reminds me of that shape and that shape reminds me of this memory from my childhood, etc, etc. It just blows my mind, really. And then it's like this moment of clarity--this is what it's all about. Oneness. Everything belonging together, everything connecting, somehow.
I had a similar moment playing Apples to Apples last night. I was thinking...what is it that makes me select this one card to associate with this other word? Something in my mind tells me, Yes, Mel Gibson definitely goes with "insane." Or stubbed toes goes with "idiotic moment." These pairings are perfectly logical and humorous to me. But the person sitting next to me may have selected another card thinking that that one was the perfect or funniest choice. So while I see all of these beautiful connections in the world, these connections are merely illusions. They cannot be "real" in the sense that they are universal and concrete, because they are entirely relative to perspective and individual experience. Is this a negative thing? I suppose it is, if we are looking for universal truths. But perhaps there can never be "universal truths." We are all subject to preconceived notions and biases. We are always "naming" and "coding" and making up hierarchies. We never let anything just be, I suppose. And that's where truth simply dies.
Is finding one's soulmate a matter of finding someone who would have chosen the same card?