Self-esteem (I can has it?)

[kate_nepveu]

Lots of people are suggesting concrete actions to take in the wake of the Public Domain Boobs Project. A non-exhaustive list: miriammoules ponders teaching communication skills-which I suspect has a lot in common with the "Our Whole Lives" sexuality education curricula from the Unitarian Universalists, and let me just say that I am even more determined that

Comments

[kate_nepveu]

Open linking to everything public.

[equusregia]

Hi. desdenova mentioned your post, and thought I might have something to add

[equusregia]

One more thing: I recommend that you read the book Woman: An Intimate Geography (if you haven't already). It's a well-researched look at the science of women's bodies and the sociological ramifications of female physiology. In particular, she addresses female aggression in later chapters, going into a lot of depth about girls and how they channel their aggression into socially sanctioned behaviors.

[missysedai]

The Monsters are pretty confident, and though I'm with them every day, I can't rightly say I know where it all came from, either

[cakmpls]

the single biggest thing in Monster-rearing is treating them like individual human beings, with the right to dignity, respect and privacy. ... When your parents don't second guess you? It's easy to believe that you are worthy in your own right and don't need other people's opinions to feel good about yourself and your choices.

That's the heart of what I was going to say. Parents who expect their kids to be clones of them, or maybe worse, who expect their kids to accomplish all that the parent wanted to or wasn't able to, are likely to wind up with kids who have no confidence in--indeed, little knowledge of--themselves.

When our older daughter decided not to go to college, her grandmother (my MIL) was quite displeased and urged us to put pressure on her. "Sometimes we do know better," she said to me. My answer: "We may have learned more about life and the world, but there's one thing Em knows better than anyone else in the world: how to be Em."

[kate_nepveu]

Thanks. That was useful.

[turnberryknkn]

My parents spent a lot of time, when I was growing up, literally talking to me about values. Around the breakfast/lunch/dinner table, my parents would literally talk to me and my brother about what they thought were the ways life should be lived, in explicit terms. They literally told me, from the time I was a very little boy, that it was important to work hard, take responsibility, try to make the world a better place, give rather than take. That anything was possible if you tried hard enough; anything was possible for those who had the determination and the willingness to sacrifice. They told me these things, over and over again. They explicitly spelled out to me their values in dinner conversation day after day. And more importantly, they lived out those values. There was no disconnect between the values they talked about and the way they lived

[kate_nepveu]

Huh. Interesting. My gut reaction is that I wouldn't be comfortable with that, but on the other hand, it's not like I'm shy talking here about what I think important values are! Gotta ponder this some moer.

[fledgist]

There are lots of ways to be a good parent, I suspect. But, from all I've seen and done, only two things really matter:

(1) Love your children, and ensure that they feel loved. Not drowned in goodies, smothered in protection, and loaded down in sweetness and light, but sure of your affection. All the preaching, communication of values, examples, are meaningless unless they are based on real love. Nothing else matters, ultimately, and your children will know if you're faking.

(2) Be honest. With yourself and with them.

[kate_nepveu]

Thanks.

[kate_nepveu]

This is both useful and a little scary, in a "how self-aware am I really?" kind of way, but I really appreciate it and will be thinking about it a lot.