breaking glass

[kateforna]

Fuck you
No, fuck me and my foolish heart
No, really
Fuck me
Hard, hatefully; if you’re able
I long to be fucked violently by someone I could love
Someone all sweetness and light
Like you
I don’t know anyone else like that
So it’s got to be you
What is it that you do?
That you’ve done?
It’s less than fun
But the most interesting thing that’s happened to me in
How long?
Far too long
And I am more me in my confusion
And you are perfectly you in your way
Your fashion
Your silly, silly fashion
It’s itching
Under my skin;
My understanding of your passion
For life, for her, for the world
But not for me,
Save for maybe that drunken night
Where I saw the effort it took you
To restrain yourself from me
But what did I see?
What I wanted to see?
Nothing has felt right in my life
Since you came into it
But maybe that’s just coincidence
I wished for you, you know
Your arrival seemed so promising
And I couldn’t keep my hopes
From floating, lifting me with them
But I was quickly brought to the ground
By your level head
By the feeling of dread
That in an amazing friend
I’d make an enemy
Because I wanted lover instead
I am never specific enough in my
Requests from the universe
And so you showed up
The most interesting and instantly likable boy
But my own awkwardness
And your platonic intentions
And those glimpses of kisses
I should not have seen
And the ones I should not have wanted
Or gotten
Leave me feeling wrung out
Wrinkled and dry
And I don’t know why