FIC: Watermelon
Title: Watermelon
Author: Kateri E
Summary: After being shot Tony takes too much Oxycontin and terrorizes his teammates in different ways, and might be sexually harassing someone.
Pairing: Gibbs/DiNozzo implied
Rating: PG
AN: For cheekymice who had a bad day, based on her post.
“Abby please tell me you have something I can work on that will keep me down here the rest of the day,” McGee begged as he barged into Abby’s lab.
“And why are you trying to hide down here Timmy?” Abby asked with a raised eyebrow, “I would think things would be pretty quiet with the case solved”
“It’s Tony, I can’t stand another minute in the same room as him, or even worse him and Gibbs” McGee answered shuddering. He then froze and glanced fearfully over his shoulder, as if by mentioning Gibbs he would summon the man like a surly caffeine addicted Bloody Mary. Abby moved closer to Tim so she could peek over his shoulder and ask quietly “What are we looking at?”
“Nothing,” stuttered McGee not wanting to admit his completely rationally fear of Gibbs popping up out of no where like he could teleport.
“Okay,” Abby said brightly, right before she punched McGee in the shoulder.
“Hey! What was that for?” McGee yelped, and then began rubbing his arm while wearing an expression like a kicked puppy.
“Don’t say mean things about Tony, he was shot,” answered Abby before making her way back to her computers.
“I know that Abby, but it isn’t like this is the first time Tony has been injured on a case or even shot.”
“But he took his pain pills!” Abby said in a serious voice “The full recommended dosage as well” Abby concluded like she was imparting some shocking statistic.
“I don’t get it, what does DiNozzo following doctor’s orders have anything to do with you hitting me,” asked McGee trying desperately to follow Abby’s thought process, because even that was preferable to heading back up to the bullpen where DiNozzo was.
“Has Tony been doing anything…. Odd?” Abby asked instead of answering.
“Abby weren’t you listening? Tony is being a pain in the ass. That’s why I’m down here.” McGee answered trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.
“What has he done McGee?” Asked Abby solemnly.
“What hasn’t he done?” Asked McGee throwing up his hands in frustration before he began pacing. “He wasn’t focusing very well this morning, said the dyhydrocodine wasn’t working real good for the pain so Gibbs threw his oxycontin prescription at him and told him to take some and get his paperwork done. The problem is that Ziva started ribbing him while he was taking it and I’m pretty sure he double dosed on it.”
“Tony took a double dose of Oxycontin?” Abby yelled “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” she asked as she hightailed it out the door.
McGee followed her out to see her bypass the elevator and head right toward the stares. Not sure what was going on he followed her up the stares, hardly winded at all when he reached the bullpen in time to see Abby spinning in circles demanding to know where Tony was.
“Gibbs took him home, and not a moment too soon,” Ziva stated, not pausing her attack on her keyboard.
“Why did he do that?” Abby demanded, zeroing in on Ziva “Is Tony okay? Did he have a relapse?”
“How can one have a relapse from a gunshot?” Asked Ziva, her anger momentarily forgotten in her confusion.
“I’m sure Tony is fine Abby,” McGee said trying to calm her down. “Gibbs probably just decided it would be safer for Tony to sleep it off.”
“Safer? That implies that Tony is in danger, danger here at NCIS with us, with Gibbs, how could he not be safe with Gibbs watching over him. But he’s with Gibbs now which means he’s safe now, but he wasn’t safe before even with Gibbs here.” Abby babbled getting more and more wound up.
“Abby quiet!” Yelled Ziva, getting up from behind her desk. “Tony will be fine, and he was only in danger from himself. “
“She’s right Abby.” McGee said leading Abby to Tony’s desk to sit down. “After Tony took his pain meds he was a walking disaster. He walked into a door, fell out of his chair, he even spilled Gibbs coffee and LAUGHED about it.” McGee couldn’t help but shudder as he recalled that incident. There was Gibbs with coffee all down his front and Tony on the floor laughing incoherently.
“And as if that were not bad enough he would not shut up about fruit!” Ziva added, her frustration once again showing.
“Fruit?” Abby asked
“Yes fruit! He would not stop mentioning fruit all day and how Gibbs should eat more, then about how Gibbs did not need to but that there were benefits.” Ziva explained “He even bribed one of the HR secretaries to go and buy a bowl of cut fruit for Gibbs.” at this point Ziva pointed toward the plastic bowl on Gibbs’s desk “Tony became quite insistent that Gibbs eat the whole bowl. It was after that that Gibbs said he was taking Tony home. In fact he practically dragged him out of the building by his shoulder holster.”
Curious Abby walked over to Gibbs desk to look at the large bowl, “But why would Tony want Gibbs to eat watermelon?” Abby asked poking the pinkish red fruit “I mean other than the normal reasons like summer picnics the only reason I can think of that someone would want to eat this much watermelon is as a sex aid.”
“What!” Yelled both McGee and Ziva.
“Well sure, everyone knows that if eaten in quantities it will give a man a much harder erection, plus his ‘you know’ will taste watermellony” Abby answered with a smile on her face, doing air quotes for ‘you know.’
“But Tony was buying it for Gibbs, not himself,” Ziva said slowly, a look of horror beginning to spread across her face.
“Ziva, when did Gibbs say he would be back?” Asked McGee who looked a little green around the gills.
“He said that he was taking the weekend off and that after our reports where done we could leave, and that unless Al-Queda was attacking we were not to call him.” Ziva answered unable to meet her teammates eyes as she slowly collapsed into her chair, trying desperately to ignore Abby’s happy chatter about hidden cameras finally paying off.
