Self-esteem (I can has it?)

[kate_nepveu]

Lots of people are suggesting concrete actions to take in the wake of the Public Domain Boobs Project. A non-exhaustive list: miriammoules ponders teaching communication skills-which I suspect has a lot in common with the "Our Whole Lives" sexuality education curricula from the Unitarian Universalists, and let me just say that I am even more determined that

Comments

[equusregia]

Hi. desdenova mentioned your post, and thought I might have something to add.

I think you've gotten a lot of good advice from others, which boils down to: 1) demonstrate your love and respect for your child, both directly to the child and indirectly to others when in her presence, 2) provide her with opportunities to make choices, and support those choices (including supporting her right to be wrong sometimes), 3) encourage her to be an active, analytical thinker, and not to passively accept authority/what she is told/wrong behavior in others.

One of the best ways to decide how you want to approach parenting issues is to watch other parents, and emulate strategies and behavior that work and that feel right for you. Helpful comments in a blog are a good thing, but nothing beats research "in the field," as it were. Just this evening I watched a mom calmly oversee five children under six years old dining out in a restaurant. It was a master class in parenting.

I was thinking about your question when I picked up my daughter from school today, and I thought I'd go right to the source for an answer. I asked her if she felt confident and good about herself. She said yes. I told her that you were going to have a baby, and you wanted her to be confident too, so you wanted to know what parents can do to help their kids be self-assured. "What do mommy and daddy do to help you feel good about yourself?" I asked. She replied immediately, "You listen to me."

Finally, since you don't know me and might want a bit more of an idea about my parenting, here are two posts I made on the topic of confident girls. One, and
two.

I wish you luck, strength, and happiness with your little one.

[equusregia]

One more thing: I recommend that you read the book Woman: An Intimate Geography (if you haven't already). It's a well-researched look at the science of women's bodies and the sociological ramifications of female physiology. In particular, she addresses female aggression in later chapters, going into a lot of depth about girls and how they channel their aggression into socially sanctioned behaviors.

[equusregia]

Sorry, I jumped to conclusions. However, I think what I recommended works for either sex, and I still recommend the book.

[kate_nepveu]

It would be a good trick if you did, since *we* don't . . .

(It is known, because of the amnio, but the doctors have been very good about asking if we want to know and respecting that we'd prefer to be surprised.)

[kate_nepveu]

Thank you for the resources and suggestions, and no worries on the confusion about FB's sex; if FB is female there's an extra layer of emphasis to this, but I'd still want to do as much as possible for a male FB.

[equusregia]

Just so. You will never hear so much gender ghettoization as you will from parents. Trying to raise your kids with an even hand is tough, but worthwhile. Kids are more confident when they are trying to be themselves than when they are trying to conform to some ideal imposed from without.

I really wish we could just get together. Comments are all very well, but they force a frustrating abbreviation on discussion.