The End
AN: According to cheekymice Watermelon can have Viagra type effects on men http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/news/20080701/watermelon-a-natural-viagra
Author: Kateri E
Summary: After being shot Tony takes too much Oxycontin and terrorizes his teammates in different ways, and might be sexually harassing someone.
Pairing: Gibbs/DiNozzo implied
Rating: PG
AN: For cheekymice who had a bad day, based on her post.
“Abby please tell me you have something I can work on that will keep me down here the rest of the day,” McGee begged as he barged into Abby’s lab.
“And why are you trying to hide down here Timmy?” Abby asked with a raised eyebrow, “I would think things would be pretty quiet with the case solved”
“It’s Tony, I can’t stand another minute in the same room as him, or even worse him and Gibbs” McGee answered shuddering. He then froze and glanced fearfully over his shoulder, as if by mentioning Gibbs he would summon the man like a surly caffeine addicted Bloody Mary. Abby moved closer to Tim so she could peek over his shoulder and ask quietly “What are we looking at?”
“Nothing,” stuttered McGee not wanting to admit his completely rationally fear of Gibbs popping up out of no where like he could teleport.
“Okay,” Abby said brightly, right before she punched McGee in the shoulder.
“Hey! What was that for?” McGee yelped, and then began rubbing his arm while wearing an expression like a kicked puppy.
“Don’t say mean things about Tony, he was shot,” answered Abby before making her way back to her computers.
“I know that Abby, but it isn’t like this is the first time Tony has been injured on a case or even shot.”
“But he took his pain pills!” Abby said in a serious voice “The full recommended dosage as well” Abby concluded like she was imparting some shocking statistic.
“I don’t get it, what does DiNozzo following doctor’s orders have anything to do with you hitting me,” asked McGee trying desperately to follow Abby’s thought process, because even that was preferable to heading back up to the bullpen where DiNozzo was.
“Has Tony been doing anything…. Odd?” Abby asked instead of answering.
“Abby weren’t you listening? Tony is being a pain in the ass. That’s why I’m down here.” McGee answered trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.
“What has he done McGee?” Asked Abby solemnly.
“What hasn’t he done?” Asked McGee throwing up his hands in frustration before he began pacing. “He wasn’t focusing very well this morning, said the dyhydrocodine wasn’t working real good for the pain so Gibbs threw his oxycontin prescription at him and told him to take some and get his paperwork done. The problem is that Ziva started ribbing him while he was taking it and I’m pretty sure he double dosed on it.”
“Tony took a double dose of Oxycontin?” Abby yelled “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” she asked as she hightailed it out the door.
McGee followed her out to see her bypass the elevator and head right toward the stares. Not sure what was going on he followed her up the stares, hardly winded at all when he reached the bullpen in time to see Abby spinning in circles demanding to know where Tony was.
“Gibbs took him home, and not a moment too soon,” Ziva stated, not pausing her attack on her keyboard.
“Why did he do that?” Abby demanded, zeroing in on Ziva “Is Tony okay? Did he have a relapse?”
“How can one have a relapse from a gunshot?” Asked Ziva, her anger momentarily forgotten in her confusion.
“I’m sure Tony is fine Abby,” McGee said trying to calm her down. “Gibbs probably just decided it would be safer for Tony to sleep it off.”
“Safer? That implies that Tony is in danger, danger here at NCIS with us, with Gibbs, how could he not be safe with Gibbs watching over him. But he’s with Gibbs now which means he’s safe now, but he wasn’t safe before even with Gibbs here.” Abby babbled getting more and more wound up.
“Abby quiet!” Yelled Ziva, getting up from behind her desk. “Tony will be fine, and he was only in danger from himself. “
“She’s right Abby.” McGee said leading Abby to Tony’s desk to sit down. “After Tony took his pain meds he was a walking disaster. He walked into a door, fell out of his chair, he even spilled Gibbs coffee and LAUGHED about it.” McGee couldn’t help but shudder as he recalled that incident. There was Gibbs with coffee all down his front and Tony on the floor laughing incoherently.
“And as if that were not bad enough he would not shut up about fruit!” Ziva added, her frustration once again showing.
“Fruit?” Abby asked
“Yes fruit! He would not stop mentioning fruit all day and how Gibbs should eat more, then about how Gibbs did not need to but that there were benefits.” Ziva explained “He even bribed one of the HR secretaries to go and buy a bowl of cut fruit for Gibbs.” at this point Ziva pointed toward the plastic bowl on Gibbs’s desk “Tony became quite insistent that Gibbs eat the whole bowl. It was after that that Gibbs said he was taking Tony home. In fact he practically dragged him out of the building by his shoulder holster.”
Curious Abby walked over to Gibbs desk to look at the large bowl, “But why would Tony want Gibbs to eat watermelon?” Abby asked poking the pinkish red fruit “I mean other than the normal reasons like summer picnics the only reason I can think of that someone would want to eat this much watermelon is as a sex aid.”
“What!” Yelled both McGee and Ziva.
“Well sure, everyone knows that if eaten in quantities it will give a man a much harder erection, plus his ‘you know’ will taste watermellony” Abby answered with a smile on her face, doing air quotes for ‘you know.’
“But Tony was buying it for Gibbs, not himself,” Ziva said slowly, a look of horror beginning to spread across her face.
“Ziva, when did Gibbs say he would be back?” Asked McGee who looked a little green around the gills.
“He said that he was taking the weekend off and that after our reports where done we could leave, and that unless Al-Queda was attacking we were not to call him.” Ziva answered unable to meet her teammates eyes as she slowly collapsed into her chair, trying desperately to ignore Abby’s happy chatter about hidden cameras finally paying off.
The End
AN: According to cheekymice Watermelon can have Viagra type effects on men http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/news/20080701/watermelon-a-natural-viagra